NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship

• The Truth Many Therapists Don’t Tell You: How to Protect Your Kids From a Narcissistic Parent (Without Fueling More Drama)

  The Truth Therapists Don’t Tell You: How to Protect Your Kids From a Narcissistic Parent (Without Fueling More Drama) Episode Summary You’ve been told to “keep the peace for the kids.” But what if that advice — the one therapists and co-parenting experts keep repeating — is actually teaching your child to ignore their own intuition? In this episode, Christy Jade breaks down the truth most professionals avoid: you cannot co-parent with a narcissist. You’ll learn how to stop over-accommodating, document every interaction, and teach your child emotional safety without turning them into your confidant. It’s time to protect both your peace and your child’s nervous system while modeling real, grounded strength. If you’ve ever felt stuck trying to “stay civil” while your ex keeps creating chaos, this episode will help you see what real peace looks like — and how to hold it. What You’ll Learn Why traditional co-parenting advice doesn’t work with narcissists How old conditioning keeps you accommodating — and how to stop The importance of documenting every interaction and using third-party apps How to model calm authority and emotional safety for your kids Your Next Step in Healing Empowered Boundaries Course — 10 video modules, meditation bundle, and lifetime access https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries Work 1:1 with Christy — Coaching and Somatic Healing Choose your transformation level: Gold (1-Month Coaching Package): https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly Platinum (3-Month Deep-Dive Coaching Journey): https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly Free Resource: Boundaries Pocket Guide https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 Join the Free Facebook Community https://facebook.com/groups/christyjade   TRANSCRIPT: Speaker 1 (00:00): Queens. I am so excited for this episode. This actually was created because a client of mine and I were talking about this topic and she said, you need to make this an episode. So when y'all speak, I listen. Alright, so you've been told to keep the peace for the kids, right? I'm sure many of you have heard that, but what if that very advice, the ones, many therapists and co-parenting experts keep repeating, is actually quietly teaching your child to ignore their own intuition. So today I'm going to break down the real truth about how to protect your kids from a narc co-parent without losing your sanity or ending up back in court. So let's talk about the advice. Most professionals are too afraid to give you. (00:54) Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom, and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice and how to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. (01:52) All right, it's Christie Jade. Today's episode might ruffle a few feathers. We're talking about something I see every single week with my clients, the pressure to keep things smooth with a narcissistic co-parent, even when it's slowly destroying your peace and your child's sense of safety. So yes, obviously we don't want to trigger narcissists into pop-off mode, okay? That's not my point here. But here's the hard truth. Most parenting advice out there does not apply when the other parent is a narcissist. You cannot co-parent with someone who loves chaos, control and manipulation. You can parallel parent, and even then you need to do it with strong ass boundaries and rock solid documentation, which I've talked about on this podcast, right? But today we're going to cut through the guilt, the conditioning, and the miss, okay? You're going to walk away knowing what it looks like to protect your child and yourself legally, emotionally, and energetically without ending up back in court. (03:02) But no guarantees. I'm not a lawyer, okay? I am just your favorite little truth telling queen with a mic. But we're going to do our best here together. Okay? So first of all, the lie you've been sold, you've been told that kids need both parents equally. You've been told to be flexible. Take the high road, keep communication fully open. But when one parent is toxic or narcissistic in our cases, the advice is actually dangerous because flexibility becomes a weapon. So keeping the peace becomes another way of saying keep walking on eggshells, and you'll see what I'm saying here. But yes, we want to keep the peace in the way of, we want our peace to be protected, but keeping the peace in the general way that many experts will tell you how to do will not work in our situation. Okay? So the truth is, you were conditioned to accommodate the narcissist. (04:08) They conditioned you to accommodate them, right? Even after court orders are in place, you may still feel that conditioning. You may still have it even after the chaos nearly broke you. You were trained to minimize their reactions, but that conditioning doesn't just affect you. Your kids feel it and then suffer from it. So your kids are learning from your energy. Kids are intuitive, right? They feel what's happening in the room before they can fully grasp it, even the younger ones. So when you tense up every time a message comes through from your ex, when you overexplain or give in just to keep the peace, they learn that love or relationship means shrinking yourself to stay safe. They don't know the complexities of your relationship with this person. So they're watching you shrink to stay safe, but you were given that mama energy, that protective mama bear energy for a reason. You were chosen to break this pattern, right? Your kids do not need a perfect parent. They need a calm, grounded one who teaches them what real safety feels like because they're not going to get that from little narky narc. Okay? So that starts with one powerful shift. Are you ready? Write it down. Write on your forehead. Stop accommodating dysfunction in the name of peace. (05:53) Okay? Stop accommodating dysfunction in the name of peace. True peace is not built on fear. That's performative peace. Okay? We want true peace for you and your child. So you've got to cut these cords that are still attached to your ex. Okay? I'm going to say this with a little love and a little holy fire. You need to hear it straight. And you know I'm a straight shooter. The narcissist conditioned you to accommodate, right? They trained you to make yourself small, to over explain, to be nice, to keep them calm, maybe even when it was costing you your sanity. And here's the truth, you might've left the relationship, but the programming, it's still running the show. You broke free physically, you're out of the home with them, but emotionally, you're still doing the dance. So let me ask you, why are you still accommodating them? (07:00) Why are you bending, explaining, overthinking every reply like you owe them something you don't. You owe you something. You owe your child something. You owe them the version of you that doesn't flinch at chaos anymore. You've done the hardest part, you got out. Now it's time to cut the final chords. So stop letting their energy dictate your piece. Stop modeling compliance as cooperation, okay? When you keep accommodating the narcissist, all of their little, even if you have the legal papers and they add this and that into it and make you go a little above or you feel a little bad, oh, it's their father, it's this. You're teaching your child the same survival pattern you are trying to unlearn. (07:53) Okay? So here's the mic drop moment here for you, okay? Do not condition your child to do what you did. You got out for a reason. Do not condition your child to do what you did. They deserve to see what calm power looks like. They deserve to see you walk in your authority, not your fear. You're a queen, right? Put on your authority crown. All right? I got to calm down after that one. Woo. It's getting hot in here. So what does that non accommodation actually look like? You're like, that's great, Christie, how do I do that? Well, I'm going to tell you, alright, so without giving the narcissist ammo to drag you back in court, right? And again, I'm not a lawyer, but there's things we can do and documenting everything is very important. So we'll get there. So non accommodation does not mean being rude or reactive, right? (08:55) I'm not saying yell at them, curse at them, call them names. It means being firm consistent. I'm going to say that for the people in the back. I know a lot of you lost consistency because of how you're conditioned. Consistent. That means if you set a boundary, you stick to it, you heard and detached, which I know that can be hard, but if you want the peace you say you're begging for and the peace for your child, then you need to listen. Okay? You stick to the agreements, you stop explaining. You let their discomfort be their problem. So let's do a few examples what that actually looks like. Let's say there's a video call. You have a court order. It says you have one regular call per week, right? You just have a call per week. It doesn't save it's audio, video it just as a call. (09:48) He's demanding video calls because the child owes him FaceTime. Here's your reply. Per our agreement, calls are scheduled once a week by phone. So if it's not listed as video, you're safe. If it is, you might have to accommodate that because it's through the legal system, but often they will add little things. That's my point here. They will add nuances to have control. That's it though. No emotion, no apology, no justification. There needs to be no explanation of well, blah, blah, blah, blah. Per our agreement, calls are scheduled once a week by phone. That's it. Then the guilt trip, extra time request. I know many who have had this, he suddenly demands extra time for a family birthday that isn't scheduled. If you want to let them do that, go ahead. But if you're dealing with a narc, you probably don't and you want to take your power back, then you respond. That's not part of our current schedule. We'll follow the plan. He threatens court. Okay, well, you're documenting everything now. You're on a third party app, you stay calm, you follow the order. (11:04) So what about when your child doesn't want to talk or go? And this is tough because legally they have to, right? They're required if they have the required visits or talks, and this is when your heart probably aches the most, but it's also your biggest teaching moment. When you get those pangs, I want you to start viewing them as, oh, I need to do the right thing. This is a big teaching moment for my child, okay? Validate your child first and foremost. It's okay. It's understandable that you feel uncomfortable. That is the first thing you say to them. It's understandable and that you feel uncomfortable. And then you teach them grounding, even for little ones. Deep breaths. When you feel like this and you take your breaths, I could do a whole other episode probably on this, how to teach children, grounding young children, hand on chest, deep breath, name what they're feeling. (12:11) I'm feeling it could be even my brain feels chaotic. Well, they might not say chaotic, but dizzy or I feel sad, or I have my chest feels tight, right? Don't force them to override their own body to appease a toxic adult. Don't say, oh, it's fine, it's fine, right? That's the old generation. I love ya mama. But that was what I got, right? Oh, it's fine. Everything's fine. It's not fine. It's okay. And understandable. They feel this way because they're dealing with a narcissist. You don't have to tell them they're a narcissist. We'll get to that. But you teach them, and that's something you may have lost along the way. And then condition to throw out the window to the benefit of the narcissist. And the narcissist will never model for them. They won't teach them that this is your job, okay? You teach them and being okay with having feelings. So here's the part. (13:23) Not everybody, not every therapist, not every coach will tell you about documenting and detaching. A lot of lawyers, I guess will, but not everyone thinks of all of it. So here's where we move from emotional to strategic, because when you're dealing with an arc, documentation, is your armor okay? It's very important. I know it's a pain in the butt. Too bad. Mama's getting real here. You don't just keep your boundaries, you have to keep the receipts with them. Every single interaction, right? That's why I'm saying third party app, family wizard or talking parents document any texts, they send any email, you don't respond to those. You only respond via the third party app. If you can. Hopefully that's in your decrees. If not, maybe you can add it to that. It is very important to use third party apps if possible. Okay? But either way, document all the texts, emails, quick questions, pick up issue, screenshot it then, right? (14:22) If you don't have it on the third party yet, date it, save it. Have a little folder on your phone, okay? And the third party apps, timestamp everything and make it impossible for them to twist your words. Here's one that may be difficult for you guys. Some of you do not text or call casually. This is where the danger truly happens. This is where they bait you and gaslight you. Okay? We do everything in writing so it can be seen, documented, no casual calls, no talking about anything but your child and your child's needs. Or it will be used against you if you're dealing with a narcissist, it will be used against you. It's a matter of time if it hasn't already, okay? Keep it short and factual per the agreement. Child X will call at 7:00 PM or pickup is at 4:00 PM as stated, or I'll refer to the court order. (15:27) No emotional language, no, I feel no, please, just clarity every word, every extra word. Actually we want to stick to the facts. Anything over that, any extra wording is an opening for them to manipulate. I want you to think about that. Get that in your head. Imagine all the facts there, right? Pick up at four. If you say pick up at four because X, y, z, and this happened and all of that, they take, they store, they use against you. Don't give them anything extra that's so important. You guys and your child is watching you model in a calm power. Even if they don't know the details exactly what's going on. When you work this way and function this way, you are calmer and they will feel that you're teaching them that boundaries don't have to mean conflict, they mean safety. Your child and you both need safety. (16:31) Alright? So then protecting your child's beautiful nervous system. Look, they have a parent that's a narcissist. They're going to have to learn this. And this is a part I think people don't want to talk about. We feel guilty. We say, oh, how did I put them in this situation? Okay, let's move off the guilt train guys. Let's get in the now we're here. It happened, you got out. Great job. Your child is the child of a narcissist. So your job is to help protect their nervous system. One of the best things you can do, and this is the piece, not all therapists, not everyone talks about right? When your child interacts with a narcissistic parent, their nervous system will go into fight, flight, freeze or fawn. And you can't control what happens at their house, at your ex's house. But you can teach regulation for your child, what they can do with how their body feels, paying attention to how their body feels. You're setting them up with tools that will be lifelong help, whether it's with their narc parent or someone else in their future. So show them how to take deep breaths when they feel scared. Name what feels off. Let them name it. Teach them you can love someone and still have limits. And then reassure them. They don't have to fix anyone's feelings. Not even a parent truth bomb, not even yours. (18:18) This is a good segue for what I also want to talk about because first of all, you're not best friends. I get it. We want to be close with our kids. That's great. It's not their job to take on our damn feelings and all the details of what your ex has done. That is toxic shit. And I'm not here for it. And you shouldn't either. You shouldn't be here for it. Talk to a friend, go have a martini and talk about it. But you do not talk trash about the other parent to your child or share adult details of what's happening. (18:54) They're not your friend. They're a child who needs guidance, not your gossip. I know it's hard. I get it. I do get it. I get it. We want to tell the whole world about the awful narcs. I get it. But saying your dad's a narcissist doesn't protect them, especially when they're young. It can confuse them and burden them. But instead, and I get it, you want to set them up, but that's to the next point. Instead, teach them to notice behaviors and trust their inner compass. So if dad does start guilt tripping or love bombing, right? But they'll tell you about it. This is where you say, how did that make you feel? What do you think you need right now? Help them become a little therapist. I love therapy and I want anything I've said about some therapists don't know. That's my experience, that not all therapists want to talk about certain things. And I think they work for establishments that have certain rules and so they have certain things they may or may not get into, but I'm free to get into whatever the hell I want. So here I am. But anyway, yes, you're creating little therapists asking the open-ended questions. How did that make you feel? What did you think you need right now? And you can teach them to ask themselves this in those moments. So when you're not there, this is very important. You can't always be there. (20:32) You're not going to be at the narcs house. You're not going to be with them when they're out with their friends, when they're 18 years old, when they're off to college. So teaching them to ask themselves these questions as well. Guide them toward emotional awareness, not judgment. How am I feeling? What do I need? Maybe I need to take a few breaths and then maybe I need to just walk outside for a few minutes. And maybe they want to have opportunities to do every single thing they want to do when they're in the narcs control because the narcs controlling, they might not let them walk outside, but maybe they can go sit and journal, keep it, have a locked journal. (21:18) They can take the deep breaths. That's how you help them build discernment without shame. We do not want to shame them for their feelings. It's discerning. So you're not teaching them to disrespect their parent or ignore their parent. It's discerning. And then being able to self-manage and cope with having a narcissistic parent. And that lesson will protect them for life. I do feel like I need to go more into this. I need an episode. Let me know in my Facebook group if you'd like that episode or you can email me. So let's wrap it up here. This is a long 21 minutes. Woo. We're doing it. So you were not called to raise a peacekeeper. Exactly, yes, we want peace, but not in a people pleasing way. (22:19) You want to raise a truth teller and a truth teller, it doesn't have to be a mean disrespectful calling out truth teller, but it's someone who knows their truth. The truth is self-aware and also can self-soothe, can help their own nervous system. And the way you model these things is by being one yourself. Yay. Look at all that work full circle. So when you stop accommodating toxicity and you're showing them that, so when they are older, they see that my 11-year-old daughter, she's a narc professional. I mean, she knows the work I do. So she knows it's narcissistic and she's older and understands more, not about specific people, but just how to deal with certain behaviors. That's the most important thing. She recognizing what manipulation is, she recognizes what gaslighting is. She recognizes when it's even just a toxic, not a two-way street. She dumped a friend because they would never compromise just with playing games at recess. It was always what they wanted, what they wanted. And she said, you know what? I don't want to be friends with someone who doesn't compromise. She literally said that to them and that was the end. And now she has a very, very sweet, best friend that it's all give and take. Very thoughtful. So not exactly narc related, but showing you what you do. They see, they see and they hear and they feel everything. They were sponges, right? (24:06) So when you accommodate this toxicity, or stop, I guess I'll say, when you stop accommodating it, you're not starting a war, but you're ending the cycle. Your kids will thank you because not because you kept everyone happy, because you can't do that, not with a narc, but because you showed them what healthy actually feels like. You're not going to have complete peace all the time, but you can have peace inside of yourself and you can teach your child to learn to have peace inside of themself. And you don't make peace by bending over backwards when you've already got rules in place, right? Let's uncondition that. How do you do that? I don't know. Have you ever heard of Christie Jade? She does some coaching, she does some somatic healing. (25:09) I will choke in my spit. That's what I'll do. Excuse me. I got so excited about working with you now. I'll always put in my show notes the ways to work with me. I have such amazing clients and right now we are doing really powerful work. I've got some clients who are heavier on the coaching and a little somatic, and then I've got some who are heavier on the somatic, depending where you are in your journey. And the somatic is that's healing from the body. And that is the deeper internal work that is really that long lasting healing because it's your body remembers and you are retraining all of what we're talking about here, uncondition, what's been done. And it is mind blowing until you really do it. You don't totally get it. But please come sign up for a session with me. I have very limited spaces. (26:04) I will say that I actually still, I have to write back to someone who wrote, there was no spots in the next coming weeks. But, so I will open up a couple spots because I know it's holiday time and the narcs come out wild, so I know you all need it. So I'll open up a couple extra spots and I have monthly and a three month transformation coaching and somatic healing, which is, that is for the people who are here to just rise up out of where you are and completely your life. So I'll put all of that information there in the show notes. And I also have a, which is really relevant for this, if you just want to check out something simple, I have My Empowered Boundaries course. So you want to talk about boundaries that goes deep into how to have the energy around that, what to say and do, how to have the conversations. (27:10) It is really epic. So you can purchase My Empowered Boundaries course too. I'll put that in the show notes. Alright, and then like I said, join my free Facebook community. It's private full of women just like you. And come in there, say hi. Tell me if you want that all about Kids Grounding Podcast episode. And there's also a Boundaries Pocket Guide that's free, that'll be in the notes. And I will see you on Thursday. We will do a little Somatic Healing on Thursday's episodes. Don't forget to follow my podcast wherever you are listening and I'll see you on Thursday. Love you, bye.

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• A 5-Minute Reset for When You Start Blaming Yourself for Their Cheating

  A 5-Minute Reset for When You Start Blaming Yourself for Their Cheating If your brain keeps going back to “What did I do wrong?” after being cheated on by a narcissist — this mini reset is your lifeline. Today’s Thrive in 5 will help you stop making THEIR betrayal mean something about YOUR worth… and gently bring your power and truth back into your own body again. Your Next Step in Healing ✨ Ready to take your recovery deeper — with personalized support? My 3-Month Platinum Coaching Package is where we walk together through the exact steps to rebuild your identity, restore your self-trust, and protect your peace with rock-solid boundaries — so you never tolerate this level of chaos again. 🔥 This is for the woman who is DONE repeating old patterns. 💻 Apply here → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ More Coaching Options GOLD PACKAGE Coaching + Somatic Healing Session: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint   FREE Ways to Connect Grab your Boundaries Pocket Guide → https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 Join my Private Facebook Community → https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade EMAIL: [email protected] TRANSCRIPT: Speaker 1 (00:03): Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five. Your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath queen. This one's for you. If your brain keeps going back to what did I do wrong or what's wrong with me, this is your five minute reset today, especially after Tuesday's episode, all about why narcissists cheat, right? And not having any guilt. We're going to get rid of that. So the part of you that is still taking responsibility for their betrayal, can we say that again? There's part of you that is taking responsibility for their betrayal is the part we're going to release right now. Alright, so step one, we need to interrupt that mental chaos going on. So say this out loud or in your head, repeat after me. Their cheating was a reflection of their emptiness, not my worth. (01:20) Right? We are not allowing your brand to keep making their behavior means something about you anymore. We're done. Okay, step two, we're going to ground that nervous system. So let's take a minute here. If you're in a place, you can, if not save this episode or this part for later and place one hand on your chest and one on your belly and you're going to breathe in for four seconds in 1, 2, 3, 4. Hold for two seconds. One, two, and exhale. 4, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Yes. Get it all out. Okay. And as you continue your regular breaths, tell your body, I am safe from their chaos. Now I am safe from their chaos. Now the body needs to receive that message from you, not from them. We want it from them. We want to get validation and answers all the things. No ma'am. We're not going to seek it from them anymore. Alright, now step three, the identity statement. So you are not someone who got cheated on. That's not going to be your identity. You are someone who survived a professional manipulator and more. But we'll keep it just in the basics here, right? That's a very different identity, isn't it? So with that, you can have a mantra of I was never lacking. They were, we're not going to take ownership for their lacking. I was never lacking. They were. (03:23) All right. Step four, the forward focus. When your brain tries to replay the cheating or compare you to someone else, I want you to pause and say, I don't recycle pain to understand it. There's no more recycling that needs to go on here. There is no new meaning hiding in your old wounds. So we stop going backward to decode people who were not operating in real love the way we think of love and we think about connection is not the way a narcissist does. Okay? So trying to decode why or how, I mean I gave you some reasons why on Tuesday's episode, but playing it all back recycling, it is not how Queen's going to spend their life. No. We can learn it and heal from it. So the power is not an analyzing their betrayal. The power is in protecting your heart going forward. (04:48) And that's doing some healing. Yes, but it's also protecting it moving forward. And if that means boundaries, distance, silence, the gray rock method. I'll try to remember to put that episode. If you don't know what the gray rock method is, girl, you're in for a fun one. I have one or two episodes, I forget if it's one or two, I do have at least one episode on the Gray Rock Method, okay? But that's exactly where your peace lives. Next in the protection mode, in the it is time to take care of me mode. This is your queen era. Did you not get the memo queen? Better get used to be called queen. Okay? Hold your power. You've earned it, you have earned it, and you are deserving of peace and of power and you can will get it. You can just show up doing right now, just watching these podcasts or listening to these podcasts, if you want to do some really transformational mind blowing shit, you are there and you are like, I want to change my life and I'm ready. (06:17) I have an insane program. It's customized to you. It is three months that is literally priceless. And guess who you get to talk to once a week? Yours truly. Okay. I mean in that a bonus, no, I'm just kidding. So my Queens of Peace program, which guys, I have literally one spot left and this is individual work, but to maintain my schedule and I've had people that could not sign up. My schedule is so tight right now, people couldn't when I sent the link and if they didn't sign up right away when we did it, their spot did get filled. So they have to be pushed to next week. I don't like that. So I'm going to have to see what I can do to add a little space in. But so that's why I only have one spot right now. (07:18) If you are a queen, even if you don't feel like a queen right now, if you are queening, you are wanting to be queening. No. If you have been in a toxic relationship and you are coming out of it, out of it, I do require that you do not live with the narcissist. If this is your partner, your marriage partner, I do not work with people who are currently in that situation. You must be separated out of the house. Most my clients are divorced. If it's someone in your family that's a different situation and we can talk about that. (07:59) Your mother-in-law or someone you're dealing with, that's a whole different story. But most of my clients do seem to be co-parenting and the not just navigating a narcissist and how to deal with them, but healing what trauma you have gone through and the damage that has been done. We do coaching and we do somatic healing. And both of those things together, you will have insane transformation in three months. And that sounds like a lot. I'm going to tell you it goes by quick. But there are epic results. So if you're really ready and you're going to show up every week and you're going to sign up and make sure you get a spot, it's once a week. It's one hour. We do everything from coaching to somatic healing, which is healing from the body. If you don't know today, I had some amazing magical journeys. I call 'em soul locations because really we get to go on these beautiful kind of mind journeys like deep meditations, but they're so specific to you and every single time we do these clients have mind blowing results. I mean these journeys are epic. And that's why I love, I keep saying epic, I sound like such a nerd, but I, that's the only word I can use for myself, for my clients. (09:35) That's why I got certified. I did it myself and was like, this shit's epic. It was. You come out of it and you get clarity on your own. You have more self-trust, more self-confidence. It's just so beautiful. So if you are ready, if you are that woman that has been like, yeah, maybe I should do this or this is brand new, you just popped up in here, but you're ready to actually have lasting change to understand narcissists, be able to navigate them and have that inner calm, right? Like fuck the frazzle, can that be a t-shirt? I make? Fuck the frazzle. We don't need to be frazzled the rest of our lives. Okay? You deserve more here. A queen of peace. It's why it's called Queens of Peace program. Okay? So check the show notes on the ways to work with me one-on-one for this program that there will be a link. (10:38) It is the three month journey with me and you get Voxer in between. So once a day you can leave a message on my Voxer and I'll get back to you within 24 hours. It's Monday through Friday and I mean if there's an emergency you can try on the weekend and if I can, I'll get back to you. I do try to check even on the weekends so it's more support. So a lot of people earlier on in their journey do that. And then there's people that have maybe even been divorced for years, but there's just so much. They're going through a lot mentally, physically, and need a little extra support in between calls. So that's an extra fun thing in the three month journey as opposed to the monthly option. Both will be listed there. Check 'em out. You can read all about the three month one in that link. And then you can email me with any questions. My email's already always in the show notes too. And come join the free Facebook. It's a private Facebook page. (11:51) Yeah, so I know that was a lot of little babble at the end, but I'm telling you guys this work, it excites me every time I get off the phone with a client, I'm like, I'm so glad that I heard the calling from God that he needed me to do this podcast and what it's led to. It's amazing. And I want to share what I have learned, all the tools I have and take people on these awesome journeys to back to yourself. Is that what you're looking for? That's how to sum it up. I know we have these, there's peace, there's this, but it's getting back to you and yourself and at the core, your home inside yourself, which is the most comfortable, peaceful, joyful, amazing place to be. That's where God wants you to be. That's where you belong. So we need to get you back there. (12:55) So if you want to get back there and you will show up for yourself once a week. And I'm not crazy strict, obviously if you're sick or something, we have to skip a week, okay? We extend it. But I do want people who are committed to this, I am committed to you. This is my life's work. I'm real serious about it, okay? This is my purpose. My purpose is to help every single woman I can, the most I can. So you deserve to find that self. She's in there and she's beautiful and glittery and she's wearing an amazing gold crown. Let's go find her. If you're ready to find her, go click that link. Sign up. I do have one spot left and soon I will have zero. So get on it. If you are really wanting to make a transformation for yourself that lasts and get to hang out with me again. So fun. Alright, love you guys. See you the next, I keep saying see you. I don't see you. Maybe in my mind I feel like I don't know what to say. Seeing the next video, it's not a video. I used to do YouTube videos all the time, so I always say that. But thanks for listening. I'll see you in the next episode in my mind. Okay, love you, deuces.

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• Why Narcissists Cheat And the 3 Lies They Tell You (So You Keep Blaming Yourself)

  Why Narcissists Cheat And the 3 Lies They Tell You (So You Keep Blaming Yourself) Today, I’m breaking down the REAL reasons narcissists cheat, how they use infidelity as a weapon, and the 3 most common lies they tell you to keep you confused, self-blaming, and emotionally destabilized. This episode will help you stop internalizing their betrayal — and start turning your power inward. Your Next Step in Healing ✨ Ready to set boundaries that actually stick — without the guilt spiral? My Empowered Boundaries Course will walk you step-by-step through how to protect your peace, voice, and energy (without losing your heart). 🎓 10 video modules + meditation bundle + lifetime access 💻 Enroll here → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries Book a 1:1 Coaching Session GOLD PACKAGE Coaching + Somatic Healing Session: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint SILVER PACKAGE: SAVE when you purchase a month of sessions: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/ PLATINUM PACKAGE: SAVE and BONUSES when you go on a DEEP transformational 3-month journey: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ FREE Ways to Connect! Grab your Boundaries Pocket Guide → https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 Join my Private Facebook Community → https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade   TRANSCRIPT: Speaker 1 (00:00): You think the pain was that other person, but the real pain was how it made you question your worth. And I want that to end today. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back while you're in the right place. Queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and drive ice and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you, so steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there and let's cue your royal glow up. (01:12) Alright, queen, deep breath in through the nose, out through the mouth. I love a good halo breath. Before we dive into something a little crazy, it's a hot topic. A lot of questions come in about cheating the lying, why they do it, all sorts of questions. So today we're just going to basically address why they cheat and the three lies they tell you, which there is always manipulation and calculation going into what they do. So we'll cover that as well. So I want to start by saying this clearly directly, very queen styley, right? With the most unshakeable conviction, if a narcissist cheated on you, it had absolutely nothing to do with you not being enough or you being who you are. Okay? Their cheating is not a mirror of your worth. It's actually a mirror of their emptiness. We know narcissists are a big black hole and this is a mirror of that evidence of that. (02:29) So today we're going to break this down in a way that makes you stop blaming or questioning yourself once and for all. We don't have time for that, right? We got queen lives to live. So first of all, let's start with the real reasons that narcissists cheat, right? People cheat that aren't narcissists. That's very true, but we're talking about narcissists today, so we're going to talk about their reasons so they don't cheat because they're unhappy in the relationship and that can be a thing that other people do, but narcissists actually cheat because they are so addicted to supply. You've probably heard me say this a million times, but this is very, very important in this topic. They are addicted to supply, so really envision what that's like, right? You're not like that so you don't get it. But try to imagine a person that is addicted to basically feeding their ego and it's again this big black hole, so it's never truly filled. (03:37) You can't fill it so nobody can news, spoiler alert. So cheating gives them that ego fuel, novelty power, and they love power and even a sense of superiority and those things are what they are chasing. They're not chasing what we chase or desire the connection into intimacy. That came out weird for some reason. Intimacy partnership, they're not seeking those things. They're essentially seeking supply. So another reason, and a lot of women don't talk about this enough, is they cheat to punish you. Say that again. They cheat to punish you, especially when you start getting stronger, and I guarantee if you look back at when you maybe thought maybe they were cheating or there was evidence of cheating, or they give you a timeline, sometimes they'll tell you they have cheated to show that power to hurt you. So they may tell you when it started, whatever it is, if you actually take a close look, you can tell you were maybe getting stronger or they're shifting in their life some way, but a lot of times it's really you are getting stronger. (05:13) So this can look like when you start questioning their behavior, they don't like that when you start setting boundaries. That is what I would say. Number one, you start setting any boundary with a narcissist. Absolutely. Then they feel out of control. They got to gain their control. Again, when you're setting a boundary, you're showing that you're not just there to feed their ego, you're looking out for you for once or you're really just hit rock bottom with it. So you're making your boundaries like, okay, I really freaking mean it this time. So when you stop bending over backwards for them, when you start calling things out, in my experience, that is another top contender start calling things out and saying, you know what? I'm not okay with this. I'm not going to put up with this. So that is an injury. It's called narcissistic injury actually. (06:14) But that is an injury to their ego. And so what do they do? They do many things right? They will come harder at you, they will have more anger. They will manipulate gaslight, do all those things, but another lovely thing they do is cheating on you. It can become their revenge, their retaliation, a slap in the face that says, oh, you think you can't be controlled if you're acting almost like you're indifferent being with them anymore. So burned out by them, and this happened with so many of my clients, that's why I'm doing this episode. I have had a couple clients recently that told me stories about they had reached a point where they were indifferent and just in there trying to figure out maybe a plan to get out. It's tough. Probably 98% of my clients are co-parenting with narcissists. So you have children with these people, so you're trying to figure out how you can do this and they think, oh, you can't be controlled. Let me show you how quickly I can replace you. (07:29) Not romantic, not emotional, not deep. It truly is, like I said, a punishment, a weapon. You could even think of it that way, right? It's a weapon so they can gain their control, feed their ego while you're trying to figure out why am I here? Should I leave any of that? This can happen, right? They don't cop feelings about cheating. Like typical people, and this can be very confusing. A normal person has empathy. A normal person might cheat and maybe have those feelings for someone else, and then they get the guilt. They might feel sick about it, a narcissist. They don't have feelings like we have feelings, so they don't even really have feelings for this other person. It's just who is the closest and easiest target to become my new source? And this is where it gets kind of dark as if it's not dark enough. (08:34) They can literally watch you crying, devastated, shattered, and feel nothing. We know they don't have empathy. They may mask. Masking is kind of like pretending wearing a mask. They can mask and say certain things or try to make a sad face and pretend, but depending on the situation, they may not even do that. But your pain, it is sick and it actually is validation to them. It proves their power. It actually proves to themselves like, oh see, good. They want that reaction. They want you crying. They want you destroyed because they punished you for that very reason. And it's devastating if you don't know this stuff. I know some of you know it to a degree, but sitting here and if it really hits you and you're like, I do believe this, it is hard to digest. So give yourself some grace. Give yourself some chocolate. First and foremost, you deserve a hunk, a chunk of chocolate right now. This is really tough stuff to digest, to think this person that you were or are in love with, shared life with, have kids with whatever to sit there and think they're this calculated, this dark, this unfeeling. (10:11) And it tore me up when I realized all that a narcissist was and oh my goodness, it's devastating. So give yourself space after this, if this is hitting you kind of for the first time at the depths of what it really means. This is not easy to digest, and I'm here too. You can always email me if you need someone to talk about. If you don't have somebody to talk about this stuff with, if you don't have emotional support, please reach out to me. Okay? My email is always in the show notes. It's tough. So we want you to know I'm also, I have a Facebook page. Go in there. There's other women just like you in there. So that link is also in the show notes. So they're proven their power. So what about the other woman? And I want to include this for any women listening who had them manipulated into being the other one because this could happen too. (11:10) Okay? I was once the other one, but I had no idea I was the other one. That's a whole fun layer too. So hear this, you were used too. So narcissists recruit women, like they're building this army of validation. They triangulate, they lie, they tell different stories to different people. So keep that in mind. Like I said, I was the other woman and had zero clue. So sometimes keep that in mind when you may see or run into that lovely lady someday they may not even know or the narcissist also. Well, I didn't actually date this guy. I was told there's an example of another guy. Yeah, I've had some winners in the past. Luckily I landed on a good one, but I actually got together, I'll use those words with this guy, and he told me that he had been separated a long time. The divorce was in the making. (12:21) Then I found out, I mean we had just gone out once and then I found out actually through a mutual friend that he was going to counseling with her. So when I addressed that to him and said, go f yourself, you dirty, dirty man. He told me, well, I mean we haven't been sleeping in the same bed. I give a fuck. I was like, and he's like, well, I mean I don't think that it's going to really work out, but she wants me to go, so I'm going to do it just to show that I'm giving it one last shot, which is a very narky thing. I don't know that this guy totally was a complete narcissist, but there were some traits there. (13:12) So there's lies, people to obviously I didn't fall for it and I said, get the fuck out of here. But definitely different stories to different people to keep each woman insecure, competing, confused, right? I heard a quote today that was so good about, let me think if I can think of it. Oh, it was about the confusion. Something like the narcissist keeps you confused to keep you something like that. That's how they keep you anyway. So whether you were the primary partner or side partner, nobody is being loved here, okay? Everyone's being used narcissists, don't know how to love the same way we know how to love. So that's the why. I hope that makes sense, right? Obviously there's different layers and it goes a little deeper, and if you want to know on a different level with your specific case, you can always sign up for one-on-one with me. (14:12) Those links are always in the show notes too. It's very customized work. So we do coaching and somatic healing. If you don't know what somatic healing is, that is healing from the body, that is life altering, insane in a good way, healing from within and we do epic work. You can go click a link to read more about it or always, as always, you can always email me with questions. But let's get through this. So the lies, there's three lies I put here. There's more, but three lies that keep you laming yourself that they tell, right? So let's talk about this mental poison. They feed you, right? I really want you to understand this is not you. This is not on you, okay? This behavior, even when I'm saying, oh, they're doing it for retaliation, that's not because you did something bad. That's because they're not getting fed, but you're not supposed to feed them. (15:11) Love is not feeding somebody like we feed narcissists, okay? That is not love. It's unhealthy, so they want to feed you this poison so you don't leave, right? So lie number one might sound unfamiliar if you were more blank, I wouldn't have cheated. I wouldn't need to cheat, I wouldn't have cheated. It could be more affectionate, more sexual, more supportive, more loving, more forgiving, more chill. Okay? Any of this is a manipulation tactic to make you take responsibility for their lack of integrity, right? There is no reason anyone should cheat, ever. I don't care what you do. There's reasons people can leave you and if something's not aligned and they want to leave, they know where the freaking door is, okay? There is no reason for abuse, name calling, gaslighting, any of that emotional or physical abuse or cheating. No reason, no good reason. Okay? (16:24) So the manipulation tactics, right? It's very manipulative and it keeps you in this self-improvement mode. They know how to keep saying no, if you did this, if you did this, so you're being brainwashed that you need the help and you need to improve yourself, you need to fix you instead of in self protection mode, which is where you're supposed to be putting a big old bubble and getting the F out of there. Okay? I'm trying not to say the F word. I think I said it once. I was trying not to say it this episode, okay, so lie number two, here's one, nothing happened. You're being dramatic. This is for the deniers, the denying manipulator, narcissist, gaslighting, right? Nothing happened. You're nuts, you're dramatic, you're just dreaming all this. Then they can even turn around, oh, are you cheating, right? They minimize, deny, erase the facts, and they're not trying to protect you my love bear. (17:27) No, no, but what are they going to protect? That big old supply line. That's so tasty, okay? They're protecting their supply, they need your supply so they know that they have to deny everything and then another lie, lie three, we were basically done. Okay? This one is so common, you guys. We were basically done. It's not really cheating translation. I'm going to rewrite history so I don't have to take accountability. We know they never do. They will reinvent the timeline, the story, the relationship, and they will really double down on we've been done. I mean you were checked out, blah, blah, blah, and they'll be dismissive about because it's not a big deal if they make it not a big deal. Yeah, I mean we've been done. Listen, we were done. Haven't been in this, I haven't been in this, right? Just so they can avoid saying the truth, which is I betray you, I took our marriage vows. (18:47) Or if you're just in a partnership without marriage, the unsaid promises and spit all over. So what's the truth? What is the truth here? The narcissist does not cheat because they found any better. I want you to just tattoo it on your forehead. They did not cheat because they found better. First of all, look at yourself. You are damn queen. No one can get better than your sexy ass, okay? They cheat. Why? Because they need so much attention, so much supply to function. So if they have beaten you down mentally, physically, spiritually, if they have beaten all that out of you to the point that you are checked out, they are not getting the supply they need. They did it to themselves. I don't want you to feel bad about it for a damn second and get this. They don't even prefer these people. Any of the people they've cheated with, there might be multiple. (20:00) They don't actually prefer any of them. It's not about the people. They prefer the feeling of power, that feeling inside. They need that. That's what they need. You're not competing with this other woman or women. You are merely competing with their ego. You are competing just with their ego and you will never, ever win that battle. Like I said, that is a deep dark hole. It's bottomless. You're never going to win. You don't want to win. You don't want to be any part of this. So if you are in the situation, here is your pass to run, please run full permission run. I know it's easier said than done. And if you need help with an exit plan, well there is the abuse hotline. I can put that in the show notes or email me and I can see if I can find resources in your area specifically. However I can help, I will. But guys, I know a lot of you are listening to this after you're already out of the situation and have been cheated on and still have questions or uncertainty. So I want to leave you all though with this. This is the reality. The cheating was not a reflection of your worth, okay? It's just not. (21:37) It's honestly a reflection of your nervous system being hijacked by someone who values attention more than integrity. You were never lacking. You got the patience, beat the shit out of you again. Even if it was emotionally you were a meal to someone who only knows how to consume. They don't know how to connect. We do guys, they don't. And now that you see the game or you just don't want to put up with it or whatever, you want to start to get your power back and now you're going to, because say, I finally see this and I don't want any part of it. (22:28) Once you get it, it's easier. Even though it's so hard to digest, once you've digested it, which may take a minute, you're going to feel amazing. You're going to say, okay, that's crazy, that's hurtful, but I'm so glad I see that and now I'm ready to get that power back and you don't have to prove you're better. That comes from fear-based, weak shit. Oh, let me look good and better and whatever. I'll be honest, I did that for a hot minute. Those are my younger years, and I actually ended things with the narc and I still wanted him to be like, oh, look what I lost out on which he was. Of course I got all these letters and I mean they're all bullshit, but back then I didn't know they were bullshit. I was like, oh, good, it worked. No, he probably just ended things with whoever, and they go through spells. (23:26) Well, they'll come back to try to get you if they stop dating someone, they need to be fed. But you don't want to have to prove that you're better. You don't want to be the chosen one or like, oh, I'm the one who can fix him. I thought that while we're in it, I was like, oh, I know he is this way, but I can help him and I know through me we can do this and he'll be a better guy. No bullshit. He never did. So look, I can save anyone that time. If you're in it, you're not going to be that person. Move on and don't get your power back by getting them to pick you or come back to you. You don't want that. That's not how you get your power back. They're not your power. They are not your power. You are your power. You don't need a dysfunctional person to validate your value. Think about that. (24:17) That's ass backwards. But you've been conditioned, so I'm not trying to yell at you. I've gone through it too, but sorry, I have a dry throat today. The moment you stop trying to win their approval, you cut off their entire source of control. Can you imagine what that feels like when you've been under the thumb? Even if you've been broken up, you still are tied to them in ways emotionally, you're still replaced up in your head or have questions or can't figure out, oh my gosh, right? It's a mess in that brain after they're done with us. But when you stop trying to win their approval, you release giving them that power and that's your power moment. That's your liberation, right? It's like, ah, I get my control back. I get my freedom now. (25:13) So good. So if you are ready to step back into your power, I have my Empowered Boundaries course, and that's just all around. So this can be for yes, that person you're with, but I'm going to guess if you've been like this with them, there might be other people in your family, parents, siblings, whatever that you might have boundaries issues with. And this course is, it is epic and it is crazy that it is the price it's at. I have lowered the price because I want more and more women to be able to afford this. It used to be $500, I think it's 200 now. I lowered it a lot. It would sell here and there, and I was like, this is the thing I want people to have easy access to if they can't work one-on-one because that's ongoing, right? If you want more really customized stuff and to do the somatic healing, sign up for the one-on-one if you have that budget. (26:15) But if you don't, this Empowered Boundaries course you have for life, you can go back to it. And it is for all walks of life to help you with so many situations. It's 10 video modules and there's a meditation bundle that comes with it to help in that energetic part. And this is going to help support you in rebuilding the strongest version of you. So you're going to step by step, go through how to create, how communicate, and how to hold the boundaries without the guilt and without the second guessing. And even talks about the conversations you have if they come back as far as the conversation, because a lot of narcissists don't end there. So that's a really good way to get some transformation quickly and have that for the rest of your little life. That is something you always have. Some coaches will say, oh, you have this for three months. (27:18) I want you to be able to go back to it if you need to refresh your memory, because like I said, this is not just for the narcissist. This can be for anybody in your life who is not good at respecting boundaries or just you feel like you need to create boundaries and hold to them. It's even good for your kids. So check that out in the show notes. Don't forget to follow this podcast so you don't miss any episodes. And Thursdays are my Thrive in fives, which are always related to Tuesday's show, but they're like a little mini episode of Somatic Healing. Maybe a little pep talk, maybe some breath work, meditation. All the fun. So make sure you're following me and I will see you in the next episode. Love you, bye.

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• The Boundary Reframe Every Empath Needs

  Thrive in 5: The Boundary Reframe Every Empath Needs Episode Summary: If you’ve ever felt guilty for setting boundaries or worried that saying “no” makes you cold, this quick episode is your reminder that boundaries are not walls — they’re filters. In just five minutes, Christy shares a powerful reframe for empaths who give, love, and feel deeply… sometimes at their own expense. You’ll walk away with a grounding practice and a mindset shift to help you protect your peace without losing your warmth. In This Episode: • Why saying “no” isn’t rejection — it’s redirection • How to stop confusing peacekeeping with people-pleasing • A 3-breath somatic practice to anchor self-respect in your body • The truth about what healthy boundaries really mean for empaths 💖 Your Next Step in Healing Book a 1:1 Coaching Session → GOLD PACKAGE: Coaching and Somatic Healing Session  👉 shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint SILVER PACKAGE: SAVE when you purchase a month of sessions 👉 shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly PLATINUM PACKAGE: TRANSFORM and get BONUSES when you go on a deep 3-month journey 👉 shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly 💌 More Ways to Connect Grab your FREE Boundaries Pocket Guide → christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 Join the Free Facebook Community → facebook.com/groups/christyjade TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00): Hello, beautiful souls. Today's Thrive in five is for my tender hearted empaths who have been told they're too nice, too sensitive, or that setting a boundary means you're being called or a biatch, right? Let's reframe that in five minutes flat because it's thriving. Five baby. Welcome to your Thursday. Thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath, queen. This one's for you. All right, so here's the truth. Boundaries aren't walls. They are filters. Can we start picturing that queen screen? Ooh, did you like that? I didn't even plan that y'all. That's some true organic criming. Okay, so boundaries don't block love. That's not the point of them. They do. They block drain, right? They don't want to encourage what happens when you are around people who drain you. So if you've ever said yes to keeping the peace only to feel resentful or exhausted later, that's your little baby spirit whispering to you. (01:26) This isn't peace, this is people pleasing, dressed up as kindness. So when you're an empath, which I am, and we don't want to lose that empathy, we don't want to go the other end, but when you are an empath, your instinct is to nurture, to fix. But the twist is real. True. Nurturing needs to include you too. Yes. Right? You cannot pour. This is one of my favorite quotes, by the way, is you cannot pour from an empty cup, right? So you can't pour love from an empty cup and call it compassion. It's just not going to work. It's not going to work for anybody. So here is your reframe for the week. Every time you say no, imagine it instead as a yes to your peace, your purpose, your healing, whatever it's saying yes to for you. So boundaries are not rejection, they are redirection. (02:34) That sounds like something I could say to a class of fifth graders. Boundaries aren't rejection, they're redirection. Everybody now, but your time, your energy and your heart, it's redirecting that toward what truly matters while protecting yourself and your peace. Okay? So what's a little somatic anchor? We can, you can ground the truth in your body through this little exercise. Yay. It's exercise time. All right. Take one hand to your heart and one to your belly. Now, breathe in through that nose. My favorite halo breath, inhale. As you inhale, my peace matters. Exhale and think it's safe to protect my energy in my peace matters out. It's safe to protect my energy, especially before saying yes to something that doesn't feel aligned. Check in with yourself first and remind yourself with this little tiny exercise one more time, and you can write this down on a little sticky note. (03:48) Put it on your mirror, put on your car. Inhale, my peace matters. Exhale it safe to protect my energy. Okay? You're not being cold, you are being clear. That's okay. You're not being a jerk because you're being firm even, okay? Even if you have to get firm, you're not being a jerk. You're being clear. You're being truthful, you're being honest. That doesn't equal cold, that doesn't equal mean. And if you didn't watch or listen to Tuesday's episode, go check that out. We dive deeply into this stuff and you're getting clear, right? The clearer, the more you practice this, basically, the clearer you're going to get on what you want, what you desire, what you need, and that's not selfish. That's about damn time. Okay? Can we quote that? So if this hit home, go back and listen to Tuesday's full episode. If you didn't, it's called Why Empath Struggle with Boundaries and How to fix it Without Becoming Colder Mean, right? (05:00) For that deeper healing. And of course, I will tell you my schedule is getting very, very, very smaller. Smaller. It's a great thing. It's wonderful that I'm getting to reach more people, but if you want to do the deeper transformation, you need to jump in because my schedule's very, very tight. So you go ahead, find the links in my show notes. I have two offers right now. I have the monthly offer, and that does have two payment options, and then there's the three month I am. This is like you are ready to dive in and see a whole new world. Three months of this face right here, this voice, right? Three months of transformation. We're talking coaching, and we're talking somatic healing. And in between, you get the bonus of Voxer all access to Christie all the time. No, not all the time. I have boundaries too, but once a day, you can leave me a message and I'll get back to you within the 24 hours. (06:08) Usually it is that day. If just something comes up, you need to vent, you need advice, whatever it is that is in between our weekly calls, the monthly is weekly calls, and you do have to stay up on your weekly calls. This isn't like, Hey, we're going to have one session here, and then three months later we're going to have a session. If you want to work with me. I am very serious about layering on, it's like stacking right? You do it week after week. If you miss a week here and there, that's fine, right? I'm not like crazy rigid, but we do want to keep consistent because that is where the deep work happens. And I want transformation, and you want transformation. So if you're going to invest in yourself, show the fog up for yourself, okay? All right. So I love you guys, and I will see you in the next episode.

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• Why Empaths Struggle With Boundaries (And How to Fix It Without Becoming ‘Cold’ or ‘Mean’)

  Why Empaths Struggle With Boundaries (And How to Fix It Without Becoming ‘Cold’ or ‘Mean’) If you’ve ever tried to set a boundary and instantly felt guilty — this episode is your wake-up call. Christy breaks down why empaths struggle to say no, how childhood conditioning wires you to overgive, and the exact mindset shifts that help you protect your peace without losing your warmth. You’ll learn why your nervous system panics when you speak up, how to rewire that fear, and how to find that sweet spot between kindness and self-abandonment. Because boundaries don’t make you cold — they make your love sustainable. 💖 ✨ In This Episode, You’ll Learn: Why empaths confuse love with self-sacrifice The “nice girl” myth that keeps women stuck in burnout How to tell if you’re saying yes out of love or fear The nervous-system reason boundaries feel “wrong” How to set limits without guilt, shame, or freezing up 👑 Your Next Step in Healing ✨ Ready to set boundaries that actually stick — without the guilt spiral? My Empowered Boundaries Course will walk you step-by-step through how to protect your peace, voice, and energy (without losing your heart). 🎓 10 video modules + meditation bundle + lifetime access 💻 Enroll here → shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries Book a 1:1 Coaching Session → GOLD PACKAGE Coaching and Somatic Healing Session :shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint SILVER PACKAGE: SAVE when you purchase a month of sessions: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/ PLATINUM PACKAGE: SAVE and BONUSES when you go on a DEEP transformational 3 month journey! https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ 💌 More Ways to Connect Grab your FREE Boundaries Pocket Guide → Christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 Join the Free Facebook Community → facebook.com/groups/christyjade TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00): Hello Queens. Have you ever tried to set a boundary and immediately felt like you were the villain? Let's talk about why that happens and how to protect your peace without losing that beautiful, gorgeous heart of yours. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom, and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and how to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. (00:58) So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. All right, so you've probably been called maybe too sensitive, too nice or too much at some point. I've been called all of those at one point or another in my life. And as an empath, you've learned to read the room, anticipate people's needs, and we love to fix. So maybe fix all the vibes even when it costs you your own piece, right? So here's the truth though. You don't necessarily have a boundaries problem that might be more of a symptom of a different problem, which not everyone talks about, but I'm here to talk about the things we don't talk about. You have a fear of being misunderstood, problem. (02:04) You have a fear of being misunderstood. So deep down, you may not actually be afraid of saying no. You more are afraid of being seen and perceived as someone who does not care or who is not empathetic because you in fact, do care and you don't want to be seen as something you are not. So you're afraid, not of the boundary itself, but what the reaction to the boundary will be. So this episode is your permission slip to finally say, I can be kind and still protect my peace. So let's get into it. Why empaths struggle? So first of all, you were conditioned to prioritize connection over comfort. And that could be from your childhood. You could have earlier family dynamics where you were rewarded for self-sacrifice. So like, oh, you're such a good girl when you help, right? And yes, we want to instill that in our kids, but it could go to an unhealthy level where it's always based around you pushing outside of yourself to do something for others. (03:30) Or you could also have been punished for any self-assertion or calling things out that didn't seem right. Even if you did it in a nice kind way, or when you saw something wasn't fair and you vocalized it, you could have been punished for that, right? So your nervous system equates someone else's comfort with safety due to that. So setting boundaries can feel dangerous in your body associated with if you do set a boundary, if you do call the thing out or want to have a conversation about something and it didn't go well as a child, or maybe it won your first relationships, romantic or friendship, anything, wherever this came from, it feels like danger. When you go to that place of, oh, maybe I will address this. It's like, oh, no, nevermind. Right? That started somewhere. So your nervous system doesn't know you're setting a boundary. (04:33) It really thinks you're about to lose love, because that at some point is probably what it felt like. And again, that could be any part of life, any person where that did start somewhere. And then we've got the nice girl myth. So society glamorizes being endlessly accommodating, especially for women. Can I get a what? Thank you. So you were taught that nice means agreeable, not authentic. When you think of authentic or unapologetic, it has this kind of negative connotation in our society, except in the women empowerment circles like here, but in general, nice is agreeable, and that does not necessarily go hand in hand. And narcissists love this because they sense who will bend for them before they even ask, right before they even really have to figure it out. So you've been praised for being easygoing or accommodating when you are actually probably just emotionally exhausted. (05:54) Okay? So what is the fix here without becoming the cold one that you don't want to have. By the way, since I've built boundaries, I definitely have been called cold, but I also, I got to a point where I first did boundaries in kind of a softer, more loving way, which you can. And then the more I got confidence and trust in myself and realized how jacked up so many people had treated me and what I accepted and realized like, wait, that's not cool. And turned around. I did get a little more hard and people called me cold. But also, some might call you cold, even if you are coming at a boundary with love because they're not used to it and they don't want it to happen. So especially a narcissist will make it a negative thing that you're standing up or even trying to have a conversation about anything because it's not going their way when you're actually standing up for yourself or even just wanting a normal, rational discussion. So they're going to flip it, gaslight you, call you cold, all that stuff. You're not cold, you warm and hot baby. No, but you are just standing up for yourself. So what is the fix without becoming this cold person? We don't want to be so boundaries. Remember this, and I've said it before, I'll say it again. They're not walls, okay? They're doors with locks. And you get to choose who comes in and when. Okay? So remember that. (07:41) Two, you don't need to swing from one extreme to the other, from super people pleaser to ice queen. There is a middle ground. And as long as your intention is good and about protecting you, it's not trying to control someone else. That's a big difference. You're not trying to control anybody or be mean to anybody. You're trying to control what's happening to you, and you are wanting to have peace in your life, and that is not cold. That is not mean. You're not mean for wanting peace and to protect yourself, okay? I want you to maybe write that down. I am not mean or cold for wanting peace and protection, okay? There's a middle ground there. So you don't have to be a huge, I mean, I've done it a couple times and I'm not even mad at that. It was certain situations I feel like it was, I was pushed, and I'm not saying I did anything crazy, but I might've had an attitude. (08:47) Maybe there was a little curse word. I know. All right, so here's some shifts you can do. There's three we can start with. There's a bunch of different things in the somatic healing. I do totally helps with all of this stuff. So if you want to sign up for sessions with me, always look in the show notes and you can find out how to sign up for sessions. So the three shifts, number one, pause before you answer, and you have to regulate in some way. And I've talked about some of these ways already many times in my podcast, especially the Thrive in Fives on Thursdays, those shorter episodes, and there's a lot of regulation, somatic healing, all of that good stuff, little bits, fast things you can do to regulate before you respond. Two, check your motive. Are you saying yes to something out of love or fear? I'm going to guarantee 98% of the time it's probably out of fear, especially if you're dealing with a narky. (09:53) So if it's out of fear, heck no, queen, you're a queen. You don't do stuff out of fear. No way you can say no. You can say it with love. You can protect yourself without being cold or an a-hole. You can say, I'm trying to think of a quick example here. And by the way, I have scripts that I will put in the show notes too that are awesome for dealing with narcissists. I'm trying to think off the top of my head. Someone comes at you, and let's say you're, I know that's a lot, and someone says, we're switching your ex, or whatever, we're switching weekends and you're really shitty if you won't do it because this is going to hurt me and the kids. And then if you won't switch the weekend because Baba, X, Y, Z, all the reasons, and you say, I'm sorry you feel that, that's going to hurt you, but I'm not able to switch this weekend and they're going to come back. (10:59) They always do. Well, fuck you, and you know what else? And guilt you and whatever. And you're going to say, okay, again, I'm not able to do that this weekend. Have a nice day. You don't even have to be that nice, but if you want to, I know a lot of you want to save your face out there, so you want to stay sparkly, okay? And three, use gentle honesty, right? That's exactly what I'm saying. So I got a little ahead of myself, but if this is someone you do love, if this is, let's say a mother, you have to be a little more gentle if you want to maintain a relationship, a distant relationship maybe, or a very boundaried relationship. I love you, but I need to say no to this right now. Okay, I love you, but I need to say no, or I love you. (11:48) But other example, I can't do X, Y, Z. And you don't have to take the and give a million reasons either. And my husband actually taught me that. I remember one day this was in our old house, and I was sitting there late at night all in my head about, oh gosh, I have to say no to this RSVP. It wasn't like a big boundary, but it proves a point. And he's the nicest, sweetest guy out there. But I'm sitting there and I'm like, well, there's all these reasons. I said, they're going to think I'm making this up at this point. There's three different reasons that I can't go. (12:25) And he said, why do you have to give reasons? And I was like, I don't know. And he was like, can't you just say that you can't make it? And I was like, oh, well, I guess I could say that. But it felt so weird and foreign to me. I was so used to because of narcissists in my life, having to explain myself all the time, you don't have to. Don't take the bait. Say, you know what? I am unable to go have a great time. That's for an RSVP, RSVP. Did I say that right? But the gentle honesty, I'm going to have to say no to this, or I can't switch weekends, whatever it is. So true. Kindness doesn't drain you, right? So it's not kindness, it's condition. We've been conditioned for certain things, so we're unconditioning ourselves and we're going to be true to ourselves while still being fair. (13:33) Nice. You can still be nice if it's someone you want to keep a relationship with, it can still be loving. I love you, but I'm going to have to say no to this. That's it. And the more you do it, the easier it becomes. Like anything, right? It's kind of like a muscle. You're not used to it and it feels bad to you because of how you've been conditioned. But believe me, it gets much easier. I've definitely walked the boundary line where I started kind of terrified of setting boundaries, especially with specific people. And now I am a boundary queen, and you can be one too. Yay. So if this episode hit home, there's also My Empowered Boundaries course. This is an epic, epic course. It's 10 prerecorded videos that you want. If you have trouble setting boundaries this, and you can go click on it and read about the details of it, it's a lot for me to spit out right now that I'm telling you, it is a life changer game changer. (14:39) If you can't commit or have the time, the investment to work one-on-one with me, and you're looking for boundary help, this is an amazing, amazing course. And yes, I'm biased, but I'm also awesome. I'm just kidding. And if you want to do one-on-one, that's where, yes, we do boundaries, but we do so much more. The one-on-one work, the somatic healing, the healing from the body, truly like deep ingrained healing, lasting healing, it's something that you just can't quite understand until you do it. So if you want to sign up for sessions, again, everything is always in the show notes. And also make sure you're following me on the podcast so you don't miss my episodes. Thursdays, I have Thrive in Five. They're shorter like mini episodes, and they're always related to the previous Tuesday episode. So yeah, they kind of go hand in hand every week and they're fun. Yay. So make sure you're following so you don't miss any episodes. So what is it? What are we talking about here? Boundaries. They're not cold. They're how you actually keep your warmth from being wasted on the wrong people. So set those boundaries with the people that need them. And what's, oh, I love that quote. Can I think of it? One of my favorite quotes? Oh, man. It's like the only, or the people shoot something about the people who have a problem with your boundaries are the ones that need them the most or something. I don't think that's it, but you get the gist. Okay? So protect your peace queen. The world needs your heart, right? I will catch you in the next episode. Smooches.  

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