NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship

• A 5-Minute Reset to Stay Calm When a Narcissist Triggers You

  Triggered by a narcissist? In today’s 5-minute reset, I’m giving you the exact process to stop the spiral, calm your nervous system, and shut down the bait before you get pulled into the chaos. If you freeze, overthink, or feel your body react instantly when they say something snarky, passive-aggressive, or manipulative — this quick reset will help you stay grounded, clear, and in your power. In this episode, you’ll learn: What’s really happening in your body when a narcissist triggers you The fastest way to interrupt the emotional hijack A simple somatic grounding tool you can use anytime, anywhere How to shift from reacting → responding Why staying calm is your strongest boundary Take five minutes with me today. Your nervous system will thank you. 💛 Your Next Step in Healing If this episode resonated, your next level of support is here: ✨ Transformational Coaching (1:1 Support) Private, deep healing containers for women rebuilding after narcissistic abuse. Release the trauma patterns, regulate your nervous system, and reclaim your peace. Monthly or 3-Month Deep-Dive options: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/ https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ Copy-Paste Peace Scripts (Most Popular!) Struggling with what to text back? Get clear, firm, emotionally safe responses you can use immediately with toxic or narcissistic people. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/ Empowered Boundaries Course A self-paced program to help you set, hold, and ENFORCE boundaries without guilt. https://christyjade.co/empowered-boundaries Free Resources ✨ Boundaries Pocket Guide https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 ✨ 30-Day Toxic Relationship Declutter https://christyjade.ck.page/toxicdeclutter ✨ Free Meditation for Instant Calm https://christyjade.ck.page/insider ✨ Abuse Recovery Affirmations https://christyjade.ck.page/affirmations Join the Community Connect with women healing alongside you: https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:03): Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five. Your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath queen. This one's for you queens. Have you ever felt that sting in your body? When the narcissist tries to bait you today, we're going to do a five minute reset to shut down that reaction. So their chaos doesn't get to run your nervous system anymore. You in? Alright, so you know when the narcissist throws bait, they love to do it right? The snarky text, the guilt trip, the twist of the truth. Familiar with that one? Yeah. Your body reacts before your brain even has time to catch up, right? There's that spike in your chest, the heat behind your eyes and your head like you just are so frustrated, angry, confused, and then you can even get the urge to fire back. (01:06) Or maybe you have fired back. That's not you being too much or sensitive. It is your nervous system trying to protect you from their fire, right? Their chaos. So today we're going to do a five minute reset that helps you stay unbeatable no matter what they throw at you, right? You get to be in control. So first we're going to step one for, this is the name it Tam it Body check. So you can say out loud like me because I'm a loud mouth, I like to say everything out loud. All my thoughts say out loud or just silently to yourself. My body is reacting, but I'm safe in this moment. And then observe and somatic healing. We do a lot of observing. So observe, where is the tightness? Where is that heat? Where did your breath go? And you're not fixing anything. You are locating the activation. (02:06) And the moment you name it, the amygdala chills out by about 30%. Isn't that amazing? I love that. So that's one of the tools you're getting, I think five today. So step two, the stone spine posture shift. So this one stops the spiraling really fast. So you can sit or stand tall and imagine a stone column running up your spine. Ancient but sexy. That's weird. Why did I just call it column sexy? I don't know. Ancient. I didn't want it to feel ancient. I wanted it to just be golden and unbreakable and heavy in a good way. Grounded. So imagine that going up your spine and say, I am rooted. I am not moving with their chaos. You're unshakeable. Okay? And your body then receives the signal. We don't chase the bait. No, no, we don't defend. We don't perform and we don't sink ourselves to their level. (03:15) Okay, step three, the four, two exhale drop. So we do a lot of breath work in working with me, right? My clients, we're going to practice a little one. You inhale for four through the nose and then you exhale for two seconds longer than the inhale could just be four, six, but this is what it's called. So inhale through the nose. Four, you're exhaling. Six seconds, you're expelling. And why does that work? Because the longer exhales actually flip your body from flight or fight, fight or flight to rest and respond, which is exactly the state that you need to stay in to stay out of their traps. Okay? Step four, the micro boundary mantra. So you can choose one of these phrases and say it slowly. I don't respond from activation. If you're on my YouTube right now, I talk with my hands and all these little hands are popping up. Thumbs up and waving. Okay? Yes, I'm on YouTube too now. Okay, I don't respond from activation. Silence is a strategy. I love this next one. Their urgency is not my urgency. We have been conditioned, conditioned to feel everything is urgent because they've conditioned us that way. Their urgency is not your urgency. (05:01) And last I can choose the timing that protects my piece. It's not all about them anymore. So you can choose one of those phrases for a little boundary moment. Okay? And step five, the future flash. Picture yourself an hour from now. Proud, grounded, and peaceful. I know you love that word. I know you want to get there. So imagine yourself, proud, grounded, peaceful, because you didn't take the bait. What does it feel like to be like, Ooh, I didn't go there with them. They can invite you to their fight. You do not have to join it. They can invite you to their chaos. You don't have to join it. You don't explain. You didn't have to defend yourself. You didn't get pulled into their crazy circus. (06:04) And for that little mantra, I lead with peace, not panic. You don't have to panic anymore. You don't have to have the urgency anymore. We are freeing ourselves from that. You get to say, I didn't take the bait. What would that feel like? I didn't take the bait. Oh, that's true. Freedom right there. Okay, so that's it. Five minutes nervous system reset with, and you can just do a couple of them if you have two minutes, but five minutes, you can do all those things and reset your nervous system. Calm everything down, get everything peaceful and learn these tools and practice them. The more you repeat these tools, the more you use them, the more they become second nature. So it's important to implement them into your daily life. So save this episode, write these down. Get a little cute little pad of paper, write 'em down so they're in plain sight for you to see. (07:10) Carry 'em around in your little pocketbook. Does anyone say pocketbook anymore? I don't think so. In your handbag, in your bag. And yeah, if you want to go deeper with all of this, if you truly want to reset your nervous system in a way that is transformational and you want to kind of accelerate that, that is what you do. Working with me. We do coaching. We get into the narcissist mind. We understand them better. We talk about certain situations. If you are co-parenting or you're a mother or father or sibling, somebody in the family you feel like you are stuck with, we get to navigate all of that. And in parallel work on the somatic side of things, doing this work to heal while we are using these tools to reset, to balance. So we get the mindset work and we get the body work. (08:10) And I love it. I love it. I love doing it. So if you want to work one-on-one with me, always in the show notes, come January, I'm only going to be doing three month, six month, and 12 packages. This will be a shift. There's lots of reasons I'm doing it because we want true transformation. We can do a lot in a month and we've done a lot in a month, but I'm here for the long haulers. We go through seasons. So I want to take you through at least three months. So you really get that huge transformation. Huge. My three monthers, woo, double queen work. Okay? So don't forget to follow my podcast, share it, share it with anyone you think could use it. Some of this stuff is just good for anyone in toxic situations. Not necessarily narcissistic, right? Toxic family environments, toxic relationships, not necessarily even abusive, but if you're dealing with someone who's manipulative or someone who's stressed out all the time or whatever, some of these thrive in fives can be useful for those people too. (09:23) So feel free to share this with anyone who could use a little reset and hit follow on whatever platform You're listening to me. If you are watching me on YouTube, welcome. Hello, here's my face. I probably am going to start doing my podcast on video as well. This started out kind of a long story, but I'll try to make it shorter, but I'm a long story person, but we are having our home remodeled, not our entire home bathroom remodeled. And my setup was upstairs in my bedroom just with my phone and my little microphone. And that was just kind of the setup I've been doing. I've been so busy. I was like, if I have to take out the computer and the, it's just like extra steps and I'm a DD, so the less steps, the more likely it's going to happen and it's worked out beautifully. (10:12) My podcast has really grown a lot the last year since I've been doing this. And now, I mean it's great, but I feel like I want to be on video. I love video. If you don't know, I had a YouTube channel for years, kind of different content, but I want to get back on video. I want to get back on YouTube, so I'm going to see how this goes. And if one night I don't feel like doing it on YouTube and I'm being lazy in the bed on my phone, then I won't do it. I'm not going to put pressure on myself, but let me know on YouTube if you guys do enjoy the video and anyone who's on the podcast, you can feel free to pop over there and see if you like video better. I like both. It depends on my mood as far as watching. (11:01) I listen to a lot of stuff when I'm doing other things like laundry or just can't be staring at a screen. But some people are only video people, so it's another reason I want to get back in the YouTube world. I have had people who are like, I missed you being on YouTube. I don't really do podcasts. So now we can have the best of both worlds. Okay, so I will see you on Tuesday and definitely check out my links to work and you can always email me. Just say hi, introduce yourself, ask questions at Fierce Mama. See at Gmail, that is also in the show notes. Alright, I will see you in the next one. Nos.

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• 3 Ways to Stay in Control When the Narcissist Triggers You

  In this episode: Narcissists use “baiting” to pull you into reactions, defensiveness, or emotional chaos. Today you’ll learn the three most common types of bait they use—and the simple, powerful Pause, Pivot, Protect method to keep yourself grounded, calm, and unhooked. You’ll walk away with practical responses, somatic regulation tools, and a clearer understanding of how to protect your peace in conversations, texts, and co-parenting dynamics.Your Next Step in Healing Work 1:1 with Christy — Coaching + Somatic Healing For survivors navigating high-conflict co-parenting, emotional chaos, or holiday-triggered anxiety, get personalized support, strategy, and nervous system regulation tools. 1-Month Private Coaching https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly 3-Month Transformational Coaching + Somatic Healing https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly Get My Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts Scripts that help you shut down manipulation, stop JADE-ing, and communicate with confidence. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-fast-37/ Grab the Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free!) Your quick-start guide to setting boundaries without guilt. https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 Join the Facebook Community Connect with other women healing from narcissistic abuse https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989 GREY ROCK METHOD EPISODE: https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-r2z4f-1365d55 Email me! [email protected] Speaker 1 (00:04): Hello? Hello. Let me check my audio real quick. Let me check it. This is going to be not the best maybe recording we ever had. However, it'll be good content. I have all sorts of fun stuff. I have a bathroom remodel where they found some extensive mold, not black mold. They're going to be able to take care of it, but it's been quite a little journey. So happy holidays. Happy holidays. My house is going to be in, well, not my house, but my master bath. We're not even sleeping in there. It's just so much demolition and bleach and dust. So I'm currently recording in the basement away from the noise. Hopefully you don't hear any of it. And it's been so crazy. I literally forgot to do my podcast last night. I usually record on Monday nights and then post Tuesday morning. But here we are. (01:05) Here we are on Tuesday and you guys don't have a podcast, so let's go. So we're not going to have the intro music, all the fun. We're just going to get straight to it today. And I was sitting thinking about what a lot of my clients, what they say to me, what they're like, oh, I wish I could just, whatever. And a huge one recently has been, they know they're not supposed to take the bait. They know they're not supposed to. They know the narcissist wants them to react, but it's really just hard in the moment. So we're going to address that, talking about not taking the bait and how to stay unshakeable when the narcissist tries to hook you. Right? Okay, so if you don't know, you're on here, but I'm Christie Jade, host of Narcissistic Abuse Recovery podcast, and we're going to dive into one of the most powerful skills you can master on your healing journey, not taking the bait. (02:09) And if you've been following me, I say it all the time, don't take the bait. Don't take the bait. I really am considering getting T-shirts just as a little fun mantra for us to rock bright pink gold. What do you think? Tell me. And my Facebook group, by the way, go join my Facebook group. If you're not part of it, it's always in the show notes. It's free and it is private. We like that privacy part, okay? But when you stop reacting, you stop feeding that chaos. And when you stop feeding the chaos, the narcissist loses their favorite thing in the world, their power. And that's part of my goal. Look, my big goal is to live peacefully. But gosh, if I have to deal with a narcissist, one of my favorite things is to get, help them get rid of their power. Okay? So first name the game baiting is a strategy. (03:09) So if you've ever wondered why do they always know exactly what to say to set me off, this is not by accident. This is not just something they're doing without knowing it. And they will always manipulate and say, I didn't mean it. My intention wasn't that blah, blah, blah, right? Narcissist ba. Because your reaction is actually their reward, your spark, your emotion. They love to get emotion out of you, your energy. They love to drain your energy. It's like a little crispy snack that they're after. And you don't want to be their snack, right? So if you don't bite, they don't eat. Maybe we should have that as a tagline. Don't take the bait. If you don't bite, they don't eat. So when you can see their comment, their text, whatever, in conversation as bait, just knowing, and it takes some training in the mind, but as not truth, you instantly gain the power. (04:14) You're like, you know what they're doing. And it does, I promise. It becomes like second nature, it becomes a science. It goes, you become an observer. And a huge part of somatic healing, by the way, is being able to become the observer even of your own feelings. And that's a whole other show. But if you want to do somatic healing and heal from the body, girl, jump in the show notes. Let's work together. But in the situation with the narcissist, you move from, I have to defend myself, right? I have a client recently that was talking about this, just the smear campaigns, the painting you in a picture that is not accurate, that is bad, that, oh, you're the bad parent, you're the problem. They all do it. So you feel like you have to defend yourself, and you can change this into, I see what you're doing. (05:13) And I know some of you can't get there yet. That's why we have to do the one-on-one work to, from our body. Get to that point. You may not even be able to imagine being able to say so what? Right now. But I promise you, when you heal and you do the deeper work, you absolutely can get to that place. You stop caring what everyone else thinks, what they think, and you know that the truth comes out the truth. The people that matter will know the truth, right? And you can't control others. So just a little side note. Alright, so two, the three most common baits that you need to spot. I want you to hear these and think, yeah, then there. Because awareness is everything. So knowing what you're dealing with, again, so bait number one, the insult bait. That could just be as simple as, wow, calm down. (06:11) Or You're so dramatic, you're so sensitive. It was just a joke. I'm literally saying this, and it is bringing me back, and I peeled a lot, so I'm not getting that visceral feeling I used to. But now I look at it, I'm like, oh, what? Oh, it was so slimy, so calculated, so arrogant, so narcissistic. But these are designed to make you feel like they know you have to defend yourself after that, right? So it's on purpose to make you defend yourself, to explain, or as most of us have done over, explain yourself or even get louder, baiting you to be the crazy one, the loud one, the overdramatic one who's now yelling, right? All of which feed them. So imagine their big old head with their big old mouth just waiting to be fed. You're taking the bait, you're feeding them, you're feeding them, you're reasoning, you're explaining your energy, your emotions. (07:23) You're literally just giving them everything they freaking want. No more sis. Okay? The bait. Number two, the guilt bait. I know you're familiar with this one too, but we're calling it all out here. This is like a mic drop episode today, alright? After everything I've done for you, wah. Or I guess I'm just the bad guy. Oh, I love that one. I'm trying to think specifically. I remember a word, one of the narcs in my life. There's been a couple, but, oh, I guess I'm just the worst, I guess I'm just horrible. I guess I'm a horrible blah, blah, blah, because I'm a horrible boyfriend. Yeah, you fucking are. First of all, I Or oh, oh, so I'm the problem or I'm the problem now. Yeah. First of all, yeah, can we start saying just, yeah, and answering their questions. But these pull you into over-explaining and apologizing, right? (08:25) Because when you're in it, and even now, you might be out of the situation, but still can fall for these tactics sometimes, because we were created as empaths, as sweet people with big hearts, we were created to not want to make people feel bad. So if a healthy person said something to you that might make you feel guilty, you would turn inward and say, oh, well, maybe I did something wrong. But these are unhealthy people. So knowing they're unhealthy and knowing these are specific lines and things, they say, oh, I'm the problem now. I guess I'm the bad guy, right? Healthy people don't do that. Healthy people come to you and say, look, I have a problem. How can we get through this? And they talk it out like adults. I'm not saying people don't have, there are occasional moments where they may not know the exact right thing to say, but if you're with a narcissist or you're dealing with a narcissist or questioning if they're a narcissist, they have a pattern of unhealthy guilt trips. (09:34) So they're making you carry something that is not yours. And then the third bait is the chaos bait. How about when everything is fine? Things seem to be like, wow, this is the best we've ever been in a relationship. Or oh man, it's been nice and peaceful for a couple days probably because they can't really last super long. Boom, a fight over nothing, maybe anything, nothing. It isn't random. It's all about control, attention and emotional domination. When they feel like it's too quiet, they need the chaos. They need to be fed, they're hungry little animals with that mouth wide open, and they're just waiting for you to feed them that energy, that emotion, the defenses, the overexplaining. So once you can name these three baits, they actually lose a lot of their power. Okay, so now what number three is the tool? Pause, pivot, protect, pause, pivot, protect. (10:50) Maybe write that down. This is your new queen level nervous system armor, pause. All right. This is where the magic happens. And yes, it can take a little time. I don't want you to get upset if you can't do these tools overnight, okay? But work on them before you respond. You get a text or even you're at drop off with your co-parenting, or they're your boss, or they're your parent. No one says you need to respond immediately. Even if you're in person, send to yourself. Take a breath, three seconds. Let your nervous system just have a moment to not take that bait. Okay? Let the spike settle. It's really a spike, right? Your response, that visceral response, then pivot. Pivot away from their intention, which we just discussed as chaos and toward your intention. Okay? What's your intention? Say it with me. Class, peace, boundaries, clarity, all of the above. And ask yourself. So you're taking a few seconds, ask yourself, does responding to this serve my peace? (12:18) Sometimes you don't have to respond and you definitely don't have to respond or overexplain or give them emotion. You can walk away. I know with legal stuff, I have a lot. I mean, I think all my clients right now literally are dealing with co-parenting and exes. So if they're asking where drop off is, obviously there's things you need to respond to, but we're not talking about those things. We're talking about the situations where they are trying to get under your skin. They are guilt tripping you. They're saying, well, you didn't answer when I called. You don't even have to respond to that. (13:08) Does responding to this serve my peace? Then you protect. Where's your golden bubble? This is where you respond or you choose not to from a grounded place. So here's where we go into scripts. I actually have some scripts I'll put in the show notes for you too, but examples of protective responses, I'm not available for this. Tone. Simple. Eat that, shove that whopper down your throat, or we can continue this when the conversation is respectful. Chew on those fries. By the way, guys, hold on if you're on video, I'm going to put this on YouTube. So I am wearing my Grinch socks from McDonald's. Did you see McDonald's? They have an adult happy meal that brought me so much joy, and it has. I love my a DD, don't you? It's a Grinch box it. And they have, I think it's a large fry in there. (14:16) And then they have this packet of dill pickle seasoning, salt. It's Grinch salt. It's the whole Grinch theme. And you put it in a bag with the fries, shake it up. Holy cannoli. It is so delicious. I could scream. Oh, whoops. I keep forgetting. There's people in my house, the remodeler guys, they're right upstairs to eating lunch. They're probably like, why is that lady screaming about grinches? Anyway, the meal comes with a pair of socks, and I was so excited. I was hoping for the green pear because Grinch, and guess what? I got a green pear. That's favor. That's the favor of the Lord. All right, let's get back to it. We need a little break. This is heavy stuff. Okay, so where was I? Oh, yes, continuing when the conversation is respectful. Okay, another nice little response that's respectful, but direct, not emotional, right? Take your emotion out. Gray rock method people. If you haven't heard that episode of mine, it's gold. I will try to link that too. This isn't productive. Let's revisit later. (15:26) Simple. Let's give them the naked old beans in their mouth. Okay? I don't even know what that meant, but I liked it. And then last, but definitely not least, silence. Yeah, silence is a very complete sentence, especially in the eyes of a narcissist. You're standing in front of a narcissist. That's a good answer. Silence. They might hate it. They use it as a weapon. Why can't you? All right. I'm not saying use it. I am going to bear again, a reminder, if in a legal situation you need to respond about a specific thing that has to do with your child, your mutual child, obviously you're going to have to not give them the silent treatment, but only on that specific area. If you get an email and they say, when are you dropping Olivia off at my house? And then they go on to say, you know this and that and the other, and you did this. (16:30) And then I'll never forget how you did it. Just who knows? Do you know what they do? They bring up all sorts of trash to get a response. They can't just be human about it. So you respond to that email with 4:00 PM at the circle, whatever, facts, people. Facts. No drama, no excess information. They will, oh God, they want to eat information too. Okay? Their dessert is information from you, private information, any information that you do not have to give them legally do not give them. They will suck that cherry down real fast. Okay, where are we here? Oh, co-parent. Another co-parenting specific. I will only be responding to child related information. That should be upfront. I've talked about this to all of my clients. I will only be responding to child related information. Very important. And if you break it 40, what is that saying? (17:42) My old substitute teacher used to say, 30 lashes with a wet noodle. It was Catholic school, I dunno. But you'll get 30 lashes of wet noodle from Mrs. Mancini. I think that was really her name. Wow, look at that. The a, DD. It doesn't stop me from remembering things from 1991. Alright, so make sure you're sticking to your own boundaries. If you're not, give yourself grace, you're human and you just went through hell. Or maybe it was a while ago, but you have PTSD from narcissism. So give yourself a little break. And last one, I'll review and reply within 24 hours, unless you have otherwise an apparent agreement, parental agreement, divorce, decree, whatever. If you have something that says you have to reply within 12 hours, you can't go against it. So whatever legally is binding. But if not, I'll review and reply within 24 hours. (18:45) Instant deescalation tool brought to you by yours. Truly, you don't need to respond. We are conditioned by them to feel like we have to respond right away, or they're going to, who knows? What are they really going to do? If you're in a violent situation, that's a whole different story. If you're afraid of them violently, you need to deal with an attorney with that, the police with that restraining order with that. But if you're not, we are conditioned to be so hyper scared and fearing them so much that sometimes we lose the logical thought of the world's not going to end. If you don't fucking respond right now, I'll review it in 24 hours. You'll get something back. Won't be much though. Keep it simple, short. (19:43) Now let's wrap it up here. Well, we're almost done. Let's see how much I have a little more. But this section here, your calm is actually the one thing they cannot control. And that calm will drive them mad. But that's a good thing I've found in my time. Okay? Dealing with narcissists, yes, initial the first time or times that you are calm and you don't take their bait, they can come harder. They can come louder. That's why I say if they're violent, obviously it's a different story and you need to deal with that legally. But if they're just being a tantrum baby, baby tantrum, I don't know. That's okay. You don't fold the longer you stick to it. My point is, long-term, you're going to be much better off. (20:43) They never fully give up. Usually narcs, okay? But when it's too much of a fight, they can be very lazy. A lot of narcs are actually very freaking lazy. So eventually when they see you are, if you don't budge, and I'm a stubborn bull, so I got an upper hand on y'all, I'm sorry, but if you're a Taurus, what you can probably be as stubborn as me when you don't budge, eventually they do back off more, okay? The more you give, the more they're going to know that they can get that from you. And they're going to be like, oh, feet, miss S feed me. Okay? So you staying steady, it's not weak. You can think, oh, well, especially right after you're like, well, when you're in the start of your healing journey, it's like you almost can go the other side of the pendulum where it's like, well, I'm not going to stand for this and I'm going to stand up for myself now. (21:42) Right? There can be that. It doesn't work with nurses. So you staying steady and calm, that is the strength, it's the strategy. And you get to choose your piece over their bullshit. This is all about your piece. And if you have a child, your child's peace, okay? So when a narcissist cannot bait you anymore, they will. I'm telling you, they will get louder, meaner, more dramatic, not because you're doing anything wrong and it might feel weird or like, wait, this isn't working. It will, it will work. But they're old tools. Stop working. So they're going, okay, what do I need to do? Oh shit, I need to get louder. I need to get scarier. I need to get more manipulative. I need to do a bigger smear campaign. Go smear mother. Ever. Go smear all you want. Do you know the smear campaigns that I had on my back? My own family? (22:42) I mean, I had cousins. I had all sorts of crazy stuff being said about me. And I was like, well, the true ones will be here when I get out of this muddy freaking mess. And they were. And guess what? All those people that were told certain things and didn't know, like, oh, is that true? Guess who is super close with them now? This girl with her shiny ground, okay, you'll win in the end narcs. Don't win in the end. Trust me. Okay? So every time you choose that pause a boundary or silence, we love good silent treatment. You are rewiring your nervous system and breaking the trauma bond that the conditioning you've learned and that codependence and those strings, you may still have a couple tied that's trauma bonding, and we're going to sever the tie. But that's how you become unshakeable. That's how you get power back. (23:46) How you stop feeding that big narc mouth who was never going to love you the way you deserved in the first place. Am I right? Am I right? Yes. Okay. So if today hit home for you, make sure you share this with a friend. Maybe they're in the thick of dealing with a toxic person. Even if there's not a narc, there's things here that are very relevant just to anyone in a relationship with somebody who's controlling or toxic. And if you want to go deeper into that nervous system healing that I talked about, boundaries that actually stick, getting rid of the guilt that comes with those boundaries and emotional freedom. You know where to find me, always in my show notes, all the links to all the things that are in there. I've different packages and it's really important for you coming up. The holidays are crazy, and then it's a new year, a new start, and you don't need to feel like this anymore. (24:55) So if you're ready to step out of this and I got your hand, girl, we going to, I'm going to take you out of that mud, definitely. Let's do some one-on-one work all. You're not here to take the bait. Don't take the bait. We're going to make shirts. You are here to rise and shine your beautiful little crown, okay? And you're doing a great job already. So check out the show notes. You can also, if you have questions about working with me or anything else in this episode, or I forgot to put a link, you can email me. My email will always be there. It's fierce Mama C at gmail. Alright, I will see you in Thursday's episode, which will be a somatic healing exercise related to today's episode because all the magic needs to happen in that body. Okay, see you the next one. Bye.

