What Fresh Hell: Parenting, Relationships, and Making Life Better, with Two Funny Moms

Overfunctioning is usually defined as taking on excess responsibility for other people’s feelings, issues, and tasks. And it's usually presumed to be tied to anxiety. IF someone's overfunctioning, it's either a symptom of or cause of the panic assumed to be lying just underneath.

But are we "overfunctioning" when we're doing our absolutely regular amount of way-too-much as a parent? Does anxiety have to have anything to do with it?

In this episode, we're talking about

the stress that comes with being the backstop

how to sense overfunctioning in ourselves as a potential barometer of anxiety

the MoSCoW method (Must Have, Should Have, Could Have, Won't Have) as a business-world framework that can help all of us discern what absolutely has to happen in a given "timebox"... and what might be able to wait

Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:

Kate Manne on Substack: In Defense of Mom Anxiety

Anne-Laure Le Cunff for Ness Labs: Overfunctioning: The Drive to Do it All, or When Helping Others Is Hurting You

Yunus Emre Yalçıner for Medium: The Moscow Method: A Comprehensive Guide to Prioritization in Project Management

And in response to this week's mailbag, here are a few of our past episodes specifically relevant to single / solo parenting:

Our episode Solo Parenting Seasons and How To Get Through Them

Our Fresh Take with Jamilah Lemieux

Our Fresh Take with Norah Lally

Our Fresh Take with Susan Sutton

Chris Fleming: COMPANY IS COMING!!!

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
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This "Deep Dive" series revisits a few of our past episodes on back-to-school challenges such as the morning rush, school projects which require lots of parental oversight, and how to help our kids navigate intensifying academic pressure.

Two recent national studies underlined that there's a surprising group of children at risk for worse mental health outcomes: kids who go to high-achieving schools. How do we protect our kids from the pressures all around them to succeed at any cost? ⁠Jennifer Wallace⁠, author of the book ⁠Never Enough⁠, shows us how to teach our kids that they matter intrinsically.

Jennifer Wallace is an award-winning journalist and a frequent contributor to the Wall Street Journal and the Washington Post. She lives in New York City with her husband and their three teenagers.

Amy, Margaret, and Jennifer discuss:

Why achievement pressure is at an all-time high

How parents contribute to, but are not solely responsible for, this pressure

How to teach our kids that they matter independently of their achievements

Here's where you can find Jennifer:

⁠jenniferbwallace.com⁠

@jenniferbwallace on IG

@jennifer.b.wallace on FB

Buy Jennifer's book: ⁠https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593191866⁠

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/

Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 40% off your first year!
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if the proven decline in the mental health of today's adolescents isn't just about phones and screen time? What if academic pressure and "achievement culture" is the real driver of the increase in anxiety and depression today's teens are experiencing?

Dr. Stuart Slavin, pediatrician and author of THE SUCCESS TRAP, explains just how widespread academic pressure and "achievement culture" in the United States has become— not just in fancy schools on the coasts, and not just in high school, either.

Amy and Dr. Slavin discuss:

the average teen's default state of sleep deprivation, caused by hours of homework per night (work that may not even do much to change outcomes)

the top stressors today's teens report—and why "peer pressure" doesn't even make the top ten

how smartphones feed maladaptive perfectionism and achievement culture

how schools that reduce demands on kids are also seeing improved test scores and academic performance

how parents can create "low-pressure zones" at home

how to advocate for healthier expectations at your kids' schools—and why you shouldn't fight that battle on your own

Here's where you can find Dr. Slavin:

https://drstuartslavin.com

Buy THE SUCCESS TRAP: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593839386

@drstuartslavin on IG

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When is it useful for our kids to hear about our own life experiences—including situations caused by our own bad decision-making?

When does it become oversharing, or get too personal or inappropriate?

We discuss how to know how much to tell our kids, and how to have useful difficult conversations, including:

our own past choices around drinking, drugs, and sexual activity

the family secrets that may be part of our history

traumatic and difficult experiences: how do you get across what's important without giving a child information too heavy for them to hold?

divorce and family conflict: how not to recruit kids into taking sides of adult disagreements

serious illness of a parent, grandparent, or another loved one

Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:

Our Fresh Take with Dr. Mary Martin

Lori Michas for Grown and Flown: How Much of Your Past Should You Share With Your Teen?

iMom Blog: How Much of Your Past Should You Share With Your Kids?

Lynne Meredith Golodner for MetroParent: Should Parents Tell Kids About Their Past?

Claire McCarthy for Harvard Medical School Blog: How to talk to children about the serious illness of a loved one

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This "Deep Dive" series revisits a few of our past episodes on back-to-school challenges such as the morning rush, school projects which require lots of parental oversight, and how to help our kids navigate intensifying academic pressure.

Linda Flanagan is a journalist, researcher, and a former cross-country and track coach. She's also a founding board member of the Positive Coaching Alliance and an Advisory Group member for the Aspen Institute’s Reimagining Sports initiative. Flanagan's book is ⁠TAKE BACK THE GAME: How Money and Mania Are Ruining Kids' Sports--and Why It Matters⁠. Linda tells Amy and Margaret what forces conspired to make the youth sports landscape the way it is today.

In this episode, Linda, Amy, and Margaret discuss:

How the purpose of kids' sports has changed since we were playing ourselves [7:00]

Why we assume sports build character, and whether that's true [14:30]

How recruitment for college sports affects both kids' and parents' perspectives [22:15]

Here's where you can find Linda:

⁠Buy Linda's book⁠

@lindaflanagan2 on Twitter

⁠Mindshift Podcast on NPR⁠

Read Linda's article in The Atlantic: ⁠"The Downsides of Having an Athlete in the Family"⁠

Our previous episode on kids' sports: "⁠Youth Sports: If You Must⁠"

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices