We're All Insane

Louise Barnett spent 15 years living through extreme highs and devastating lows without knowing she had bipolar I disorder. She chased relationships, drugs, alcohol, and anything else that could quiet the noise in her mind.

Louise joins me to talk about her memoir, Tainted Love, and the four relationships that became chapters of her life. We talk addiction, mania, depression, motherhood, attachment, self-sabotage, sobriety, and what it actually feels like to live with bipolar disorder.

Check Out Louise:

→ Website

→ Instagram

→ Facebook

→ LinkedIn

→ TikTok

→ Amazon

Sponsored By:

→ HERS | Ready to reach your goals? Visit https://forhers.com/insane to get personalized, affordable care that gets you.

→ Shopify | Every story has a turning point. If you're ready to build something of your own, start your journey with a free trial at https://shopify.com/insane

→ Wayfair | Find furniture, decor, and essentials that fit your unique style and budget. Head to https://Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home.

On This Episode We Cover:

→ 00:00:00 - Introduction

→ 00:01:38 - What does living with undiagnosed bipolar disorder actually feel like?

→ 00:02:59 - How did growing up Mormon impact her life?

→ 00:05:15 - Why did substances become a way to escape?

→ 00:11:52 - Why can relationships become chapters of our lives?

→ 00:14:49 - What makes us stay in relationships when we're afraid to be alone?

→ 00:16:23 - How did these relationships impact her mental health?

→ 00:21:01 - What happens when the highs suddenly turn into a crash?

→ 00:24:30 - How did pregnancy change her life?

→ 00:26:39 - What does mania feel like?

→ 00:31:24 - What was it like the first time she left Patrick?

→ 00:34:28 - How is gratitude important for healing?

→ 00:36:21 - What was her inpatient treatment experience like?

→ 00:39:40 - What happened after she left inpatient therapy?

→ 00:45:01 - What does motherhood look like while struggling with bipolar disorder?

→ 00:48:36 - What does sobriety change when you're also managing bipolar disorder?

→ 00:51:32 - Can you actually manage bipolar disorder without letting it control your life?

→ 00:55:06 - How do you find self love and challenge feelings of loneliness?

→ 00:59:22 - Why can learning to sit with yourself change everything?

→ 01:06:29 - How do her life coaching sessions work?

Further Listening

→ Molested By My Brother

More We Are All Insane:

→ OFFICIAL MERCH NOW AVAILABLE - code INSANE10 gets you 10% off for a limited time

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For early releases, uncensored videos and plenty of exclusive content please subscribe to the We Are All Insane subscription channel at https://wereallinsane.supportingcast.fm/. It's $5.99

a month and watchable on Apple and Android mobile apps, Roku TV, Apple TV and Amazon Fire.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

At 16 years old, Kate went to a lake house party with someone she trusted, unaware that the night would change her life forever. After drinking a small amount, she blacked out and spent years trying to understand what happened. Eleven years later, Kate received the case file and discovered witness statements and confessions that gave her a clearer picture of that night. She opens up about the lasting impact on her relationships and mental health, her struggles with depression and OCD, and finding healing through finally telling her story.

Check Out Kate:

→ Instagram

→ Tiktok

Sponsored By:

→ Wayfair | Find furniture, decor, and essentials that fit your unique style and budget. Head to https://Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home.

→ HERS | Ready to reach your goals? Visit https://forhers.com/insane to get personalized, affordable care that gets you.

On This Episode We Cover:

→ 00:00:00 - Introduction

→ 00:02:18 - What Was Kate’s Childhood Like?

→ 00:04:56 - What Led to Her Being Sent to a Wilderness Camp?

→ 00:09:12 - What Was the Wilderness Camp Experience Like?

→ 00:15:08 - What Were the Rules and Conditions Like at the Camp?

→ 00:20:34 - What Happened to Kate at 16 Years Old?

→ 00:22:20 - How Did Kate Know Nick?

→ 00:26:24 - How Much Did Alcohol Play a Role in What Happened?

→ 00:27:16 - What Happened on August 11, 2009?

→ 00:28:36 - Why Did Kate Feel Like She Wasn’t the “Perfect Victim”?

→ 00:31:22 - What Happened When They Arrived at the Lake House?

→ 00:35:02 - What Does Kate Remember From the Assault?

→ 00:40:00 - What Happened After She Woke Up?

→ 00:45:00 - When Did Kate Begin Telling People What Happened?

→ 00:50:00 - Why Did She Decide to Report the Assault?

→ 00:53:16 - How Many People Later Confessed About That Night?

→ 01:00:00 - Why Did She Feel Like Other Survivors Had Been Through Something Worse Than Her?

→ 01:08:04 - What Did She Discover When She Finally Got the Case File?

→ 01:21:08 - How Did the Assault Affect Her Relationship With Sex?

→ 01:23:18 - Why Was One of the Witnesses Reluctant to Testify?

→ 01:25:00 - What Did Karen Say Happened That Night?

→ 01:37:16 - Who Else Was Present and What Did They Know?

→ 01:39:12 - What Did Samantha Remember From That Night?

→ 01:42:02 - How Long Did the Assault Continue?

→ 01:46:06 - What Did Garrett Tell the Detective?

→ 01:48:16 - Why Did Nick Refuse to Speak With Police?

→ 01:50:18 - What Did Jared Say About Whether Kate Had Been Drugged?

→ 02:10:02 - What Kind of Therapy Did She Do to Help Heal?

→ 02:19:20 - How Can Survivors Take Back Their Power?

→ 02:21:08 - How Can Talking About Trauma Help With Healing?

→ 02:27:18 - How Has She Worked on Her Mental Health and Emotional Regulation?

→ 02:30:52 - How Did She Get Through One of the Hardest Periods of Her Life?

→ 02:35:36 - How Did Her Breakup Affect Her Mental Health?

→ 02:38:06 - Why Did She Finally Start Talking About Her Intrusive Thoughts in Therapy?

→ 02:40:48 - What Does Moving Forward Look Like for Her?

Further Listening

→ My Boyfriend Trafficked Me To His FriendsMore We Are All Insane:

→ OFFICIAL MERCH NOW AVAILABLE - code INSANE10 gets you 10% off for a limited time

→ Join We’re All Insane Mailing List for EXCLUSIVE Content + Discounts

For ad-free, uncensored videos and plenty of exclusive content please subscribe to the We Are All Insane subscription channel at https://wereallinsane.supportingcast.fm/. It's $5.99
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

For most of his life, Jason did what he thought he was supposed to do. He got married, built a career, and checked all the boxes, while quietly suppressing something he had actually known since he was six years old.

In 2003, at 28 years old, Jason came to terms with the fact that he was gay after developing a relationship with a coworker who was also married. What followed was incredibly complicated. There was an affair, two marriages, a pregnancy, fear of being outed, and eventually one of the hardest conversations of Jason's life, telling his wife the truth.

Check Out Jason:

→ Jason's website: https://www.jasonwaidmiller.com/

→ Jason's Instagram: @jasonwaidmiller

→ Jason's TikTok: @jasonwaidmiller

Sponsored By:

→ Shopify | Every story has a turning point. If you're ready to build something of your own, start your journey with a free trial at https://shopify.com/insane

→ HERS | Ready to reach your goals? Visit https://forhers.com/insane to get personalized, affordable care that gets you.

→ ZocDoc | Taking care of your health just got easier – start here with Zocdoc: https://zocdoc.com/insane #sponsored

On This Episode We Cover:

→ 00:00:00 - Introduction

→ 00:01:49 - What was it like knowing he was gay from such a young age?

→ 00:02:47 - Did he feel attracted to his wife?

→ 00:04:26 - How did he know he was gay from six years old?

→ 00:06:15 - Why did he suppress his sexuality for nearly 30 years?

→ 00:07:32 - How did the affair begin?

→ 00:12:52 - How did he feel after the first time he was with Matt?

→ 00:14:21 - What was the most stressful part of the affair?

→ 00:17:51 - What changed for him after the affair started?

→ 00:21:42 - What happened when he found out his wife was pregnant?

→ 00:25:02 - Did finding out he was going to be a father change things?

→ 00:28:09 - How did they decide it was time to tell their wives?

→ 00:30:26 - What was the difference between attraction and exploration?

→ 00:34:36 - What was it like telling his wife, “I’m gay”?

→ 00:37:27 - How did his ex-wife respond?

→ 00:40:45 - Why did she want to talk to Matt?

→ 00:41:54 - What was Matt’s response?

→ 00:43:36 - How did his ex-wife choose forgiveness and grace?

→ 00:47:46 - What made him decide to share his story publicly?

→ 00:51:48 - What did they do after coming out?

→ 00:56:20 - What is Matt’s relationship like with his ex-wife?

→ 00:58:38 - How did people in his community react?

→ 01:01:12 - When did Matt and Jason get married?

→ 01:03:28 - Why did he start posting on social media?

→ 01:10:54 - How did his wife’s reaction impact the rest of his life?

Further Listening

→ Being Gay in a Homophobic House

More We Are All Insane:

→ OFFICIAL MERCH NOW AVAILABLE - code INSANE10 gets you 10% off for a limited time

→ Join We’re All Insane Mailing List for EXCLUSIVE Content + Discounts

For ad-free, uncensored videos and plenty of exclusive content please subscribe to the We Are All Insane subscription channel at https://wereallinsane.supportingcast.fm/. It's $5.99

a month and watchable on Apple and Android mobile apps, Roku TV, Apple TV and Amazon Fire.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, Ellen opens up about the traumatic story of being attacked by two wolf hybrids when she was just 5 years old. She shares what she remembers from the attack, the devastating injuries that nearly cost her her leg, and the physical and emotional aftermath that followed. She also opens up about living with PTSD, night terrors, and panic attacks, how EMDR and art became part of her healing, and what it has meant to finally share her story 25 years later.

Check Out Ellen:

→ Instagram

→ Website

Sponsored By:

→ Quince | Find the fall pieces you’ll reach for most at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to https://quince.com/insane. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too.

→ MasterClass | MasterClass keeps adding new classes, so there’s never been a better time to get in. Head to https://masterclass.com/insane to get at least 15% off any annual membership.

→ ZocDoc | Taking care of your health just got easier – start here with Zocdoc: https://zocdoc.com/insane #sponsoredOn This Episode We Cover:

→ 00:00:00 - Introduction

→ 00:03:30 - Why are wolf hybrids dangerous around children?

→ 00:05:14 - How did the attack happen?

→ 00:07:58 - How did the wolf attack her leg?

→ 00:08:42 - What does she remember afterward?

→ 00:14:58 - How did her parents react?

→ 00:17:00 - Why did doctors consider amputation?

→ 00:19:30 - How did the attack affect her parents?

→ 00:22:18 - How did she recover from four surgeries?

→ 00:27:36 - What was her hospital stay like?

→ 00:31:58 - How did losing her hamstring affect her?

→ 00:34:08 - How did she overcome her fear of dogs?

→ 00:36:08 - Did the owner face consequences?

→ 00:40:50 - How did the attack cause her passion for art?

→ 00:44:18 - What happened during her first psychedelic experience?

→ 00:50:26 - How did the trauma affect her family?

→ 00:59:12 - Why did she finally share her story?

→ 01:05:06 - Why was her dad worried about her sharing online?

→ 01:09:40 - Why do wolf hybrids end up in sanctuaries?

→ 01:13:50 - How did telling her story help her heal?

Further Listening

→ Dove in a Lake and Broke My Neck

More We Are All Insane:

→ OFFICIAL MERCH NOW AVAILABLE - code INSANE10 gets you 10% off for a limited time

→ Join We’re All Insane Mailing List for EXCLUSIVE Content + Discounts

For ad-free, uncensored videos and plenty of exclusive content please subscribe to the We Are All Insane subscription channel at https://wereallinsane.supportingcast.fm/. It's $5.99

a month and watchable on Apple and Android mobile apps, Roku TV, Apple TV and Amazon Fire.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, a survivor opens up about the deeply disturbing story of being sexually abused by an adult woman he trusted when he was just 11 years old. He shares how the grooming began, how he was manipulated into believing the abuse was love, the shame and confusion he carried for years, and how the trauma continues to affect his relationships, substance use, and healing today.

Sponsored By:

→ HERS | Ready to reach your goals? Visit https://forhers.com/insane

to get personalized, affordable care that gets you.

On This Episode We Cover:

→ 00:00:00 - Introduction

→ 00:04:09 - What Was His Childhood Like?

→ 00:06:22 - What Was Happening at Home?

→ 00:08:32 - How Did He Meet His Abuser?

→ 00:13:22 - Why Did He Trust Her?

→ 00:19:00 - When Did Grooming Turn Into Abuse?

→ 00:24:02 - Why Did She Make Him Keep It a Secret?

→ 00:27:22 - Why Was She Giving Kids Drugs and Alcohol?

→ 00:33:46 - Did the Abuse Affect His Sexuality?

→ 00:36:08 - Why Did She Say He Would “Latch Onto” Her?

→ 00:36:48 - When Did the Sexual Abuse Escalate?

→ 00:41:44 - How Did the Abuse Affect His Family?

→ 00:44:34 - Why Couldn’t He Connect With His Mom?

→ 00:46:04 - Did His Friends Suspect What Was Happening?

→ 00:48:18 - How Did the Abuse Affect School and Friendships?

→ 00:51:34 - How did the abuse continue as he got older?

→ 00:55:06 - Why didn’t anyone intervene?

→ 01:00:00 - What happened when her niece came to visit?

→ 01:07:04 - When did he first try to end the relationship?

→ 01:10:44 - Why did the abuse start again?

→ 01:13:50 - When was the last time he saw his abuser?

→ 01:14:14 - How did he tell his fiancée what happened?

→ 01:16:22 - When did he finally start therapy?

→ 01:19:42 - What happened when he saw his abuser again?

→ 01:26:04 - Why does he want to speak out about his story?

→ 01:31:50 - What does he want other survivors to know?

Further Listening

→ I Dated My PredatorMore We Are All Insane:

→ OFFICIAL MERCH NOW AVAILABLE - code INSANE10 gets you 10% off for a limited time

→ Join We’re All Insane Mailing List for EXCLUSIVE Content + Discounts

For ad-free, uncensored videos and plenty of exclusive content please subscribe to the We Are All Insane subscription channel at https://wereallinsane.supportingcast.fm/. It's $5.99

a month and watchable on Apple and Android mobile apps, Roku TV, Apple TV and Amazon Fire.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices