Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

Your partner has rehearsed this conversation 10 times. You’re walking in at one. No wonder it goes sideways.
Dani Burford doesn’t have ADHD, but her husband, Sean, does, along with OCD tendencies. Dani, who works in marketing at Understood.org, joins Cate for a casual, practical conversation about the systems that help them stay on the same team.
She explains how they use things like the “care meter,” a 1-to-10 rating that ends three-hour debates about paint colors, the mess monster, and who takes the blame for last night’s dishes. And why asking “What script did you write for me?” can calm a worst-case spiral.
Dani and Cate explain the importance of talking about how you talk, the benefits of putting time limits on hard talks, and why alone time doesn’t mean “I don’t want to be with you.” They also discuss what to do when your way of getting things done doesn’t work for your partner’s brain — and why it’s rarely about you.
For more on this topic
Watch: The ADHD safety net hiding inside a kink power dynamic | Sorry, I Missed This
Watch: When ADHD turns chores into conflict | Sorry, I Missed This
Listen: Parentification: The hidden pattern in ADHD relationships
For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Missed This on Understood.org. You can also email us at podcast@understood.org.



Getting your child the support they need at school shouldn’t feel like a fight. But for millions of families, it does. In Zero Reject, an investigative podcast from Understood.org, award-winning journalist Anya Kamenetz looks at how changing federal policies are reshaping special education — and what’s at stake for families trying to access the support their children are legally entitled to. Start listening now.
Understood is a nonprofit where millions of people who are navigating neurodivergence find clear guidance, practical tools, and people who get it. To help us continue this work, donate at u.org/give

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Research shows that girls with ADHD are significantly more likely to experience intimate partner violence.
Dr. Emily Rothman, who recently published a study on dating violence in neurodivergent youth, joins Cate to talk about what the research actually shows.
They discuss why ADHD symptoms might make it harder to recognize abuse. They also cover how to tell ordinary relationship conflict from patterns of coercive control.
Cate and Emily talk openly about why leaving is rarely a single decision, and how to support a friend or family member who’s trying to get out. They also get into the uncomfortable fact that there are higher rates of ADHD among abuse perpetrators.
This episode discusses domestic violence, coercive control, and sexual abuse. If you or someone you know needs support:
National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7): 1-800-799-7233
RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673
Love Is Respect (dating abuse), call or text: 1-866-331-9474
For more on this topic
Watch: ADHD, toxic partners, and “losing your sparkle” (Reddit Reactions)
Watch: ADHD gaslighting and chasing new relationship energy (Reddit Reactions) | Sorry, I Missed This
Watch: ADHD impulsivity and saying yes to sex too fast| Sorry, I Missed This
For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Missed This on Understood.org. You can also email us at podcast@understood.org.

Getting your child the support they need at school shouldn’t feel like a fight. But for millions of families, it does. In Zero Reject, an investigative podcast from Understood.org, award-winning journalist Anya Kamenetz looks at how changing federal policies are reshaping special education — and what’s at stake for families trying to access the support their children are legally entitled to. Start listening now.
Understood is a nonprofit where millions of people who are navigating neurodivergence find clear guidance, practical tools, and people who get it. To help us continue this work, donate at u.org/give

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Kink isn’t required to get something real out of a power dynamic. And for ADHD brains, it might be more than you’d expect
Sex and relationship coach Amanda Dames — The Kink Consultant — joins the show to talk about power dynamics and what dominance and submission can actually offer neurodivergent relationships once the stigma gets stripped away. Amanda and Cate start with the basics: what a power dynamic is, why it’s a negotiated role-play and not a real transfer of power, and how submission can function as agency rather than its opposite.
From there, the conversation moves into what this looks like day to day — including a partner who quietly set household rules that ended up calming years of ADHD-driven chaos. And then into harder territory: the difference between structure that helps and control that doesn’t, how to tell the two apart, and what aftercare (a kink community staple) can offer any couple, kinky or not, after a hard moment.
For more on this topic
Watch: Kink, BDSM, and ADHD | Sorry, I Missed This
Watch: Why neurodivergent women can’t stop reading smut and romantasy | Sorry, I Missed This
Watch: Why good sex can make your ADHD brain spiral | Sorry, I Missed This
For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Missed This on Understood.org. You can also email us at podcast@understood.org.



Getting your child the support they need at school shouldn’t feel like a fight. But for millions of families, it does. In Zero Reject, an investigative podcast from Understood.org, award-winning journalist Anya Kamenetz looks at how changing federal policies are reshaping special education — and what’s at stake for families trying to access the support their children are legally entitled to. Start listening now.
Understood is a nonprofit where millions of people who are navigating neurodivergence find clear guidance, practical tools, and people who get it. To help us continue this work, donate at u.org/give

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode, a complex conversation about ADHD, femininity, gender, and why talking about the hard stuff is important.
Cate sits down with Rae Jacobson, host of Understood.org’s Hyperfocus podcast, journalist, and a producer on this show. They talk about something they’ve both struggled to name: the collision between ADHD, femininity, and gender expression. They dig into what it felt like to watch other girls “get it.” The tidiness. The calm. The effortlessness. All things that executive dysfunction made feel out of reach.
They talk about the pressure to be nurturing, organized, and endlessly available — and what happens when your brain doesn’t cooperate with any of it. And they look at the research on outcomes for women and girls with ADHD.
For more on this topic
Watch: The “devastating” findings of a decades-long ADHD study
Watch: Head, heart, hormones: Why women’s ADHD care should treat the whole person

For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Missed This on Understood.org. You can also email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org.



Getting your child the support they need at school shouldn’t feel like a fight. But for millions of families, it does. In Zero Reject, an investigative podcast from Understood.org, award-winning journalist Anya Kamenetz looks at how changing federal policies are reshaping special education — and what’s at stake for families trying to access the support their children are legally entitled to. Start listening now.
Understood is a nonprofit where millions of people who are navigating neurodivergence find clear guidance, practical tools, and people who get it. To help us continue this work, donate at u.org/give

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

We recorded our first-ever live show in front of a studio audience! Emmy Award–winning writer, director, and producer Adam Reid, co-creator of “Tiny Chef,” joined Cate to talk about ADHD creativity: what works, what doesn’t, when to dig in, when to let things go, and why finishing things isn't always the point.

Adam talked candidly about being diagnosed with ADHD at 45, after years of building an Emmy-winning creative career without knowing why his brain worked the way it did. And he and Cate shared how they make it work (or not) as neurodivergent creators. Check it out!

For more on this topic 

Read: ADHD and creativity

Watch: Cate answers your burning ADHD questions

For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Missed This on Understood.org. You can also email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org.

Getting your child the support they need at school shouldn’t feel like a fight. But for millions of families, it does. In Zero Reject, an investigative podcast from Understood.org, award-winning journalist Anya Kamenetz looks at how changing federal policies are reshaping special education — and what’s at stake for families trying to access the support their children are legally entitled to. Start listening now.
Understood is a nonprofit where millions of people who are navigating neurodivergence find clear guidance, practical tools, and people who get it. To help us continue this work, donate at u.org/give

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.