Love in a F*cked Up World

Dean sits down with Holly Whitaker, author of Quit Like a Woman and host of the Co-Regulation podcast to talk about Holly’s critical feminist analysis of how the alcohol industry and the ubiquity of 12-step impact how we perceive drinking and sobriety. We recommend pairing this episode with our previous episode with Shira Hassan, as well as the bonus interview with Shira that you can find for free on Patreon. Shira is the author of Saving Our Own Lives: A Liberatory Practice of Harm Reduction, and her discussions with Dean also dug into addiction, sobriety, and 12-step.Join us on Patreon for additional content, live events, and conversations. You can also pre-order the new edition of Mutual Aid or buy cute things like hats and hoodies to keep the podcast going.More from Holly:Co-regulation: A PodcastQuit Like a Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Society Obsessed with Alcohol

In societies where we throw people away regularly, where carcerality is woven into the emotional fabric of all of our psyches and relationships, it can be VERY hard to give and receive direct feedback. Often we don’t tell people when they hurt us and then we blow up at them or ghost after saving up a pile of hurts. Or we build resentments that are toxic for us and for relationships or groups. And most of us are very defensive when people offer feedback because we’re afraid of being thrown away if we admit mistakes or listen to criticism to find out what might be useful for learning. Morgan Bassichis is back for a conversation with Dean about giving and receiving feedback directly as a way to build and strengthen relationships, and to prevent conflict from escalating to destructive and disorganizing levels.Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes of the show, unique content, and to submit your questions for future AMA episodes.Mentioned in this episode:The new edition of Mutual Aid is coming out March 31, 2026. You can pre-order it here to have proceeds go to support the podcast. You can read an excerpt on fame and parasocial relationships here.

Shira Hassan brings her brilliance and decades of experience in harm reduction, transformative justice, and self-help to this deep-dive conversation. With thoughtful questions for Dean about Love in a F*cked Up World, she opens a nuanced exploration of the relationship between dissociation and numbness, rebellious awareness and radical acceptance, the role of softness in the midst of hard work, and setting boundaries as an abolitionist and harm reductionist.Join us on Patreon for additional content, live events, and conversations. You can also pre-order the new edition of Mutual Aid or buy cute things like hats and hoodies to keep the podcast going.More from Shira:Saving Our Own Lives: A Liberatory Practice of Harm ReductionFumbling Towards Repair: A Workbook for Community Accountability FacilitatorsTransformative Justice Help Desk

Crushes can be fun and enlivening, but sometimes they are ill-timed or ill-suited, and it can be hard to shake them off. Morgan Bassichis is back to discuss one of the most popular tools from Dean's book Love in a F*cked Up World: 7 Steps for De-escalating a Crush. This tool can help you to turn down the intensity of the interest or obsession when you're feeling crushed out.Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes of the show, unique content, and to submit your questions for future AMA episodes.

Jessica Lanyadoo is back with Dean for part two of this AMA, where they tackle more listener questions. They dive into everything from negotiating relationship terms — like how to open a relationship, set boundaries, and talk about safer sex — to conversations about porn, casual sex, gender envy, and parasocial relationships.Listen to Part 1 of this episode on Apple here, Spotify here, or Dean's website here.Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes of the show and to submit your questions for future AMA episodes.Jessica Lanyadoo is host of Ghost of a Podcast, out twice weekly and available everywhere podcasts are heard. Find out more about her work at lovelanyadoo.com and join her on Patreon at patreon.com/jessicalanyadoo