The Imperfects

Is tough love to blame for our shame?
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We all know that parent or coach on the sideline who takes under 10’s basketball a liiitttllleee too seriously. And occasionally, tough love might seem to work in the moment, long term, the shame train isn’t going anywhere good.
Dr Emily, our resident psychologist, is here to name the shame to tame it, and teach us how we can be shame strippers too (get your head out of the gutter. Shame on you).
We go into the difference between shame, humiliation, guilt and embarrassment, bow down to the queen Brene Brown, and introduce ourselves to our own Healthy Adult.
Shamelessly, this is one of our best episodes to date.
0:00 – Ever heard of a shame stripper?
6:27 – Bow down to Brene Brown
12:25 – The other self-conscious emotions (they’re shy)
20:51 – Humour and humiliation
29:21 – Shame is a full body experience
36:16 – Beware of who you share (with)
40:43 – Manosphere + behaviour change
46:59 – Tough love + kids sport
57:07 – Working with shame
1:06:10 – Bring on the compassion!
1:10:07 – Introducing the Healthy Adult
If you’d like to watch the full episode on YouTube, follow this link -
🫖 Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode
Ryan Shelton - Shame, Jealousy & Purpose - https://bit.ly/4qgEqrO
Dr Emily - Compassion of The Self - https://bit.ly/4hqWa1k
How do you know you’re in a thinking trap? - Maria Ruberto - https://bit.ly/4ze4eJh
🎧 Things to listen to
Between Two Beers with Steven Adams - https://bit.ly/4g3wipS
📚Things to read
Daring Greatly, by Brene Brown - https://bit.ly/45VT2Dx
The Compassionate Mind, by Paul Gilbert - https://bit.ly/3UewPOq
Movember study of the Manosphere - https://bit.ly/4wZxtOs
Proneness to shame vs proneness to guilt research by Tangney et al. - https://bit.ly/4g4lQyl
📖Things to do
The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook, by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer - https://bit.ly/4zg353K
Othership (breath work app) - https://bit.ly/4g7Q03E
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The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Can nature help us to feel less alone?
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Psychologist on the incredible, Alone Australia series (remember our seminal episode with Gina Chick?), Mark Mathieson is in the Academy of Imperfection to help us understand how nature regulates our body, and how we can reconnect to it in this digital age.
Mark talks about how to uncover the person behind the persona, the science behind gardening, and why Hugh had the best sleep of his life in a tent, with no pillow.
According to Mark, human are immensely capable of change, and this episode provides a few things we can do to ensure nature is incorporated into our routines, without cramming the schedule more.
Mark, it was great to be alone . . . with you.
If you’d like to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIMSSRJg2vQ

0:00 – Ice breaker: where have we gone wrong?6:58 – The segmentation of exercise11:46 – Evolution of Mark18:53 – Person behind the persona24:10 – Our virtual reality future27:22 – Let’s learn to adapt36:00 – Building relationships with nature42:28 – The science of gardening and sunshine48:53 – Eventually, reality TV gets us all53:08 – Big city blues
🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode
Gina Chick - Don’t Fight Life - https://bit.ly/4xj0kga
Sean Turnell - A Prisoner’s Guide to Life - https://bit.ly/4btNKCu
Sex for Normal People with Ita O’Brien - https://bit.ly/4btNNya
Dr Emily - The (pesky) Hedonistic Treadmill - https://bit.ly/4yXxx2B
Dr Paul Callaghan - How To Follow The Dreaming Path - https://bit.ly/457l9PY
📚Things to read
Comfort Crisis, by Michael Easter - https://bit.ly/4pV10Ga
The Dreaming Path, by Dr Paul Callaghan and Uncle Paul Gordon - https://bit.ly/4gctqrZ
📺 Things to watch
Alone Australia (new season out now) - https://bit.ly/4yWVW8n
🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop
🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop
🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects
🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects
All views expressed in this podcast are Mark Mathieson’s and not representative of the Department of Defence, Australia.
The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What is racism, really?
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Adam Briggs, rapper, writer, actor, senator and Yorta-Yorta man, joins Hugh, Josh and guest host Nazeem Hussain, to have an honest conversation about racism in Australia.
We explore the impact of The Voice Referendum vote, how culture and community impacts identity, and why Briggs has never, ever felt the need to people please (yep, that’s the sound of us frantically scribbling down notes).
Briggs also chats about the highs and lows of bipolar II.

0:00 – No boundaries Briggs
5:26 –Big Shep’ Washing Machine
12:25 – This is racism
21:27 – A hyper-vigilante
28:06 – Perfect storm for art
36:09 – Copping it Australia Wide
43:22 – The Yes Vote
53:08 – Australian Culture
57:02 – Never just about music
1:04:50 – Make Aboriginal Cool
1:09:19 – Bipolar, therapy, training
🫖 Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode
Ben Shewry (Pt 1) - The Other Side of Excellence - https://bit.ly/4fErGpQ
Ben Shewry (Pt 2) - How The Chef Was Made - https://bit.ly/45sPsR7
Ben Shewry - Making It Right (And Delicious) - https://bit.ly/4gXyDEZ
Nazeem Hussain - Losing a Parent - https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-imperfects/id1476501557?i=1000589981824
🎧Things to listen to
Big Noter - https://www.thebignoter.com
The Children Came Back by Briggs & Gurrumul - https://bit.ly/4fGaxMH
📺Things to watch
Briggs’s Voice Referendum ad - https://bit.ly/4bkiTs2
📚Things to read
Our Home, Our Heartbeat by Adam Briggs - https://bit.ly/4yQKbjW
💻Things to check out
Rumbalara Football Netball Club - https://www.rfnc.com.au/
Bad Apples Music - https://bit.ly/4x8Rdi3
🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz
🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW
🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - https://www.patreon.com/c/TheImperfects
🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcast http://apple.co/theimperfects
The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Sex is sometimes a taboo topic. Not today! Intimacy expert Ita O’Brien tells us all about the new normal in the bedroom, and how she’s introduced it to Hollywood.
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In 2017, Ita O’Brien changed how Hollywood approached sex scenes when she pioneered intimacy co-ordination on the hit Netflix show, Sex Education, by introducing the framework, “Intimacy On Set Guidelines”. She went on to on productions for Netflix, BBC, HBO, Hulu, Amazon, including Sex Education and Normal People, founding her own company Intimacy on Set.
And now she’s here.
Ita chats with the guys about what sex scenes were like before Intimacy Co-ordination, and all the lies movies taught us about sex. She explains the mysterious orgasm gap, why consent is the foundation of all intimacy, and maybe most importantly of all… the male and female anatomy of arousal! That bit’s at the 16min mark if you’re really in a hurry. 😉

00:00 – Meet Ita O'Brien, the World's First Intimacy Coordinator
01:32 – Inside Her Work on Normal People, I May Destroy You & Sex Education
04:17 – What Intimacy Actually Means (It's Not Just Sex)
07:34 – The Untold Story of the First-Ever Intimacy Coordinator Job
09:35 – What Sex Scenes Were Like Before Consent Guidelines Existed
12:27 – Why On-Screen Intimacy Shapes How We See Ourselves
14:33 – The Hidden Lie Movies Taught Us About Sex
16:00 – The Male Anatomy of Arousal, Explained
18:33 – The Female Anatomy of Arousal, Explained
23:17 – Why Desire Fades in Long-Term Relationships
25:59 – The Power of Touch (and Why We're Losing It)
30:39 – How Screens Are Rewiring Kids' Ability to Connect
34:08 – The Truth About the Orgasm Gap
40:30 – Why Consent Is the Foundation of All Intimacy
43:10 – Filming the Iconic Birth Scene in We Live in Time
49:52 – How to Talk to Kids About Consent and Bodies
52:24 – "Consent Is Sexy": A Call to Writers and Filmmakers
54:33 – Sex, Menopause and Intimacy at Every Life Stage
📖Things to read
Intimacy: A Field Guide to Finding Connection and Feeling Your Deep Desires by Ita O’Brien - https://www.penguin.com.au/books/intimacy-9781529954043
📺 Things to watch
Sex Education (Netflix) - https://www.netflix.com/title/80197526
Normal People (BBC/Hulu) - https://www.hulu.com/series/normal-people
I May Destroy You (BBC/HBO) - https://www.hbo.com/i-may-destroy-you
Catastrophe - https://www.amazon.com/Catastrophe-Season-1/dp/B00YGB8UYK
We Live in Time (Film4/A24) - https://www.a24films.com/films/we-live-in-time
🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode
Esther Perel — Let's Be Better Lovers - https://open.spotify.com/episode/1BantQso5Ef3xPn4PWNG2I
🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz
🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW
🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu
🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcast http://apple.co/theimperfects
The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Could you live without your phone for a month?
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Patreon - www.patreon.com/theimperfects
Apple - http://apple.co/theimperfects

This week it's just the three of us. And like Odysseus before us, we embark on a life changing epic.
Where he fought the trojans, monsters, cannibals, sirens, the oceans, a cyclops and ACTUAL GODS!!
We will do something even ‘EPIC…ER’.
We’re tackling our phones.
Each of us take on a month-long challenge to fix our worst phone habits, inspired by the ‘god of no phones’ - Christopher Nolan and the release of THE ODYSSEY (if that wasn’t obvious already, but we promise this episode isn't an ad).
We then share some of our favourite bits from behind the pay wall, from our Patreon/Subscriber community. Ryan has an unplanned, very generous on-air hair donation; Josh shares a bit from a book which changed his life a bit; which leads to one of the most honest conversations he and Hugh have ever had on (or off) the show, about comparison, self-esteem, and growing up idolising your older brother.
This is one epic journey.
00:00 — The Phone Odyssey Begins
08:54 — Our Phone-Free Pledges
19:11 — Modelling Better Habits at Home
25:29 — Hairing is Caring
37:57 — A Bit From a Book That Changed Josh’s Life a Bit
48:18 — The Conversation Between Brothers That Needed to Be Had
🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode
Bronte Campbell - Comparison, The thief of joy ****https://bit.ly/49S1S7C
Joe Brumm & Hamish Blake - A Bluey Print for Dads https://bit.ly/4w4ohI8
How (and why) Ryan Dumped his iPhone https://bit.ly/3T3xdyM
Sam Willoughby - The tragic injury that changed his life (and Ryan’s Finnastride admission) https://bit.ly/4fa5u8p
📖 Things to read
The midnight library - Matt Haigh https://bit.ly/4vGgnE0
How Proust can change your life - Alain de Botton https://bit.ly/4dYfCkd
In search of lost time - Marcel Proust https://bit.ly/4vt3lJG
📺Things to watch
The Odyssey https://bit.ly/4vY8nij
Christopher Nolan on 60minutes https://bit.ly/4yjfZgX
💌Join 8,300+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/
🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/shop/
🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/shop/
The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.