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• Nervous System Reset When You Can't Stop Thinking About the Narcissist

  Episode Summary If the narcissist is gone but your thoughts are still stuck on replay, you are not alone. After narcissistic abuse, your nervous system can stay stuck in hypervigilance, intrusive thoughts, and mental loops — even long after the relationship ends. In this Thrive in 5, Christy Jade guides you through a fast, somatic reset you can use any time those obsessive thoughts flare up. You'll learn how to interrupt the loop, ground your nervous system, and bring your mind back into the present moment where you are safe. These tools take less than a minute and help retrain your brain to stop reacting as if the narcissist is still in your life. Your Next Step in Healing Work 1:1 with Christy — Coaching + Somatic Healing For survivors navigating intrusive thoughts, trauma bonds, co-parenting chaos, or emotional aftershocks of narcissistic abuse, get personalized support, strategy, and nervous system regulation tools. 1-Month Private Coaching https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly 3-Month Transformational Coaching + Somatic Healing https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly Get My Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts Scripts that help you shut down manipulation, stop JADE-ing, and communicate with confidence. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-fast-37/ Grab the Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free!) Your quick-start guide to setting boundaries without guilt. https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 Join the Facebook Community Connect with other women healing from narcissistic abuse https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989   TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:03): Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you, you guys. I'm in my basement, I'm in my pajamas, no makeup, hair, freshly washed and air dried, and we're ready to go. Hopefully you can hear me okay. So yes, we're doing a little video today. I'm proud. I'm trying out my old way where I used to do video too with my fuzzy pink mike. Ooh, matches my outfit. I feel like I'm like a candy cane over here if you can see me and that's something special. If not, it's something special. All right, so today we are doing a Thrive in five related to Tuesday's episode, which is why you're still thinking about the narcissist 24 7. If you have not watched that episode, go check it out. (01:08) Today we're doing a somatic reset for when you can't stop thinking about them. So first of all, you are not broken if you're still thinking about them. I know it's not fun, but even when narcissists are outside of our life or if we're no contact or we've pulled back, whatever, if your co-parenting, your nervous system is still unwinding from the chaos, the intensity and the constant emotional curve balls, right? So today I'm going to give you five somatic tools that you can use in the moment your mind starts looping. Okay? Alright. Number one, the thought to body check-in. So when a thought pops up, one of those, questioning yourself, questioning why something happened. Just agitation, anything that puts your nervous system into that like not okay mode. Notice where specifically am I feeling this in my body? Is it tension in the chest? Is it a knot in your throat? (02:23) Is it a sick stomach, butterfly? Kind of not in a good way. Feeling in the stomach, locating the sensation shifts you out of the story and into the present moment into reality. And the first step is breaking that loop. The second we're going to talk about a jaw and tongue release, and this is like an instant deescalation. So drop your tongue from the roof of your mouth. A lot of times it's held up there, you don't even notice, right? Drop it all the way down. Don't even let the tip, the tip off and we'll try to hang onto to the back of your teeth. That's called trauma, baby. You got trauma mouth. Alright, we're going to release the tongue all the way. Unc unclench your jaw. Let it relax. Look, I'm doing it now. You can't understand me. Then gently open and close it two to three times. Then let out a verbal sigh. Okay? So open, I'm going to do it and if you can see, it's going to be the best thing you ever saw today. All right, gently open and close three times. So go. (03:49) I know that was not my best look, it's not going to be yours either, but here we are. Okay. This though tells your brain the danger is not here anymore. You're out of danger and your thoughts soften almost immediately. If you got to go for a round two, do it. But one round of that, you should notice an immediate difference. Okay? Number three, the squeeze and melt pattern. Interrupt. If you've been in any of my yoga classes, anything like that, I love a good melt session. So make gentle fists. Squeeze your hands, your arms or your legs. I generally like to do hands and arms and you squeeze them for five seconds, like Mississippi seconds, not 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, like one Mississippi, two, right? You're tensing as best as you can release. (04:54) Repeat this twice, three times if you're feeling edgy. Okay? This is, it completes the stress response cycle and gives your nervous system a nice clean grounding reset. Number four, orienting, which we've done a lot of on this podcast, it's good, it's good, easy, simple work. You can teach it to your kindergartner, right? They can do it, you can do it and it works. My daughter just said she used it like two days ago. She said she was getting a little stressed out about something. It happens. We're tweeting now. And she said, and I did that thing you do. She didn't remember the name, but here's an example of it. Pick a color, blue, green, yellow, whatever. I'm going to go purple and find five things in your space that match the color. So I'd say purple. Of course I have barely anything purple here. It's going to take a while. (05:58) I'm really going to have to get present there. I found one. There's a stripe on the clock that's purple. There's a little ball that's purple. There's a basket that's purple. So this pulls your brain out of the trauma time and it's pulling it into the present, into the right now where you are safe. So it's pulling your body back from the unsafe place where your body still thinks it is clearly and it's saying, Hey, you're here with all this purple shit and you're safe, right? Number five, which you can do this one alone at any time, it's an easy one. But paired all of these paired together are a swell team. All right, number five, the I'm here. They're not breath. So you inhale through your nose in this is called a halo breath in through the nose, we're going to do four seconds. So in 4, 3, 2, 1, exhale, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. (07:17) And on that exhale, you're going to say internally or out loud, if you're a loud ass like me and you're going to say, I'm here. It's kind of hard to, I'm here as you're exhaling, but it's possible. Now you can say, breathe, exhale out and then say, I'm here. So through the nose, four out through the mouth, six internally saying, I'm here. Pause. Then there not, okay, obviously if they're right there, this isn't going to work. This is one of those, they can't be right next to you. This anchors your system though into the truth. The narcissist is no longer the context you're living in. Technically they could be right next to you. You can still do it not as effective, but as a representation of they're no longer if you're out of the situation, but you're still not there in the way they used to be where you lived under the same roof and you had to be on eggshells 24 7. (08:32) You're not in that situation anymore. But this is more effective if they're not sitting right next to, it's a good reminder. You're in a safe space. You're away from them. They are not here. I'm not under their thumb. Namaste, mofo. Okay? So use any and all of these tools. Anytime you start the loop, the spiral, okay? You're not obsessing, you are healing. If you were still in the same situation, you, you wouldn't be able to do this even this much. So I want you to remember that. Give yourself grace. I have a lot of clients currently having a theme I've noticed of beating themselves up and saying questioning, why am I like this when it's even some of my clients are pretty fresh out of these situations and they're asking, why do I feel stuck? If you were stuck, you would still be in this situation you were in and you wouldn't be able to even do any of these tools or use any of these tools. (09:44) You wouldn't be here with me now. So it shows your growth. It doesn't feel like it or it feels like it's taking a long time because it's painful. This isn't like jump overnight, but when we do one-on-one work, and you can ask any of my clients, there are major shifts. There are major shifts. And when we do the somatic healing, that's that body work healing through the body so that the body can catch up with the mind. Because remember, the body remembers everything. The body can get stuck. So we have to let it catch up and that's where the somatic healing comes in. So if you want to sign up, I have monthly and three month sessions right now, three months, your whole world is going to blast open. It's going to be freaking amazing. By the end of three months, you're going to not going to recognize yourself in a good way. Not saying you're bad, but guess what? You are. You're a queen and you're going to be a double queen. And you don't even know what that feels like. You haven't tasted the life of a double queen, but it's amazing, super peaceful, super confident, knowing who you are, finding that truth of who you really are. That person maybe you miss or you never really met that is inside of you. It is an amazing feeling to live this way. (11:17) And then we have monthly, which obviously is you pay for a month of sessions and you can always keep going, add on. But that is also very transformational. That is for someone who is ready to do this is all you're ready to do the work, right? This is like, I am so tired of feeling like this. I am sick of feeling guilty. I'm sick of feeling confused like why this happened or how am I affecting my kid? Is it my fault that some of this happened? All of these questions you need answered, I'm here to help answer them. And I'm here to also help shift the inside turmoil. (12:13) We are here, we go on journeys together, magical little journeys. I call 'em soul. Call 'em soul cas because they're actually, it's like a massage for the soul. It is. You come out of it and you feel amazing. So I know I'm blabbing on, but it's hard to describe it in a sentence what it's like, right? If you want to read more about it, there is the link in the show notes. Go ahead and click over there and then you can read more details on each option. And what else? My free Facebook group, come join other women just like you. It's private. So I go through all the questions making sure no creepy people slip into our group. It is a women empowerment group for narcissistic abuse victims. And yes, definitely join that and always check out the show notes for any information I talk about. (13:14) And don't forget to follow the podcast so you can get the next episode, because who would want to Ms. Christian or pajamas? Not you? Look, if you're listening right now, go peep over to my YouTube channel. I'll put the link that I have to remember the link to my YouTube channel so you're able to see it. All right? Catch you on the flippy. How is it? December already? Are you ready for the holidays? If you're co-parenting with the narc or you've got a close narc, you probably are not because you know the narcs come out like crazy during the holiday season because they do not want you to enjoy it. Okay? Let's be real. I will probably do another episode on that. I just did one about Thanksgiving, how the narcs act up even more around Thanksgiving. But I'll probably do one closer to Hanukkah and Christmas as well. (14:14) So look out for that. I'll see you in the next episode. And remember, I got you, I see you, I understand what you are going through and I know how to help you. So if you want my help, you know where to find me in the lovely little show notes, and I promise I won't wear my pajamas to our sessions, okay? Unless you put a special request in, I should start doing that. You want me to wear a crown? You want me to wear some pajamas? Just let me know. Alright? I also always have my email address so you can write. Say hello, introduce yourself, ask a question. I love getting emails from you guys. All right, so keep 'em coming. All right, see you in the next episode. Love u. Bye.

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• The Narcissist Is Gone… So Why Are You Still Thinking About Them 24/7?

  Episode Summary If the narcissist is no longer in your life but your mind still won’t let them go — replaying memories, overanalyzing past conversations, or bracing for a blow that isn’t coming — you are not alone. Obsessive thinking after narcissistic abuse is a normal trauma response, not a sign that you miss them or that something is wrong with you. In this episode, Christy Jade breaks down exactly why your brain keeps looping back to the narcissist 24/7, what your nervous system is trying to protect you from, and how trauma bonds + hypervigilance get wired into your body. You’ll learn the steps to interrupt the loop, calm your system, and finally start reclaiming your peace and mental space. This is your guide to taking your mind back — one breath, one shift, one moment of safety at a time. Your Next Step in Healing Work 1:1 with Christy — Coaching + Somatic Healing For survivors navigating high-conflict co-parenting, emotional chaos, or holiday-triggered anxiety, get personalized support, strategy, and nervous system regulation tools. 1-Month Private Coaching https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly 3-Month Transformational Coaching + Somatic Healing https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly Get My Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts Scripts that help you shut down manipulation, stop JADE-ing, and communicate with confidence. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-fast-37/ Grab the Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free!) Your quick-start guide to setting boundaries without guilt. https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 Join the Facebook Community Connect with other women healing from narcissistic abuse https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989   TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00): Girl, if the narcissist is long gone, but your brain is still acting like they're standing in your kitchen judging the way you slice strawberries. This episode is for you because today we're talking about why your mind won't shut up about them, even though you know they're toxic, they're gone, they're blocked, whatever, and hopefully living their best, irrelevant life. Alright, let's get your peace and your brain back online. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom, and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted. (01:01) Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up. All right, Queens, welcome back to the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Podcast. It's Christy Jade, your coach, your hype woman, your peace protecting partner, most importantly. And today we are going deep into one of the biggest things I hear from survivors. Christie, why am I still thinking about them all the time? I don't even want to. You are not crazy. You're not weak. I'm going to repeat that again. You are not weak. You are not stuck in the past. Even your brain is literally doing exactly what it was trained to do under trauma. (02:02) Today, you're going to understand why this happens. And more importantly, how to stop the obsessive loop so you can reclaim that big, beautiful queen brain of yours. Alright? So the truth that you have never really been told here is the wildest part. Your brain isn't thinking about the narcissist, it's thinking about danger. But because the narcissist was the danger, your brain glued the two together. So during the narcissistic abuse, your nervous system learns, if I don't predict their behavior, I might get hurt. If I don't stay hyper aware, I won't see the next explosion coming. Or if I miss a signal, chaos will hit. So your brain starts scanning, monitoring, remembering, analyzing. Also, you can, it's trying to help you out, sister, okay? But guess what? Your nervous system doesn't just magically unlearn that pattern just because the narcissist is gone. It's like firing a horrible employee. (03:14) But your security alarm still go off every time the wind blows, right? The thread is gone, but the wiring is still on. It's still there. All right? So the three reasons your brain won't let go first, your body is still in survival mode. So hyper vigilance is actually a physical state, not an intellectual decision. So even if you know the narcissist is gone, your nervous system, your body basically has not caught up with that yet. Okay? Two, your brain got addicted to predicting the unpredictable. Say that five times best. Alright, I call this the mental Olympics. You trained your brain and it's not your fault, right? But you did it. It was a thing for a safety trained your brain to analyze every micro expression, every text tone, every sigh they made, your brain became a full-time detective. Now it's retired, but it's still pacing around with its magnifying glass saying, what do I do now? (04:28) What do I do now because it's addicted? And number three, trauma bonds are real chemicals. They are not choices. Dopamine plus cortisol plus intermittent reinforcement equals your brain learned to chase clarity from someone who never gave it. Okay, I'll say that again. Your brain learned to chase clarity from someone who never gave it. It really wanted that clarity, didn't it? You know what I'm talking about, girl? So those loops don't shut off overnight. And again, it is not your fault. It is not your fault at all. Take a deep breath, release that shit. It's not your fault. So here's the shift time why you can finally let them go. Here's the good news. We want good news in this, right? Your brain can be rewired, it can learn safety again. It can learn peace again. It can learn you again. I love that part. It can learn you again. (05:39) You are not condemned to think about them forever. You just haven't given your nervous system the okay to stop doing the job it was forced into or it hasn't totally processed it. And healing isn't about forgetting them. It's about retraining your system to stop anticipating danger. I'm going to say that again. It's about retraining your system to stop anticipating the danger. And that's what we're going to do next. The break the loop blueprint. Let's do it. Here are the exact three practices that help myself. Some of my clients stop the obsessive thought cycles fast and for real. Okay? So first, you ground your body before you try to fix your thoughts. We are in our heads, right? Survivors are in their heads all the time, but the thoughts live in the mind. The trauma loop lives in your body and your body has to feel safe before your mind can actually let go. (06:53) So it's kind of like we try to do it reversed, right? Do this, put your hand on your chest. Inhale for four seconds and exhale for six. You always want to exhale a little longer during these sessions. Inhale 4, 3, 2, 1, and exhale, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Feel your feet on the floor. Say, I am safe in this moment. Okay? This is telling your brain we're not in danger anymore. Now, you can interrupt the loop with curiosity, not criticism. So instead of, oh, why am I still thinking about them, which I have heard more than I can even count, try, what is my brain trying to protect me from right now? What is my brain trying to protect me from? This flips the script from shame to self-understanding. What is my brain trying to protect me from? (08:00) And then you replace the survival job with a new one. Your brain's very busy. She's go-getter. She's an amazing queen. She got a queen brain, got to keep her shiny. She's got jobs to do. She needs a new job. So what are some jobs we could do here? Noticing pleasure, noticing your breath, noticing stillness, noticing what feels good, noticing you who you are, your truth, your beliefs. This is why this somatic work changes everything. I've been doing so much somatic work with my clients recently. And girl, if you want that deep somatic healing, I'm talking that body shift where the body just gets to rewrite, release, truly shift so that the mind can let go too. You need to do somatic work with me. You need to. It's you got to go sign up right now. Pause this, go to my show notes and sign up for one of my packages. (09:10) They're always there in the show notes. Anyway, somatic healing is mind blowing. If you want to find out more too, click on the link and it will give you a little more description than I'm giving you right now. But when your body learns that safety, your brain can start to slow down. That scanning eventually stop. That's the goal. To stop all the scanning, the living and hypervigilance is exhausting. I know I've been there. Okay, so your obsessive thoughts do not mean you actually miss them. They don't mean you're weak. I'm going to repeat that 80 times in today's episode. They don't mean you're weak. They don't mean you're failing at healing. They mean your brain is loyal. It's protected you for a long time. This could be from the person you have in mind right now. Could also be someone, a parent, a sibling, someone in your childhood. (10:13) It could be stacked together, multiple people, but your brain has been protecting you. And now we have to teach at peace. And you don't have to do that alone, right? This is why I help women do what we do every single day. Let's get your life back. Let's get your mind back. Let's get you back. The real you that you deserve to have hosting this life, right? Not living in this constant obsessive thoughts in general, the anxieties of the hypervigilance, and then the thoughts about them. So definitely sign up in my show notes. I have limited availability, but I am taking, probably can squeeze in one or two clients. And when you sign up, we will figure out a schedule that works for you. Don't worry. So if you sign up, don't worry, I have enough space in my calendar. I do this on purpose where I leave space for you guys, so I can really, really give my all to each of you. Okay? (11:25) That's it for this week on, not this week for today, Thursday, later this week, we'll do a little extra somatic exercise related to this. And don't forget to follow, follow, follow, follow, follow, follow my podcast on my main page. Hit the follow button of wherever you're listening so you don't miss an episode, and you can join my free Facebook private group. Okay? It's private. It is not public. I go through every single, this is one of the pains in my asses of what I do. One of those backend of business things they call it. I go through everyone's questions. I make sure you are legit people. That's why you have to give your email address. I'm very, we're keeping you people safe and private, okay? So it a safe, private space where women like you are there and we can chat and share stories, and I'll do little live videos. So go join that sign up for somatic Healing with me. If you want true transformation, if you feel like your brain is all over the place and you just feel ready to heal, but don't know what to do, you have these obsessive thoughts. I'm your queen master. We're going to master this together. Okay? So love you guys. See you in the next episode.

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• Surviving a Toxic Thanksgiving? Your 5-Step Sanity Saver to Protect Your Peace

  Episode Summary If Thanksgiving brings up anxiety, dread, or that tight feeling in your chest because a toxic or narcissistic family member might be there… you are not alone. Holiday gatherings can activate old wounds, emotional landmines, and survival instincts you didn’t ask for. In this episode, Christy Jade breaks down exactly how to stay grounded, calm, and in your power — even if the room is dripping with passive-aggressive comments, guilt trips, or classic narcissistic behavior. You’ll learn how to prepare your energy ahead of time, protect your emotional space in the moment, and end the night without absorbing anyone’s chaos. This is your 5-Step Sanity Saver for the holidays. Your Next Step in Healing Work 1:1 with Christy — Coaching + Somatic Healing For survivors navigating high-conflict co-parenting, emotional chaos, or holiday-triggered anxiety, get personalized support, strategy, and nervous system regulation tools. 1-Month Private Coaching https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly 3-Month Transformational Coaching + Somatic Healing https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly Get My Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts Scripts that help you shut down manipulation, stop JADE-ing, and communicate with confidence. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-fast-37/ Grab the Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free!) Your quick-start guide to setting boundaries without guilt. https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 Join the Facebook Community Connect with other women healing from narcissistic abuse https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989 TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00): Hello Queens. This is your Thrive in five, a special episode for the holidays coming up. Whether it's Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza, whatever you are celebrating, the narc, I'm sure will not want you to be happy. So they are going to cause you distress in whatever way they can. We know that's true. If you haven't listened to Monday's episode, I posted a little early this week because of the holiday. Make sure to check that out. That is more specific to even helping if they're trying to change plans and whatever. And you can use some of these tips for that situation. But also these tips for if there is someone at the place you're going to, if you co-parent, maybe you parallel parent and they're going to be there, or maybe it's just a toxic family member, whatever it is. I got you covered for this holiday piece. (00:52) Reset. So Thanksgiving is supposed to be this feeling of warmth, grounding, connectedness. But when there's a narcissist or any toxic person in the mix, your nervous system is already on guard before the Turkey even hits that table. Queen, we know that, right? You go in like, oh gosh, I'm going to have to deal with this. And you already go in stressed out. So I'm going to give you some five steps, sanity, savers for the holiday season. Number one, pre decide your energy. This is where people don't like, always love this. But you get to make choices and decide. So before you walk in to whatever situation, or even if you're answering a text about your ex trying to change plans, you choose the vibe you're going to bring into that conversation, into that room. You're going to bring what? Anybody? Anybody? Yes. The one in the crown. (01:57) Good, yes. Calm, neutral, and unshakeable. Okay? No one gets to hijack that. Number two, set your internal boundary. So a simple mindset shift, like their behavior is about them. My piece is about me. It keeps their chaos out of your body. So really differentiate. I like to zoom out. I'm very visual. If you're a visual person, this will help kind of having a zoomed out observation kind of mode going on where you're picturing you and them, your separate entities, they have a bunch of dark, crazy, chaotic energy that they can bring all they want you are going to envision. You are in a golden globe of calm and joy, and you're not going to let their dark energy penetrate yours. So if you're visual, that'll help. If not, just think in your mind, their behaviors about them. My piece is about me, and if you have a child, you're a child as well. (03:02) Alright, number three, keep a grounding anchor nearby. This could be a bracelet, a ring, a cold drink, something you can touch to reset your nervous system. When tension rises. I prefer a bracelet. I don't know why. Just like that. And I don't really need that hack anymore. But when I was first going through a lot of toxicity separation and I would start to get in my head, or if I had to be around the person, I would use that. I liked the kind of just moving that bracelet around, fidgeting with it, whatever, and kind of just focusing on that and breathing and getting through it. So anchoring on something tangible that you can touch to just kind of reset your nervous system. Number four, take micro breaks. You're allowed to step out, step outside, go to the bathroom, take some breaths, pretend to check a message. (04:00) You don't need permission to protect your peace. If let's say it is even just someone toxic at your Thanksgiving, uncle, uncle Charlie, he's at it again, talking politics, screaming around. You can say, oh, I've got to take this call. That's imaginary. Okay? Step outside. You can just go to the bathroom, take a few breaths. Remember, it's them. It's their chaos. Don't let it go into your glorious love bubble. Okay? And number five, end the night with the nervous system. Exhale. So stretch, breathe, journal, take a nice shower or bubble bath. Anything that tells your body it's over. I'm safe now. And it might just be this whole week. Maybe you were fighting with your ex over the holidays and who gets what, right? Or not who gets what, but what? Visitation rights. You already have a plan and they're trying to change it last minute. (05:01) All of this stuff I've heard from my clients. A lot of stuff going on with holiday drama. So even if it's just been a rough week altogether, give yourself time for you to kind of rejuvenate and remind yourself, look, it's over. Take a breath. I'm safe now. That's important. Just that I'm safe, right? You are safe. Even if your body is triggered and having PTSD, that might feel like it's not safe. So you don't have to fix anybody. You don't have to match anyone's energy. Be like, well, if they're going to be like this, I'm going to be like, that's your choice. But that sucks. You don't want to match their nasty energy. It's the whole point. You don't want to be around them and you just have to stay connected to you, okay? And your child of course, if you have a child with you. (05:51) So if you want to, in between now and Christmas, if you're a little worried about Christmas and holiday season, I do have openings for one-on-one. I will always have that in the show notes. If you want to check out how to work with me and really customize this journey. I mean, I love all my podcasts and my tips. I know they're helpful. I get emails from you guys saying how helpful they are, and that makes me so, so happy. But if you want true, transformational, long lasting, deeper healing, you really do need to have somebody there with you, whether it's me or somebody else. If you have a great therapist that really knows narcissism, congratulations. That's amazing. I have a lot of clients come in to me that say, I just can't find a therapist that really gets it. And they know I get it. (06:45) Obviously I get this stuff. So I would love to work with anyone who is not currently living. If you are in a situation and you're currently still married, living with the narcissist, I do not take clients on that are still in an unsafe situation. But if you have removed yourself and you are now on that cycle to healing that beautiful journey, congratulations and I do have openings. So we can, if you have any questions, feel free to email me. My email is always in the show notes as well. Alright, you guys have a safe and happy and peaceful Thanksgiving and holiday season. And don't forget to follow my podcast. So you get every episode it. Everyone needs a little queeny podcast. All right, love you guys. See you in the next one.

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Sobre NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship