Bad Movies Rule!

The boxes are jammed and the snacks have their own storage unit. Daniel More sent Cheerwine and a whole snack bunker from North Carolina, Ryan Morenci loaded us up with pork rinds and cookies, and Combat Wiener Dog mailed Gary Busey keychains plus a stack of stickers that include a Die Hard duck and a Sean Connery loser quote. Movies in the pile: Guns Akimbo, TerrorVision, The Video Dead, Wing Commander, and a Stephen King triple of the Tim Curry It, the Steven Weber Shining, and Salem's Lot.

Then the mail turns on us. Steven Serna assigns every host a BMR movie that matches their persona. Joseph Paces fantasy-drafts a real Terror Squad (Chuck Connors, Steve James, Billy Drago, and a few more). Eric Valov demands a new nickname because he will not share Rubber Lover. Craig Soto, listening since 2021, writes in with a life update that we are absolutely taking credit for. Greg from New Jersey reports back from an AC/DC show and Hell's Bells. HR resigns after the counter hit five. Mr. Anonymous defends Final Destination 5 and 7. Timothy Caldwell puts Monster Squad back on the October list and calls out the Terror Squad vote. Matt calls from Seville with a Great Outdoors credits Easter egg. Chris calls from South Africa after committing the sin of listening to the competition. Bill closes it by singing the Teen Wolf basketball song straight through.

Email thisshowistrash@gmail.com, call or leave a voicemail at (262) 757-8567, or send physical mail to Bad Movies Rule, P.O. Box 383, Burlington, WI 53105.

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Friday the 13th Part 3 finally gets the BMR treatment, and the Human Movie Database is back in the room to help survive it. Ryan Farrell returns after four months away, the same crew from Part 2 is assembled, and Jason is now a ripped pro wrestler in a hockey mask that only exists because a lighting test went sideways.

Steve Miner (or Stefan, depending who you ask) shoots the whole thing in 3D, so laundry poles, yo-yos, and the slowest harpoon in horror history are aimed straight at your face. The disco credits never charted, except in gay nightclubs. The movie knocked E.T. out of the number-one spot. Harold is eating donuts off the shelf and getting murdered on the toilet. A biker named Loco attacks a rope. Somebody has hammock sex. Somebody else dies mid-handstand. And Chris delivers a backstory monologue so stiff it got studied in academia.

We cover the accidental birth of the mask, the barn Jason was just trying to nap in, why Part 2 suddenly looks like Cannes, and whether anyone in this cast can say a line like a human being. Awards get handed out. The final verdict does not get spoiled here.

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The BMR pregame is back, and this week the boys are getting ready for Friday the 13th Part 3 in 3D. James, Clint, and Ryan settle the “we already did Jason Goes to Space, so why are we going backwards?” argument, recap how badly the Final Destination predictions went, and then watch the trailer like professionals who definitely know how IMDb works.

Predictions are locked: one survivor or a last-second fake-out, body counts from 8 to 12, yo-yo guy is doomed, a woods cop is probably not making it, and the 3D gags might be the thing that splits the room. They also check the scores, argue about whether this one even belongs on the show, and map out the rest of the Friday the 13th pile before Halloween.

Streaming on Paramount+. Full roast drops Friday. Postgame is on Patreon the next day.

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The post office called at 11 a.m. and told us to come get our stuff before they start charging rent. We skipped a week. The box retaliated.

This mailbag is Ryan, Clint, and a table full of things we did not earn. Art sent a Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos figure and a pile of Pop Rocks, then stood back. Cory sent a Goldfinger DB5 with a working ejector seat and a 14-and-up warning we immediately stress-tested. A typewriter letter from our dark lord of stubbed toes claims Mattress Mack produced Sidekicks to settle a debt, then pivots into a Walker, Texas Ranger note, a Junior Rangers pitch, and a request that we still do Trial by Fire. We are doing Trial by Fire.

The movie pile is unhinged. Popstar. Grizzly. The Final Girls. Exorcist II. A Titans triple feature nobody can read the year on. Pluto Nash. Hell House LLC. Jack Frost and Christmas Vacation 2. Tammy and the T-Rex. Neighbors. Theodore Rex. Haunted Honeymoon. The Couch Trip. Donnie Darko, which one of us has successfully avoided out of spite. The first season of Welcome to Derry. The Ladies Man. Student Bodies, which promises 1,423 laughs. Then Murph closes the show with a cassette player, a drawing of Arnold and Carl Weathers, and a stack of soundtracks: Rocky IV, Iron Eagle, Rambo, Batman, Lost Boys, Octopussy, Beverly Hills Cop II, and a blank tape we are absolutely sending back as a mix.

Emails and voicemails cover a Terminal Velocity voting apology, a Sleepaway Camp curve argument, sword-and-sandal picks from Canada, a Mississippi spelling lesson, a Robert Englund convention story, Richard Pryor’s Moving, and Brian Boucher lobbying for movies that still shoot in actual towns. Kokomo, we are coming.

Packages, letters, and voicemails: ThisShowIsTrash@gmail.com and 262-757-8567

BMR Hits the Spot playlist is on Spotify if you want the soundtrack version of this problem.
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This episode is sponsored by Quince - 40% off and free shipping here, and it supports the show! - quince.com/badmovies

A kid has a vision, his mom rips the good-luck tag off his luggage, and an entire plane full of students explodes. The movie says it's death. We say it's mom.

Stephanie is back, Brian Draws Movies is back, and Jesse returns to the studio with a confession: his younger self, who loved this movie on VHS, might have been a dumbass. Or he's sandbagging. You'll have to stick around to find out.

On the scene-by-scene, we dig into the FBI agents who wandered in from an X-Files reject pile, the most baffling memorial sculpture ever unveiled, an owl with a front-row seat to Devon Sawa's private time, a small-town mortician who is extremely obviously Candyman, and the forensic breakthrough of the century: caramelized blood. Plus a 47-year-old baby, a girl named Clear Rivers (yes, on purpose), Seann William Scott one year after Stifler, a sentient live wire with a grudge, and a death-fart theory that may have cost one of us a night on the couch.

Then we hand out the hardware, including the Will Patton Award for Intensity and the Steven Seagal Trash Can Full of Dirt, before the final verdict. Is this a horror classic that still holds up, or did we all just have terrible taste in 2000?

Also, Arnold Schwarzenegger punches death in Paris. It goes about how you'd expect.

Support Us: patreon.com/badmoviesrule

Email Us: ThisShowIsTrash@gmail.com

Voicemail: 262-757-8567

Mail: Bad Movies Rule, PO Box 383, Burlington, WI 53105

Gear Up: Grab tees at teepublic.com/user/bad-movies-rule

Check out Brian's work: briandrawsmovies.com
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