Still Not Feeling Like You After Narcissistic Abuse? Here’s How It Rewired Your Brain—And What Actually Heals It
Is your brain still stuck in survival mode after narcissistic abuse? 👑 In this episode, I’m breaking down how abuse secretly rewires your brain — and how you can start healing it today. Plus, grab my free affirmation list and check out the links for somatic healing sessions and private recovery coaching if you're ready to go deeper. Healing is possible, Queen — and it starts now. 💖
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello Queens and welcome back to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery with Christy Jade. Today we're diving into something that literally changes everything once you know it. The hidden ways narcissistic abuse rewires your brain and how to heal it because what fun is it if we don't fix it, right? So if you've ever wondered why you sometimes feel stuck, scared, or even addicted to toxic patterns, it's not just in your head, well, it's actually in your head, in your brain wiring, and today I'm breaking it all down in a way that is hopefully empowering, not overwhelming. Let's jump in.
(00:42)
Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up.
(01:40)
So first, quick brain science 1 0 1. Our brains are constantly adapting. It's called neuroplasticity. And when we go through narcissistic abuse, especially over long periods, our brain adapts, but it's in this survival mode way, right? Well ways. So here's what that can often look like. This first one I knew I always had, but I really didn't understand why until I really did my own education and research and really dove into the narcissistic world. But hyper vigilance, this is always scanning for danger. Even subconsciously, you may not even notice you do it because if you kind of had this going on since childhood, then that's something that may have mostly been there because you've always been doing it. So you really don't know any different. But subconsciously you are always scanning for something to go wrong even when you're safe now. And even if this isn't just in emotional relationship wise, it can go into other parts of your life.
(02:59)
You can even be in a parking lot and be really looking around and anxious thinking that something's going to happen because of a totally unrelated situation. But you have that hypervigilance that just bleeds into all areas of your life, which is what did happen to me. So I'm very familiar with that one, and you may be too. Another one is people pleasing and fawning. So this is a very common one with a lot of my clients. I myself was not a people pleaser in general, but with certain, I would say in my family, I people pleased in a lot of situations due to this. So your brain has learned to be agreeable to keep you safer, right? Because if you are in a narcissistic, abusive situation, you get manipulated, you get gaslit, you get tricked, you get mind ed, whatever you want to call it.
(04:01)
So your brain wants to protect itself and it knows if you are not agreeable, you can get hurt, and that could be emotionally, physically, in whatever ways. So your brain's trying to keep you safe. Then there's the self-doubt and the gaslighting loops. And this one is what drives us batty, right? It has driven us. If you've been through narcissistic abuse specifically or you're wondering if you are, this is a good sign, right? With narcissists, there is no doubt you have been gaslit. So you start to question your own instincts and memories while you're in the situation. And even if you are out of the situation for years, that can still definitely be there if you have not healed it and done the work, right? So you question your own thoughts, your own feelings. Did that even happen that way? Because that's kind of how your brain was trained.
(05:03)
And the last one we're going to talk about today is the addiction to validation. And I just know everyone basically listening right here can really relate to this. You chase these crumbs of approval because your brain was trained to seek safety through what those external love bombs. So you're chasing these little crumbs because it feels a lot better when you finally get those love bombs. It's like this weird addiction to saying, oh, okay, I am safe in this moment. In between the unsafe moments, we become addicted to the love bombs, to the feeling special, to all the manipulation. So none of this is your fault. I want to throw that out there. So can you just take a moment and breathe? Take a nice breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. This is not your fault, none of this. Your brain was trying to protect you because something was happening bad to you.
(06:22)
You did not do this. This is not your fault. But the beautiful part is if it rewired once, right? This has been wired, all of this, it can rewire again. So a lot of people think, oh, the damage is done, this is done. No, we can rewire this in your favor. So now to the good start, the good start, the good stuff, how to start healing and rewire your brain. So the good news is the neuroplasticity is not just how the damage happened. Like I said, it's how you heal too. So what has been done can be undone. So I'm excited about that part. Yay, we love that. And I am proof. I have had a lot of rewiring done. It is amazing. And I remember in the beginning kind of being skeptical and I think it even works faster the more you agree to believe from the get go.
(07:26)
So maybe you can move faster than I did, but I still move pretty quickly with my rewiring. So we're going to talk about four powerful ways to start healing and retraining that beautiful queen brain of yours. Alright? Number one is, if you don't know if you are new here, I am a somatic healing facilitator. So this is one of my favorite things in the world, somatic work. This is getting out of your head and into your body. I want any time, first, I'm just going to throw this before I go into it, throw this in there. If you could take anything from this podcast episode, when you are feeling stressed out, anxiety, questioning yourself, looking over your shoulder, waiting for that shoe to drop any of these outcomes of being abused, I want you to think to yourself, get out of your head and into your body.
(08:24)
Get out of your head and into your body. This is crucial, and I'm just saying that as a little tip, but the big work is deeper work, right? It's ongoing work. It's really creating and carving out the time to do this work, this somatic work. So this can be breath work, this can be grounding, this can be meditation, visualizations. I teach in yoga. That's a great way too. Shaking it out. Screaming into a pillow is literally somatic work that can be done. And all of this getting out of your head and into your body sends an I am safe message to your nervous system, okay? It is sending your nervous system a message. It is getting closer to safety. It might take some time. The first time you do breath work, you're not going to be magically healed. That's just not how it works. Rewiring can take some time, but it does not have to take as much time as you probably think.
(09:32)
So I actually offer personalized somatic healing sessions if you want deeper support. They are magical. I have plenty of very happy clients and testimonials if you want, but I will link my somatic sessions. I call 'em sparkle sessions in the description box so you can check that out and see if that's an option for you. Alright, going into the next one, affirmations and new dialogue. It's a similar thing as far as the repetition part of it, right? The brain listens to repetition. That's why daily affirmations, and I did these in the beginning. I still do daily affirmations, but I did a long list of them and I did them very frequently in the beginning. And you don't have to overwhelm yourself, but I definitely recommend when you wake up and right before you go to sleep. And what I did in the beginning was recorded myself on my voice memos on my phone.
(10:35)
I recorded, it was about, I think then I think it was 20 minutes. It was a long one, and you don't have to do that. If that overwhelms, you start with a 10 minute one and you can build up if you want, if you want. But mine was, I really dove in and I did a 20 minute affirmation. I have a list of affirmations actually that I can also link. It's free that you can start using or you can create your own. I'll put that in the description box. But daily affirmations are one of the most powerful healing tools. You've probably heard about them because it's cliche, but I always say, well, cliches are cliche for a reason because they work. So I really, really highly recommend daily affirmations. Like I said, in the morning when you wake up and right before bed is when your brain is most open to receiving and rewiring.
(11:33)
So it's a beautiful time. Also, if you do hypnotherapy, which I am going to try for the first time, I'm doing hypnotherapy and a couple of weeks and I am so excited, I will report back. I will do an episode about it. Actually, maybe I can interview her on here. Oh, that would be fun. So squirrel. I have a squirrel brain, you guys, okay, keep up with me. So affirmations, new dialogue, and really doing those when your brain is most open, but you can do 'em. I set timers even for myself at lunchtime and then like an afternoon one, and I do prayer and affirmations. Boom, boom. Shakalaka. Let's go to number three. My favorite word in the world, what is it? Boundaries. Boundaries as healing tools. Ironically, I did not set it up this way. I also have a boundaries course for you guys.
(12:30)
It's like every one of these lines up with what I have as far as offers. That's cool. I did not plan it. It sounds like I did. But every boundary you hold reinforces to your brain. It's saying, I am safe. I am protecting myself. Now here's the news, fresh, no one's going to protect us. We protect ourselves, but you have to protect yourself. That's the key there, right? That's something that, I know it sounds silly and I'm kind of laughing at myself saying it because it sounds silly, but that is a truth and it's an unfortunate truth. But really, people aren't going to protect us like we protect ourselves.
(13:17)
And especially if you have a history of abuse, you may not trust anyone too at this point anyway, right? It's great to trust people, but you might not be there and that's okay. So your best way to protect your peace, that gold bubble, we like to talk about that golden peace bubble pictured around you. I love her. Okay? That's your boundary bubble, and that's how you keep yourself safe. And in turn, you keep your family safe, your kids safe. It is a domino effect. So every boundary, every time you set a new boundary, that golden bubble is getting stronger and stronger and more indestructible. God, I love boundaries. All right, number four, self validation, practice validation. We all need that. I mean, coming out of narcissistic abuse, that is a word I hear over and over. I want to feel validated. It's like you have been so invalidated going through what you've been through and even after, sometimes even when you're out of a situation, you still question yourself.
(14:30)
So it's like, God, it feels so good to be validated, and it's great to get that external validation from someone like me, a coach, a narcissistic abuse coach cheering you on, validating you. That's great. A therapist is great. That really good BF of yours, that was like I told you to get out of that relationship and I'm going to validate the shit out of you. She's great too. But guess what? You have to validate your own feelings and experiences without waiting for others to agree. You got to get to that point and build your brain strength and resilience. And again, this might not be overnight, okay? Do not feel bad. Give yourself grace. Give yourself time. But you look in that mirror and you say you know the truth. You know what happened, your feelings are valid, your memory is correct. You could do affirmations with self validation, but that self validation, that is something when you get there, it's huge.
(15:39)
It's a huge healing. So healing is not about doing everything perfectly, but it is about consistent tiny wins that stack up. I always say sparkle by sparkle, right? People say brick by brick, I prefer sparkles. And those rewired patterns, they become your new normal. And it's amazing. I can't tell you the difference in my life. I mean, even five years ago, you guys, I wish I could draw a visual of it because it is insane how it's affected my entire life where I didn't realize, I didn't realize how much it affected even my work, how it affected just how I view myself, friendships, motherhood. I mean, this stuff affects every part of us. So the more you heal, it's like this beautiful unlayering of a lotus flower petals. Yeah, I'm getting woo woo here, just layer after layer. It's like, oh my gosh, look at, and it happens quickly because like I said, you're healing one thing.
(17:05)
It has that domino effect of healing where it's going into other parts and you're just like, oh my gosh, wow, this is, I start making more money. That's a true thing. I started making more money. I started just magnetizing a much more quality level of friends. I mean, it's a whole other episode I could do, but just when you shift and you get healthier, your life gets healthier all the way around. So I know it's kind of a side tangent because I'm a squirrel squirrel, but it will become your new normal and it will be a beautiful new normal. Okay, so what time is it? How long? 17 minutes. Let's do a little visualization, a real quick one. Okay. So if you're in a spot where you can close your eyes, close your eyes. If you are driving, just soak this in. Do not close your eyes.
(18:02)
And do not get distracted by me. You could even turn me down or turn me off, or pause me because I don't want to distract you from driving. If you're in a place where you can be in the quiet, snuggle up with a little blinky, take some breaths, let's do a little visualization. Okay? So imagine a warm golden bubble surrounding your entire body, just this glowing golden light and a sphere around your whole body encompassing everything from your top of your head to your feet. Or if you're sitting down just wrapping around your spine, your legs, all the way under you, feel it seeping into every cell, breathing in, rewiring you with peace.
(19:06)
Imagine that peace traveling all around you, that calm, neutralizing, and just calming everything down. Then imagine the power. Maybe you feel you've lost power. It's time for that power to come back, that power seeping through all of your cells and now a protection, a strength, traveling around that bubble through every cell of your body. You've got peace, power, protection. You are safe in this bubble. You are strong in this bubble, you are free. Breathe that truth in. You are safe, you are strong, you are free, and know you are healing. Even now, right in this moment, right in this one minute exercise, you are healing. Isn't that amazing?
(20:27)
Okay, so that's it for today's episode. If this spoke to your heart, do not forget to follow the show. It's so important. Follow me, follow me. And if you could leave a quick review on Apple, it helps this message reach even more incredible women who deserve this healing too. So please take 30 seconds to go click the little five star. If you scroll down on my main page of my podcast, you scroll all the way down. I dunno if it's all the way down, but if you scroll down, you'll see five stars. Just click that fifth star because I deserve five stars. I mean, we just did a fun little thing. Come on. Come on. I'm Christie. I'm just kidding. And if you're ready to go deeper, I do offer private one-on-one narcissistic abuse recovery coaching. I have gotten questions recently. Is it actually me and not a team of coaches?
(21:17)
Yes. I like to keep this intimate as long as I can. So I'm going to, and so yes, I work, I do some group coaching. So we can customize your healing journey together in that one-on-one coaching. And you can find all the info linked in the description box below. Remember, there's that also Empowered Boundaries course. There's affirmations. They're all the goods. So make sure to check out that. And there's a Facebook page, a private free Facebook group that you can join as well. So go check the description box out. And remember, healing is not just possible. It's inevitable when you keep showing up, right? It's that consistency. So keep showing up to my podcast. Keep showing up for yourself, sign up for somatic session, whatever it is, and until next time, protect your peace girl. Okay? Get in that bubble. You look so good in gold.
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