NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship

In this Thrive in 5, Christy Jade guides you through a simple five-minute process that helps you protect your child’s emotional safety when dealing with a narcissistic parent. Instead of reacting from fear, conditioning, or pressure to “keep things smooth,” you’ll learn how to regulate your body, detach from the narcissist’s hooks, and model calm authority your child can immediately feel.

This micro-training focuses on one small but powerful shift: stabilizing your own nervous system so your child learns emotional safety, discernment, and self-trust — even when the other parent continues their chaos. These five minutes will change how you show up in high-conflict moments.

Feeling stuck in the mental loop of the narcissist? Let’s reset it.

If you’re tired of the obsessive thoughts, emotional triggers, or constantly replaying what happened, my Calm & Clarity Reset Call is designed to help you shift out of that spiral quickly.

In this focused 1:1 session we’ll calm your nervous system, untangle what’s actually keeping you stuck, and create clear next steps so you can move forward with confidence.

Book your Reset Call here:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/calm-and-clarity-reset-call/

3-Month Coaching Container: Reclaim Your Peace

This container is designed for women who are ready to stabilize their nervous system, rebuild self-trust, and start creating real emotional freedom after narcissistic abuse.

Apply here:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

6-Month Coaching Container: Queens of Peace

For deeper healing and long-term transformation. Together we work through trauma patterns, boundaries, nervous system regulation, and rebuilding the life you want after abuse.

Apply here:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/

12-Month Coaching Container

This is the highest level of support for women ready to fully reclaim their power and build a life that feels peaceful, confident, and aligned.

Apply here:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/

Additional Support & Resources

Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free)
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts
https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/

Empowered Boundaries Course
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Free Facebook Community
https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:03):

Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you. Today's Thrive in five is all about your energy and moments when the narcissistic parent creates tension because your kids absorb your state more than the actual words that are spoken, right? They're little sponges. So you're going to teach your child safety by regulating yourself first, right in the moment. So we're going to give you this advice. You can save this if you're feeling it right now. You can use it now, but you can listen to know what to do. And then definitely save this episode. So in the moment you can refer to it and maybe you can even take little notes. But this is definitely a saver episode. Alright, so you're going to set your timer for five minutes, okay?

(01:06)
Get yourself a little timer. It can be on your phone. One of those cute ones you have in the kitchen, the little kitchen timers. I have one that's a little mushroom. It's so cute. Alright, squirrel. Okay, so five minutes. Minute one, you're going to notice your body's alarm system. So think of that last text demand or surprise request from the narcissistic parent, right? And your body probably does one of these things. The chest tightens, the stomach drop. I know that one. The shoulders rise all the way up to your ears and your breath gets shallow, right? One of those two of those, all of those. So first, in that first minute, notice it name the sensation out loud like my chest feels tight. Naming it out loud equals calming it. Okay? True, true facts, only true facts here on the Queen's show. Alright, minute two, you're going to then slow the pace for your child.

(02:11)
Kids mirror your nervous system. Okay? Remember that? So you can repeat this three breath pattern and you can do it silently or with your child if they're present to teach them, right? We're role modeling and teaching our children what to do when stress comes about. So one, you're going to inhale through your nose. Two, you're going to hold it for two seconds, and three, you're going to exhale a little longer than that. Inhale. And this tells your child and yourself, we handle intensity with calm, not chaos. Opposite of the lovely narc, right? We want to be opposite. So we handle intensity with calm, not chaos. Minute three, detach from that narcs hook. Okay? Ask yourself, what is the fact here? Not the feeling. I get it. We are all up in our feelings. We're empaths. We're good hearted people, we've been mind ed, right? I get it.

(03:22)
But we need to role model and give ourselves peace. So what is the fact? So what's an example of that? The feeling is he's trying to control me again and getting triggered. The fact is pickup is at four. That's all I need to address. Whatever he's trying to do, we don't need to worry about. It's good to know that, right? That's very helpful when you're learning about the narcissist. But we know that already now at this point. Yeah, but our focus is the fact, whatever the deal is, pickup, set for whatever facts are safe, that's our safety feelings. That is the narcissist playground, right? They want to see and feel and hear all your feelings. That's you taking their bait. So this reduces your reactivity and models discernment for your kid, no matter how old they are, if they're two or they are 18. Alright, minute four, we're going to choose one sentence of calm authority.

(04:32)
So pick one neutral boundaried line, like per the order pickup remains at four o'clock. Or I'll refer to the agreement or I'm not available for additional changes. Short and steady to the point. I always say, don't take the bait, don't get emotional, keep it short. And that equals emotional safety for your child too. Okay? So this is the piece that those kids internalize for life. How are you responding? Calm and authoritative, right? Per the order. Pickup remains at four. It's just the facts. People. We're queens. We don't have time for all these big emotions. Okay? Number five, we're minute five. Sorry. Teach your children one mini skill, okay? And again, refer back to Tuesday's episode. If you have not listened to that, please go listen to that. That's going to really dig into the best ways to deal with the entire situation with a narcissist, dealing with the kids and all of the toxic things you don't want to do yourself.

(05:52)
And how to keep the peace, but in a way that isn't what you normally would do with someone who's not toxic. So please watch. Listen to that episode if you haven't. So right after contact with the narcissistic parent, you're not going to trash talk them, right? You're going to do the mature adult thing that will keep peace for you and your child. You can't control the narc, okay? Do this one grounding micro practice with your child. And this one, you get to even call it a fun little cute child thing. The butterfly hug. And it's 30 seconds and anyone can learn this and it is good for you. It's good for a 2-year-old. It's good for that 15-year-old who's going to roll their I. So you just cross your arms over your chest. You tap the left side right on the top of your arm tap.

(06:46)
I'm doing it right now if you can hear, I'm giving myself a good old butterfly hug. And then tap the right, tap the left. Tap the right while you are slowing your breathing in through the nose, out through the mouth. Tap left, tap right. Okay. So cross arms over chest tap left tap right, tap left, tap right. Slow breathing until you feel your nervous system calm. But 30 seconds is a good amount of time and you can say your body knows how to keep you safe. So this teaches them to trust the intuition that therapists, some therapists tell them to ignore that. Tell them to push through and to keep the peace. That's the keeping the peace that I'm not here for. We're not bypassing feelings. We are honoring our intuition, their intuition and teaching them your body knows how to keep you safe. And doing the butterfly hugs.

(07:54)
There's other examples too, but that's a good one is very important to me. So you don't change a narcissist, you're not going to change the narcissist, but you can change the energetic environment that your child grows up in while they're in your care. And they can do these things. And I know a narc is very controlling, so maybe they can't do it right in the middle of an interaction with their narc parent. But you can tell them if you ever have a tense situation at narc, parents, don't call 'em narc, but narc parents home and there's an interaction that makes you sad or upset, just don't take the bait. You can teach them in children's terms of not taking the bait, just kind of gray rocking a. And when they get a chance to be in private, to go to their room or whatever, teach them the grounding skills they will need because they will need them.

(09:05)
And again, I say not everyone wants to really say all this out loud. If your child is a child of a narcissist, they need to be prepared. That's okay. We are where we are here. We can't change the past, we can't change what happened. All we can do is do the best with where we are. And your child can still be an amazing, healthy individual. They have you as a parent that is getting healthy, that's learning these tools that cares immensely for them. So they're ahead of a lot of people. Look, there are people with two parents that nobody really teaches them any tools or how to do X, Y, Z. So you are prepared, you're getting prepared and you're helping them prepare for what they need to do to cope with these situations. So this can be little, just five minutes at a time things.

(10:02)
We have the five minute situation and then we have just the butterfly hug alone. They can do that easy peasy lemon squeezy in 30 seconds that can just calm them down and help their nervous system. And they get to also say to themselves, your body knows how to keep you safe during those times. So save this episode already. And don't forget if you didn't listen to Tuesday's episode, definitely, definitely listen to that. It's a great episode. I may be biased, but it's amazing. Just kidding. So if you're not following my podcast, go find the follow button so you don't miss any episodes because we got some good shit up in here. Okay? Yeah, we do. And as always, all the information is in the show notes as far as how to work with me. If you want transformational kick ass customized help, there's a couple different ways you can check the links out.

(11:07)
But I have monthly and I have a three month really transformational, crazy, amazing epic work. And both I do coaching with you and somatic healing, which is through the body. We are healing deep stuff, but we don't have to do this super sad. Let's lay on a couch and cry about it for five hours, right? We're not going to bypass feelings, but we are going to have some magic happen. We're going to GoFund places, I call 'em Soul Cas. We go on little locations. We help our nervous system regulate. There's so many beautiful things in somatic healing. So you can read more about that in the links in my show notes. And I have a free private Facebook page, so definitely go join that to be around more women who understand what you're going through. It's a women only private Facebook group for narcissistic abuse recovery.

(12:08)
So jump on and there. And I have, if you haven't grabbed them yet, there is my pocket boundaries. What's it? Boundaries Pocket guide is the official term. And that's just some helpful boundaries that you can set just a little free before you. And I also have my Boundaries course, which is self-paced if you just want something more like that. So obviously the one-on work with me is where you're going to get the deepest, most beneficial work. But there are other options out there. If you're not ready for that or can't the investment, you can't make that investment. So definitely check all of that out and I will see you in the next video. It's not a video, not, I keep calling it a video. I was a YouTuber once, a big bad YouTuber. I still have my YouTube actually should go check it out. There's all sorts of crazy weird videos on there.

(13:09)
Steal a Kiss 33 on YouTube. I barely do videos there anymore. But yes, that was my life, my old life. I did makeup tutorials, I did vlogs, all sorts of fun. And I should be putting videos up there, but I'm very focused on my podcast and my book I'm writing. Once I finish my book, I might start doing more videos again just for funsies. But yes, you guys, I'm also writing a book about narcissistic abuse recovery and it's going to be awesome. I'm so excited. All this stuff I'm working on right now is just very, very exciting. So I can't wait to get that completed. I hope I'm writing that. I'm on chapter seven out of 12, but I'm going to go over it a couple more times. And I have a couple people waiting in the wings that are going to read it as beta readers. And then I do have an editor in New York City that I'm going to work with to edit it and the publishing. And I think she may be helping me with that too. But it's going to be unlike any other narcissistic abuse recovery book that is out there of that, I am sure. Right? I think if you know me, that's not a surprise. This is not going to be boring, old, stale facts. There's some queening going on in it. So stay tuned for that. Alright, I will see you in the next audio in the next podcast, not video and chin up. Shine that crown. You look amazing, okay? And you are so valuable and so, so special, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Okay? Okay. Bye.

Ready to stop feeling like a doormat in your own life?
Snag your FREE copy of “Bye, Guilt. Hello, Boundaries! Guide to Boundaries That Stick (Without the Guilt Spiral)”
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

This isn’t your typical fluffy PDF. You’ll learn how to:
💥 Ditch guilt for good
💥 Set boundaries that actually hold up (even with narcissists)
💥 Protect your peace like the queen you are

This guide is your first step to saying nope with confidence—and meaning it.

—

🎧 EPISODE BREAKDOWN:

Let’s be honest—co-parenting with a narcissist is next-level. You’re not just managing a schedule… you’re managing chaos, manipulation, and emotional landmines.

In this episode, I’m breaking down:

The #1 mindset shift that will change the game

Boundaries that actually work with a narcissistic co-parent

Scripts and strategies to stay calm, clear, and in control

Why traditional co-parenting advice fails (and what to do instead)

This is your permission slip to stop playing nice and start protecting your peace.

—

💬 Join my private FREE Facebook group for support + healing:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

—

💥 Want to go deeper with boundaries at podcast listener's VIP pricing?!
Check out my Empowered Boundaries Course—a self-paced journey to help you stop people-pleasing and start standing tall in your truth.
👉 https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/?coupon=QUEEN50

—

Let’s connect:
💖 Instagram: @fiercechristyjade
💬 Email support & coaching: [email protected]

  

👉 Book your private session → https://christyjade.com/somatichealing

 

:  

---

 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Tired of feeling like your narcissistic ex is still controlling your life somewhat, even after the breakup you're trying to co-parent. But it feels more like combat. Let's be real, right? Boundaries should help. So why do they not seem to work with them today? We're getting into y narcissists are different beasts when it comes to co-parenting and some boundary strategies that actually work. Let's go clean. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back while you're in the right place. Queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry ice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted.

(01:03)
Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself. Again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up. Hello, it is Christa. Today we're diving into one of the most exhausting post abuse challenges, co-parenting with a narcissist. Let's be real. This is not normal. This is parallel parenting with a manipulative, self-serving adult child who uses the kids as pawns and the drama as fuel. They love that drama and that's why, oh, just communicate better or take the high road advice from well-meaning people doesn't work here. It doesn't work. And so let's break it down. Why are they different? Right? First, they don't want peace.

(02:10)
Some healthy minded individuals after a divorce may be hurt, but they really do want peace in the end. So they might disagree with you, but they actually want the resolution a narcissist. They want what control. We know that chaos, they actually want chaos and a reaction. You're feeding them even if it's a negative reaction. So if your boundaries are focused on keeping the peace, you're already playing their game. Okay? Number two, they weaponize everything. So information, your tone, the kid's schedule, anything can be twisted. This means your boundaries have to be so tight, minimal. And my part of what I teach in my boundaries course and elsewhere is emotionless. And that's hard. That's hard for a lot of you, and it was hard for me, but there's ways to do it, okay? And number three, they see boundaries as attacks. They're not seeing, you're protecting yourself.

(03:19)
They're seeing you attacking them. So it's a rejection. And we all know that narcissists cannot handle rejection. So they'll either push back on it, they'll guilt trip you, or one of the worst things, especially when you're dealing with co-parenting and children, they will punish you through the kids. So that's why setting the boundary isn't enough. You need a backup plan for the backlash because there inevitably will be backlash with a narcissist when you set a boundary. So some boundaries that actually work with narcissistic co-parents or parallel parents, we'll call 'em Number one, like I said, I love the no emotion rule. Use a no emotion, no explanation policy. So think of it like a business email energy. So I'm not available to swap weekends. Please refer to the agreement, not I can't this weekend I have a family event and I've been really overwhelmed. No, save all that noise.

(04:27)
The unnecessary information that they can use to turn on you, they use it against you later. They'll twist it, whatever, no extra info, very to the point. They love when you overexplain. Keep it short, clear, no room for debate or conversation. Number two, communicate only through a parallel parenting app. So our family wizard is the one I have heard great things about, or talking parents. I don't know someone personally who uses that, but I've seen that also talked about. And they document everything and reduce that real time interaction. Why? Because narcissists specifically are less likely to manipulate when the receipts are permanent. They might still do it, but then it's documented and you have it against them, right? But they are a little less likely to, especially when they're not up in a rage to do that because they can be very calculated. So they're like, oh yeah, I don't want that outside of this circle with my ex.

(05:37)
So it will help them and help you. So the bonuses, you won't be tempted to respond to their nonsense at midnight. You're on this app, it helps you too. So I just love technology in situations like this. Number three, set emotional boundaries with you yourself. Okay? This is the one no one really talks about. You are not just setting boundaries with them. You're setting them with yourself. Okay? So here's an example. I will not engage with my parallel parent after 6:00 PM whatever it is. Maybe that's not your time, maybe it's eight. Whatever suits your schedule and your peace of mind, let yourself have those nights where you can just relax and say, I'm not even going to acknowledge them. Number two, I will not read texts more than once. Don't get into that monkey mind where you read things over and over and try to analyze and figure out. Read it just once. And then to the third point, I will pause before responding so I don't go into trigger mode. And there's more on this in my boundaries course. But if you don't go into trigger mode, you help yourself keep that piece, you're helping yourself.

(07:06)
They're going to keep coming at you. You can't control them. You can't control what you're doing. So you can control when you, you're accepting their texts, looking at them, you can control how many times you're looking at them. And you can control, even though it's a little hard saying, I'm going to go count to 30, right? Do something like that. And once you get to 30, your body has already calmed down a bit, and you can go into something else and then have a second point of, okay, now that I'm calm, I'm going to just leave that and I'm going to go do this. Maybe to take your mind off it. Put on some funny animal videos. Go throw some laundry in. Whatever you got to do to kind of get out of that triggered emotional response because you do not want to take their bait and respond while you were feeling that way.

(07:59)
And we want to keep it short and simple, like I said. And when you're in trigger mode, you can't do that. So this though, a bonus of emotional boundaries with yourself is this builds that self-trust. We've talked about that. You have trouble trying to get back. You don't know if you can trust yourself anymore. This help builds that. Setting boundaries with yourself. You're making agreements with you and you're protecting yourself. And when you trust you, their chaos cannot pull you back in. When you get to that point where you start saying, okay, I've got me, I'm going to protect me. I know what I'm doing. They can't get you back in. I love that. So let's recap. Narcissists don't want peace. They want power. We know that regular co-parenting tips do not work on dynamics. They just don't. Number three, your boundaries need to be airtight.

(09:02)
The biggest thing, emotion free, if you take anything from this podcast, emotion free and backed by emotional self-protection, right? So take the emotions out it, step away. Do not respond when you are triggered. Final thoughts here. You're not powerless, okay? You're not difficult or bitter for setting limits at all. They'll make you think you are, but you're not. I'm the queen. Be a boundaries. I know, okay, you're not. You're a mom. Reclaiming her peace in the middle of a damn storm. That is crazy. But do you know that's actually your superpower? That you are here saying, I'm going to show up for my kids. I'm going to show up for myself. I'm not doing this anymore. That's not bitter, that's not mean. That's smart as hell.

(10:02)
So if you're ready to create boundaries that actually stick, even with the most manipulative X, you can download my free guide called Buy Guilt, hello Boundaries. I love it. And that is packed with guilt-free scripts starter steps to help you say no with zero apology. And you can go from there. I do have a course too, but check out that free guide first, and I will put the link as always in the podcast description area, the notes area, whatever you want to call it, and make sure you're subscribed to the podcast so you get all my goodies. But I'm so excited. This is a brand new free guide. This Buy Guilt, hello Boundaries. It's going to help you out. It's brand new. So it's got all sorts of good stuff that I have learned through the years and polished up. So go grab that. That is your homework for this day. Go grab that. It's, I'll have the link like I said in the description, and I will see you in the next episode. Don't forget, Thursdays are my quicker episodes that are more like hands-on healing from the body visualizations, meditations. Sometimes we'll do like a script, so they're shorter, little bite sized episodes that you can save and go back to over and over again. So make sure to follow the podcast so you get the notifications, and I will see you on Thursday. Bye, queen.

Breaking the Trauma Bond: What Keeps You Hooked (And How to Finally Break Free)

Episode Description (Show Notes):
You left… but you still feel hooked.
You blocked them… but you still think about them.
You know they were toxic… so why does part of you miss them?

Welcome to the trauma bond.

In this episode, Christy breaks down:
What a trauma bond really is
Why you feel addicted to someone who hurt you

The exact steps to finally unhook and come back to YOU

If you’ve ever felt confused, ashamed, or obsessed after narcissistic abuse—this is your wake-up call (and your soft place to land). 💕

Free Gift: The Boundaries Pocket Guide
Want to stop second-guessing yourself and finally set boundaries that stick without the guilt spiral?
Download Christy’s free Boundaries Pocket Guide — designed to help you reclaim your peace and protect your power after narcissistic abuse.
Grab it here → https://christyjade.kit.com/ce79ea9250

Ready to Go Deeper in Your Healing?
Whether you’re newly out or years into recovery, support changes everything.
Here are 3 powerful ways to work with Christy:

Reclaiming You: 1:1 Clarity & Intake Session
This 90-minute session is for the woman who’s serious about healing and wants to explore working together in a deeper way. It’s not designed as a one-off quick fix—but rather a powerful first step for those considering the monthly or 3-month coaching containers. If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure which path to take next, this session is for you.
Book here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

3-Month Transformational Coaching Package
This is the most supportive and spacious container I offer. We’ll dive deep into emotional healing, nervous system support, boundary work, and personal empowerment so you can rise fully in your peace and power.
Learn more: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

 Related Episodes You’ll Love:
Still Attached to the Narcissist? This Deep Cord Cutting Practice Can Help
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-attached-to-the-narcissist-this-deep-cord/id1662241353?i=1000708306120

Thrive in 5: Still Energetically Tied to the Narcissist? Cut the Cord With This Quick Practice
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-energetically-tied-to-the-narcissist-cut-the/id1662241353?i=1000706789155

Stay Connected:
email: [email protected]

Follow Christy on Instagram →

https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So you block them, you want no contact, whatever it is, they're toxic. So why does part of you still miss them or just obsess over them? Why do you feel guilty or worse even tempted to go back? I've been getting some messages lately with listeners who really are trying to stay away and out of the life and not take the bait, but it is hard for them. So let's go into it. If you've ever felt like you're addicted to the narcissist, this episode is for you. We're talking about the trauma bond, what it is, why it's so hard to break, and how to finally unhook and come back to you because you're the queen, right?

(00:46)
Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up.

(01:44)
Hello, beautiful soul. Welcome back to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Podcast where we were clean that peace, protect our power, and rebuild self-trust after narcissistic abuse. I'm Christy Jade, and today we are going deep into something most survivors wrestle with. I'd probably say all of them, even after they leave it is the trauma bond. That soul tie feeling, the obsessive loop that goes round and round in your mind, that craving for someone you know is harmful. And we can get shame about this, right? Kick that shit to the curb. We don't have time for your shame. Alright? So you're not crazy. You are trauma bonded and we're going to talk about it. So what is a trauma bond? It is a psychological and physiological attachment. These are real things, okay? Science that forms through repeated cycles of abuse and the intermittent reinforcement. So basically they hurt you.

(02:49)
They love bomb you, so you feel relief, right? Then what do they do? They pull away again. It's like, yo-yo, right? And your nervous system actually does become addicted to this cycle. The ups and downs, it becomes attached to it. It's the cycle. It's familiar, and you want that relief, right? Even after they hurt you, you're waiting, okay, well, I'm just holding onto that high. So kind of like a slot machine. You don't really know what you're going to get each day. You keep pulling the lever, hoping this time they're going to love you, right? They're going to treat you right? You're going to change them. Maybe this is all stuff I've heard about in my own life, of course, and then heard from you guys and working with clients. So the more unpredictable the behavior, the stronger bond.

(03:48)
That's why narcissists are masters at trauma bonding you so signs that you're still hooked even after going no contact or low contact. These trauma bonds can still linger. So here's some signs to know if you are still bonded, you miss them more than you want to admit. You might keep it on the dl. You fantasize them about them changing. Maybe even after you are broken up completely could be after you're divorced, these things happen, right? You doubt yourself or feel guilty for leaving. You have those moments. Maybe it's not all the time you feel anxious, empty or depressed without them. And again, this can be one or all of these. You don't have to necessarily feel all of these, but these are different versions. You minimize what they did. Oh, it wasn't that bad, right? Or look, we had good times though, right? That's minimizing the bad too.

(04:51)
Or you feel pulled to contact them even when you know it's basically self-sabotage. You still have that pull. This isn't weakness. And I know we can feel weak when we're in this, I get it, but it's a physiological, psychological and emotional loop. And until you interrupt it, it's going to keep looping. So why is it so hard to break? We're going to break down why you're still hooked. Even when your logical mind, you know that guy, there's like on the left shoulder, his logic says run. There is brain chemistry involved in this. So take a sigh of relief, maybe hug yourself. Like, Hey, this is actually a real condition in my brain.

(05:39)
So give yourself grace, please. So each high you got after a discard or mistreatment abuse, the hoover, the love bomb. That's the cycle. Discard Hoover love bomb released dopamine. You literally became chemically addicted to those tiny hits of validation and relief. And it's a cycle of knowing, oh, well, you know the pattern. You've been around this person long enough to know what the pattern is. So that can look like, oh, there's this abuse. I know what comes after it. That dopamine hit, it's going to feel better after. So I'm going to stick around for that dopamine. Okay?

(06:26)
Also, you attach during crisis. So that's another reason you are hooked, right? So you brain bonded during trauma. This is a primal survival strategy. Primal. It says stay close to danger so you can control it. And this is a big one in my past. Predict it. You feel like, okay, at least I know I can predict what's going to happen. Spoiler, you cannot control it, but your brain keeps trying. It wants to, which makes sense. And then there's the low self-worth equals an easier hook. So another reason it's hard to break when someone makes you feel like only they can love you the way they love you. Or maybe you're not worthy of love, right? These abusers often will make you feel like shit, knock you down, crush any confidence you have so they can have control over you and hook you more, right? It can tap into your childhood wounds, unmet needs you had, whether it was childhood are grown and fears, just even based on fears that you can lower your self-worth. They become your source of value. Really, you're dependent on them in those dopamine hits and those love bombs to feel valuable. So when they pull away, you panic because your sense of self, which is not from this point on, that's not going to be our sense of self anymore. We're going to do this work, but because that sense of self is tied to them. So how do you break free? That's all Great. Christie, how do you break free?

(08:13)
Let's flip the script here, Rick. Rick, here's how you start cutting the cord for real. First, label it as trauma bond. Naming it really out loud. Say it out loud. I'm a big advocate of saying shit out loud. Name it. This is trauma bond. It is not love. It is not a soulmate. It is a trauma bond. Say it. This is a trauma bond. Go ahead, queen. And then we're going to rename it from love toon. So that is going to reframe it in your mind and you might have to repeat that. You can repeat as much as you want. Put it on a beautiful old sticky note on your mirror. Number two, here we are my favorite going no contact. I know it's not as easy as it is for some as others, and some situations are hard to do. Do that in obviously co-parenting littles, but as limited as possible.

(09:17)
Okay? So that's blocking on socials. Even if you just check their page or you're not following them necessarily, no, every exposure is another dopamine hit. Okay? Think about it. I want you to suck that up. Why do you check their socials? It's actually a dopamine hit. It's reinforcing your cycle of what the shitty shit and the dopamine hit. We want to get rid of the cycle. Cold Turkey is hard, but it is clean. We love a good clean break and it works faster than the slow trying to pull away from that dopamine ripping off the bandaid. And by the way, if you need help doing this and support, that's what I'm here for. So check out the ways to work with me in my show notes always there and my emails there. If you have any questions about what I think you need, you can always email me too.

(10:14)
Alright. Number three, flood your nervous system with safety. We can't think our way out of this. This is a body thing. This is where the somatic work comes in. And I do somatic work with most of my clients. We need to feel safe in our bodies. That's where all of the somatic energy healing comes. So this, and it's like, oh, somatic. We're not going to get crazy going into somatic healing today. I'm going to give you a few examples of what you can do. Getting a walk in nature, grounding with your bare feet. Yes, go hippie on me. Okay, orienting practice. I think I've talked about this one, but you're looking around, you're naming what you see often. I will tell myself, prompt myself, okay, find four aqua things in the room. Aqua is a little harder than red, right? So I like a little challenge or find four different patterns.

(11:10)
Find what are two smells I can smell? What are three sounds? I can hear the birds chirping, right? The air filter that's blowing the TV two rooms away. It makes you present. Breath work, even cold water. I don't mess with cold water. I don't care. I don't care how much work I need. I'm never doing the cold water plunge. Okay? But you do, you boo boo. So you calm your body, you clear your mind. And yes, those might be momentary, but hey, they all add up. If you want to do deeper work, hit me up. Number four, rewire the belief that you need them. Let's say it for the people in the back, in the way, way back, rewire the belief that you need them. Start affirming. Have you heard of affirmations? Yeah. Love shouldn't hurt.

(12:04)
And maybe save this episode or write these down. You can repeat 'em. Love shouldn't hurt. I don't chase chaos. I choose peace. And this one, okay, I was taught conditioned that this was love. It is not. And I get to learn a new way, the real way, by the way. So you're not just detoxing from them. I'm going to repeat this. I really feel this in my heart that you need to hear it. You're not just detoxing from them. You're detoxing from the belief that love equals pain. Okay? You're so used to that. It was just part of the bargain, part of the deal. No, no ma'am.

(13:04)
So detox from that belief, and you can keep those affirmations so you don't really miss them. I know it feels like that. You miss the illusion, the validation, the love bombing, the dopamine, the feeling special when they would put you in those moments. And the good news is you can give yourself everything you were chasing in them. Do you know that? Work with me, queen. You're going to be a confident as queen. Upgrade. We're upgrading our confidence here. If this episode hit home, go share it. Is there someone else who could use this that that's feeling hooked? Okay, save it. Let's normalize this part of the healing journey, because shame has no seat at our table or our throne, whatever you want to call it. If you want more help unwinding trauma from your nervous system, let's grab your intake call and start our journey.

(14:11)
The intake call, it's about an hour and a half, an hour to an hour and a half, depending how far we go in your story. It's really me getting a background. We usually have time to do a little somatic exercise together, and then that sets you up and sets me up with the information so that we can start our really deep work together, like lasting work. And I say that because Somatic Healing was a life changer for me. I did therapy for years. I love therapy. I love all the shit, but the somatic healing, and I do both. We do a little therapy, but we also, we really focus on feeling better and safe in the body too, right? Because the body remembers everything. That's where it sits. That's where we upset. Stomach, stress, shoulders, all these symptoms that we get can be so related to our nervous system being so jacked up from all the years of dealing with this crap, right?

(15:18)
Yeah. We work on the brain stuff too, the mind stuff. How to deal with the narcs in your life if you're still involved with them at all that. But we do both so that you can have a complete healing and really a healing that not just the foundation, but then afterwards you actually get to thrive, right? You're getting this, I almost picture it like a, what's it? A vault? You've run what? Jump on that vault and then you're limitless. You might feel like that's not even attainable right now. So I won't go too deep into that. I know it can feel far away, but I'm telling you, I've been there. I have gone through a lot of shit in my life and I am an amazing peace bubble in my life. I'm unshakeable. I know my truth. I don't take the bait of any freaking narcissist anymore.

(16:16)
I have way more confidence and self-trust. Even more important than confidence is my self trust. You can get there. If I can get there, you can get there. Okay? So if you're interested in doing this work, one-on-one links are in the show notes or email me. Alright? Felt some passion up in here, but you are not alone. You're not broken. You're finally freeing yourself, right? This was a trauma bond and we're taking the scissors and we're cutting them, by the way. Ooh. I also want you to go in the show notes. There's also an energetic cord cutting episode I have. I think I actually have two of 'em. There's a longer one and a Thrive in five. If you don't know, I do thrive in fives on Thursdays. They're five minutes around. Five minutes. I'm chatty. So maybe 10 somatic healing exercises every single Thursday to get that hands-on ship. Okay? So I'll put those two episodes in the show notes as well. All right, see you in the next step. Love you. Bye.

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Why You Don’t Trust Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse (And 3 Ways to Rebuild It)

If you’ve ever left a narcissistic relationship and thought, “How did I not see that?” or “Why don’t I trust my judgment anymore?” you’re not alone. One of the most damaging effects of narcissistic abuse is the way it erodes your self-trust.

Gaslighting, manipulation, and emotional conditioning slowly train you to question your own reality. Over time, you start doubting your instincts, your memories, and even your smallest decisions.

In this episode, Christy Jade explains why narcissistic abuse breaks your ability to trust yourself and shares three powerful ways to start rebuilding that trust so you can reclaim your peace, confidence, and inner authority.

Calm & Clarity Reset Call

Feeling overwhelmed, stuck in obsessive thoughts, or unsure what to do next in your healing journey?

This focused 60-minute session is designed to help you calm your nervous system, gain clarity on what you're experiencing, and walk away with clear next steps to protect your peace.

Book your Calm & Clarity Reset Call:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/calm-and-clarity-reset-call/

Transformational Coaching (3-Month Deep Dive)

This container is designed for women ready to break free from trauma bonds, rebuild self-trust, and create strong boundaries after narcissistic abuse. Together we work through mindset, somatic healing, emotional regulation, and practical boundary tools.

Apply for the 3-Month Deep Dive:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

6-Month Queens of Peace Coaching Container

For deeper healing and long-term transformation. This container supports women who want sustained guidance while rebuilding their identity, peace, and personal power after abuse.

Learn more:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/

12-Month Queens of Peace Coaching Container

For women who want full support while completely rebuilding their life after narcissistic abuse. This container provides long-term guidance, accountability, and deep healing work.

Learn more:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/

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Empowered Boundaries Course
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Join the Free Facebook Community
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Contact:
00:00):

Good morning, Queens. It is Christie and we are diving right into it. I am sick, almost getting over this thing. So if my voice sounds a little froggy, you hear a lozenge tapping around my teeth, that's why. And maybe why this is a little late today. Usually I post it by 6:00 AM and it is now 9:15. So sorry for the delay, but hey, better late than ever? All right. So if you've ever left a narcissistic relationship and thought, how did I not see that? How did I stay so long? How did I do this to myself? How did I do this to my children? Why didn't I trust my gut? There were maybe some red flags. Why didn't I pay attention to them? And maybe now you find yourself second guessing everything. Your memories, your instincts, even small decisions like what to get at the store, what to eat, what to say in a text message.

(01:00)
If this is happening to you, I want you to hear this. You are not broken. Narcissistic abuse doesn't just hurt your heart. It erodes your ability to trust yourself. So today we're going to talk about why that happens and three ways to start rebuilding your self-trust. All right. So I'm your host, Christie Jade. Welcome if you are new here. Say hello. Follow my podcast so you get every episode. It's Tuesdays and Thursdays. And join the Facebook group. It's private and there's women just like you in there that are going through what you're going through and you can chatty chatsky and I post some quotes, sometimes the links to my podcast, and I'm going to start trying to do some mini videos in there. So definitely join that. That is in the description notes. So if you're here, you're probably someone who has experienced manipulation, gaslighting, emotional abuse, maybe physical abuse, maybe financial abuse from a narcissistic person.

(02:07)
And hold on. I'm going to spit out my laws and you get to hear this lovely. I didn't do video this week because no one needs to see what's happening. All right. So one of the most painful things that happens after a relationship with a narcissist is something people don't really talk about enough. You don't just lose the relationship. You lose trust in yourself. And often we lose a relationship and think, "Oh, I'm going to find this freedom. I'm going to feel so good. This is so hard, but at least I'm going to be free." But that freedom has a little price tag with it. And that is that often we have lost our trust in ourselves and maybe other people, right? But today we're talking about the self-trust that we do lose. And I hear it from clients all the time. I've been through it.

(02:59)
They say things like, "I don't trust my judgment anymore. I feel like I missed all the flags." Or maybe they saw a sliver, but all the good stuff kind of overrode it and they tried to rationalize it. Then they wonder, "What if I fall for this again?" That's a big question, right? And so I want to unpack why this happens and how to begin rebuilding that trust in yourself because here's the truth. Your intuition was not broken. It was buried under manipulation. Okay? So let's start with why this happens. Because once you understand the mechanism, it becomes much easier to stop blaming yourself because I really ... None of us look good in the blame crown. We want that shiny, gold, empowering crown that we deserve. So narcissistic relationships slowly train you to doubt your reality, right? This often happens through something called gaslighting, which many of you have probably heard of if you're in this narcissistic realm now.

(04:08)
Some of you may not, but it's when someone repeatedly denies your experience or they twist reality so you start questioning yourself. You might say something like, "That hurts my feelings." And they say, "You're too sensitive," or, "That never happened," or, "You're remembering it wrong. You're crazy. You're way too much." And when this happens over and over again, something very important starts to happen inside your brain. It's a real thing. Your brain begins to think, "Maybe I am wrong." And eventually you start doing something that feels safer in the moment. You start doubting yourself before they can even doubt you. Your brain learns that trusting yourself leads to conflict. Okay? I want to repeat that again. This is something we don't really know when we're in it. Your brain learns that trusting yourself, which you're supposed to do, but it is conditioned to think, which is your reality in the situation, that it leads to conflict.

(05:19)
And narcissists design that way on purpose. But questioning yourself keeps the peace. It keeps you safe in your situation. So you begin overriding your instincts. You ignore the gut feeling. You explain away the red flags. You tell yourself, "Oh, you're overreacting. You're just sensitive." And over time, this creates a deep wound to your self-trust. So when that relationship ends, you're left thinking, "How did I miss this? " But the truth is you didn't miss it. You were trained to override it. Okay? You didn't miss it. It was there, but you've been conditioned. And that conditioning takes some time to undo, but it can be done. Okay? So the three self-trust wounds survivors experience. We'll talk about those before we get into, let's fix this junk. All right? Most survivors experience three common self-trust wounds after narcissistic abuse. So the first is constant second guessing, right?

(06:30)
You question your memories, you replay conversations. You wonder if you're being too harsh or too forgiving. Even simple decisions can feel overwhelming because you're afraid of making the wrong choice. And the second wound is decision paralysis. I'm sure you're familiar with this one. When your confidence in your judgment has been shaken, your brain starts trying to avoid mistakes. So instead of choosing, you freeze. You ask 10 people for advice. You research endlessly. You overthink constantly because part of you is still afraid that trusting yourself will lead to danger as it did in the past, as we mentioned.

(07:18)
And the third wound is outsourcing your intuition. Instead of really getting calm with yourself, and that's why I'm such a big advocate of prayer and meditation, right? Spending time with yourself and relearning, retrusting yourself. But instead of checking in, you look to others for validation because you don't trust yourself. So what do you think I should do? Am I being unreasonable? Is this normal? And while support is sometimes helpful, healing means eventually coming back to the most important voice, which is your own. And I'm a God person. You don't have to be, but I am going to talk about God here on my podcast because I'm a God person and I relate that your own voice, your intuition to me is the Holy Spirit. So getting connected enough with yourself so that you are open to hearing God's voice.

(08:20)
So what are the three ways to rebuild that self-trust? The good news is this. You don't rebuild it through huge life decisions first. Okay? We do baby sparkle steps, small daily evidence. Okay? So number one, start with tiny decisions, tiny decisions. And I've done this on some of the somatic healing journeys we go through. I've had a couple people where we go through, we literally envision going shopping together and just choosing things you like because some people are so conditioned. They say they can't even go to a store and pick out a piece of artwork or a new coffee table because they second guess themselves so much because they've been conditioned this way. So somatic healing is an amazing way to recover from this. But anyway, so start with simple questions like, "What do I want to eat this morning? Like what do I really want to eat?

(09:22)
What would really make me happy to eat right now? Or what actually sounds fun right now?

(09:30)
Or what would feel good for my body today?" They seem like tiny things, especially to people who haven't gone through this, right? But every time you make a choice based on your own voice, you're sending your brain a powerful message. You're saying, "My preference matters. My voice matters." Self-trust is built through hundreds of small decisions, not one huge one, which is the good news because you can do tiny decisions. You can start with that. So as I mentioned, meditation, prayer goes under the umbrella of number two, reconnecting with your body. So after narcissistic abuse, many people live almost entirely in your head, right? You analyze everything. You think everything through, but your body is actually where a lot of wisdom is held. Your nervous system sends signals like a tight feeling in your chest, a sinking feeling in your stomach, or a sense of calm and expansion, right?

(10:43)
So learning to notice these signals, right? Stopping and getting in touch with your body. Again, prayer and meditation can be very similar. You're in quiet. You're with yourself. You have no distractions. It's just you and the big man upstairs, right?

(11:04)
I like to pray first, kind of like, "Dear God, please let me relax and help me not be distracted right now and shine the light on what you would like me to feel and know in this moment." And if there's specific things, you get into that, either in prayer or meditation and notice what's happening to your body. Sometimes your body knows the truth before your mind is ready to accept it. That can happen, right? That's why this somatic work, grounding exercises or simply pausing to ask, "How does this feel in my body?" Can be powerful. I do that a lot. I go, "Okay, if my brain is like, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. " Which I had actually a big situation like that recently. Guilt was coming up of saying no to something. And I said, "All right, body, it's time.

(12:04)
What is my body saying?" And immediately I knew my throat was tight, my shoulders were up to my damn ears. My body was saying, "No, I can't and I don't want to do this. " You have to listen to your body, all right? The body is very, very powerful. We just need to tap into it. All right? So the third thing, keep small promises to yourself.

(12:35)
Self-trust grows through follow through. Okay? So you make huge commitments or huge, "I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. " You can set yourself up for a letdown and to worsen the self-trust, right? So a smaller promise could be going for a walk you said you take, right? That self-care. So saying, "You know what? This week, Thursday at four o'clock, no matter what, I'm going for a 10 minute walk. We're talking small commitments. Okay? Next week you can make a 20, a 10 minute walk just to be with myself, to clear my head, to feel my body. It could be speaking up about something small or saying no when something doesn't feel right. Maybe that doesn't have to be a big decision this week, but maybe someone asks you to do a favor and say, Oh, hey, can you meet me up at the church to put together the cupcake, whatever, I don't know, before the bake sale.

(13:49)
And you are really spread thin and you're realizing you need some more time for you, which is okay. You don't have to be everywhere for everyone. You could say, "You know what? I don't have time for that, but thank you for asking and I'd love to help in the future." Okay? No committing to anything else right now or you're committing to yourself right now or setting a boundary and sticking to it. This could be even with your kids. Maybe you are someone who has some guilt from staying in a bad situation and you feel bad and so you let your kids get away with the lot of stuff and they've been pushing more boundaries lately. And this week your teen is really upset and they think you're the worst because you don't let them do X, Y, Z. Everyone else does this and that, and you always cave.

(14:52)
This week, maybe you don't cave. Maybe you say, "I love you. I need to do what I think is right for you. " And you can't go to that party when you have a test the next day, whatever it is, setting the boundary and sticking to it. You've got to stick to it. So each time you do that, you're telling your nervous system, "I've got you, baby. I've got you. " And over time, those small moments stack up until one day you realize something amazing. You're not asking everyone else what to do anymore. You're checking in with you first.

(15:37)
And it's not going to be overnight, but it can happen. Just practice these little sparkle steps, do some somatic healing with me, right? If you take one thing from this episode, I want it to be this, okay? The narcissist did not destroy your intuition. It is not kaboom, boom, bow, gone. They simply taught you to ignore it. They did. They conditioned you. They did it on purpose and screw them, but that's another episode. Okay? Healing is the process of remembering your inner voice was always there. It was always there and it's still there. I always say, right? It's like I have a book called Solid Gold Mama. It's the same kind of idea. We have this solid gold inside of us, right? That's our intuition. That's our Holy Spirit. That's God's word. It's there. It does not go anywhere. You cannot damage or undo solid gold.

(16:41)
You just can't. It's there. It's beautiful. It gets covered up by dirt. It gets covered up by mud. It might get dinks that pop right back out though. They will pop back out, but you cannot destroy that beautiful solid gold inside of you. And the more you listen to your intuition, the more solid it stays. The more when someone tries to kick it, it can't even get dinked. Okay? Is dink a word? I want to stop saying dink right now. All right? But if rebuilding self-trust is something you're working on, this is the work we do inside my coaching containers, right? Helping women reclaim their peace, protect your power, and rebuild trust in yourself after this abuse. And you can find all the links in the show notes. I do have three programs that are three, six, and 12 months. If you would like to get a taste of this amazing work, there is a one-off call you can do so we can chat, see if it's a good fit, and do maybe a little tapping.

(17:59)
If you don't know what tapping is, it's so fun.

(18:04)
We can work on that, depending on how the call goes. Sometimes it's mostly talking. We'll try to fit something in at the end. If it's not a lot of talking, we can have a longer session. It's whatever you need will happen. And you have to trust that. I know that's hard for us, but trust that that will happen. No session is the same. No one session is the same for all my clients and even within one of my clients. I have clients that have been with me for years and none of their sessions are ever the same. And it is amazing work. So when you sign on, we do long-term. In the beginning, it might be a little more talking and some somatic. Some clients come in and where they are, they talk a little and most of the session can be somatic. Or it might be one session, they're really drained and just want to have a quiet somatic session, or they feel really chatty and they want to talk and get out their stuff and then navigate how to work with their co-parent.

(19:11)
And then the next week we'll calm their nervous system with the beautiful joy ride soul cation. There is so much magic in this work. I just love it. I love it. I love it. Obviously, that's why I do it. So if you're interested in doing one of those calls, whether it's a one-off call or diving right into one of the programs where you do save money, the longer you commit, that's just how these things work, right? All those options are in the show notes. And again, join the Facebook group. There's a boundaries, little freebie pocket guide. If you're not the best at boundaries, there is actually an empowered boundaries course. That's there if you want to check that out. All my stuff's always in the show notes. Okay? And if you have any questions, my email's always there too. FiercemamaC@gmail and you can write me, just say hello.

(20:05)
I answer every single email myself, which won't be forever. I am getting more emails and more clients and all of that, but while it's there, take advantage of it and say hello and I will write you back directly. All right. I hope you guys have a beautiful Tuesday, Wednesday, whenever you listen to this. And don't forget, Thursday is our Thrive in Five, and that will be a beautiful and related to today's episode, Somatic Healing Experience. So I hope you all can join me for that. So definitely, again, follow the podcast. This is an ongoing journey that every episode builds on the last one. So it's like this stacked journey of joy. All right? I love you guys. I'll see you in the next one. Bye.