Sex For Couples with Heather Shannon

Stuck in a sex rut? Take the free quiz at https://TheBetterBedroom.com
If you've ever wondered if you're sexually repressed or inhibited, this is the eipsode for you!
Discover the signs that you're sexually inhibited, why so many people hold back sexually and what to do to become more sexually authentic and free to be yourself! Let your freak flag (or vanilla flag) fly.
Host and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist Heather Shannon goes over common patterns she sees with clients as well as her own past experiences feeling repressed and uncomfortable with sexuality.
In this episode, Heather shares practical ways to notice when you are holding back, how to talk about desires with a partner, and how to work with the parts of yourself that feel protective or ashamed.
Key topics
Sexual inhibition can show up as keeping fantasies private, staying quiet during sex, or feeling like your desires are weird or inappropriate.
A “low libido” may actually be hidden desire that has been buried by self-judgment, fear of being judged, or difficulty naming wants.
Private sexual interests, like porn fantasies, romance novels, or kink scenarios, can be a sign that part of your sexuality is not being shared with a partner.
Cultural conditioning plays a major role, including messages from family, friends, school, church, purity culture, and gender socialization.
Safety matters first. Heather notes that sexual inhibition can be tied to real concerns about unwanted attention, objectification, and sexual aggression.
Substance use during sex can be a clue that inhibition is getting in the way of pleasure and ease.

Timestamps
00:00 - What sexual inhibition is and what this episode will cover
00:31 - Signs you may be repressed or censoring yourself
05:36 - How socialization teaches people what sex is “allowed” to be
06:06 - Church, purity culture, and shame-based sexual messaging
07:03 - Sexual safety, unwanted attention, and guardedness
09:25 - Family modeling, mixed examples, and emotional risk around sex
13:36 - How civilization can lead us to exile our primal side
15:00 - Reconciling the proper self with the sexual self
16:25 - Integrating lust and emotional connection
17:24 - Using parts work to welcome the more wild parts
19:50 - How sharing desires can create intimacy and closeness
20:49 - Substance use as a sign that inhibition may be present
21:10 - Befriending the protective inner voice
21:40 - Freeing your sexuality without needing to be stereotypically wild
23:06 - How to ask for curiosity and safety from a partner
Looking for coaching? Request a free consultation with Heather:
Unlock Your Passion - Consultation Call

This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis:

Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Feeling stuck in your sex life? Take the free quiz to find your sexy spark again: https://thebetterbedroom.com
SEX WITH ADHD
You're in the middle of sex and somehow your brain wanders off to grocery lists, Hamilton the musical, or the ceiling fan clicking. Then the shame kicks in. If that's you, this episode is going to change how you think about it completely.
Heather sits down with Cate Osborn, ADHD content creator, sex educator, and best-selling author of The ADHD Field Guide for Adults, to break down what ADHD and neurodivergence actually have to do with sex and intimacy. Spoiler: everything.
They cover why the ADHD brain treats sex like just another series of tasks (same as making a sandwich), why kink might be the most naturally ADHD-friendly toolbox there is, how executive dysfunction shows up in the bedroom, the surprising links between ADHD and erectile dysfunction, orgasm difficulty, and hormonal shifts, and, for partners of someone with ADHD, where explanation ends and excuse begins.
In this episode:
00:00 Intro
01:35 Why so many of Heather's clients turn out to be neurodivergent
02:53 Executive functioning and how it touches every part of your sex life
04:15 The comorbidities nobody talks about (anxiety, OCD, disordered eating)
04:42 What "AuDHD" is and why it matters
06:45 The sexual assault statistics that stopped Heather in her tracks
08:04 Inside The ADHD Field Guide for Adults
14:11 Why kink might be the perfect tool for an ADHD brain
18:20 The real reason you get distracted during sex
23:50 "I'm thinking about Hamilton the musical", checking out mid-sex
25:10 Eye contact, communication, and knowing your own needs
36:12 The partner side: what's fair to ask, and where accountability comes in
44:34 Resentment, parentified relationships, and sex drive
45:43 Orgasm difficulty and erectile dysfunction, explained
Curious about coaching with Heather? Book a free Pathway to Passion consult
More from Cate Osborn:
Instagram
Buy The Book

This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis:

Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Feeling stuck in your sex life or wondering how to reignite intimacy with your partner? Take the free quiz at TheBetterBedroom.com to find out what's really going on.
Why More Frequent Sex Isn't the Fix You Need
Most couples who feel stuck in their sex life assume the answer is just having sex more often. Couples therapist Zach Brittle (host of Marriage Therapy Radio) joins host and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist Heather Shannon to explain why chasing frequency backfires, and why sex is actually a skill you build, not something you either have or don't. They dig into what people get wrong when they try to "work harder" at sex, why outcome-focused sex (orgasm, erection, intercourse) narrows what counts as intimacy, and how one couple in Zach's practice eliminated the guesswork around initiation entirely with a simple negotiated system.
Topics covered:
Why "more sex" is the wrong goal for a low sex life
Reframing sex as a skill instead of a talent you either have or don't
What "what's it for?" and "what counts?" reveal about your sex life
Why rejection in the bedroom is rarely about attraction
A real couple's negotiated system for ending initiation anxiety
Treating sex like a hobby instead of a performance

More from Zach Brittle:
Marriage Therapy Radio — https://marriagetherapyradio.com/
More from Heather:
AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, host of Sex For Couples. Want personalized support for your relationship? Book a coaching consultation at https://HeatherShannon.co.

This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis:

Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Take the Why You're Stuck In A Sex Rut Quiz now! https://TheBetterBedroom.com
If you feel more like roommates, co-parents, or logistical planning partners than lovers, your phone might be a bigger part of the problem than you think. In this episode, Heather Shannon — certified sex therapist with 20 years of counseling experience — breaks down what constant phone use is actually doing to your sex drive and your relationship, and how getting present again brings your desire back with it.
What You'll Learn
00:02 — Why phone use might be quietly killing your sex life, and what a 2025 University of Connecticut/Columbia study found about phone use, conflict, and intimacy in relationships
02:27 — The societal shift toward disconnection: distracted driving, ignored bids for attention, and the disappearing "hello" when you walk into a shop
04:54 — Why being "in your head" instead of "in your body" is one of the biggest hidden causes of performance anxiety, difficulty orgasming, and disconnection from your partner
07:16 — How to audit your own phone use: what you actually want vs. what your actions show, and why this matters even more for men who weren't encouraged to be in touch with their emotions
09:38 — What you get back when you put the phone down: presence, laughter, working out as a body-awareness practice, and why boredom can actually be good for your sex life
11:52 — The trade-off most people don't examine: what you're sacrificing for a quick dopamine hit (and a mention of the book Dopamine Nation)
14:15 — Heather's own 48-hour phone experiment: turning off text, WhatsApp, social media, and email for a weekend — and what it did to her nervous system and her sex drive
16:32 — Practical solutions: checking in with yourself before you scroll, using Screen Time/Downtime limits, and why limits alone aren't enough — you have to decide how you actually want to spend your time

Join the 30-Day Challenge
Heather's considering building a 30-day cell-phone-reducing, relationship-presence-boosting challenge. If that's something you'd want in on, comment "CHALLENGE" on YouTube or Spotify, or email Hello@HeatherShannon.co directly. If there's enough interest, she'll build it.
Resources & Links
📋 Take the quiz: TheBetterBedroom.com
📅 Book a consultation call for coaching: HeatherShannon.co
📖 Mentioned in this episode: Dopamine Nation by Dr. Anna Lembke
🧘 Mentioned in this episode: Eckhart Tolle's perspective on digital society and presence

This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis:

Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Take the free quiz to find out why you're stuck in a sex rut: https://TheBetterBedroom.com
What does it actually take to feel dominant in the bedroom, and why do so many of us freeze up when it's our turn to lead? In this episode, Heather sits down with Amanda Dames, a kink consultant and former professional dominatrix, to break down the real skills behind dominance, submission, and power dynamics in a relationship.
Amanda spent two years working at a dungeon while holding down a corporate job at the Wall Street Journal, and she brings that hands-on experience into a real conversation about how dominant and submissive roles actually work, how to figure out your own authentic style, and how to vet a partner for safety before you ever get started. They cover the different types of Doms (Master, Traditional Dom, Caretaker Dom, and Pleasure Dom), the different types of submissives (service subs, slaves, baby girls and boys), the red flags that signal an unhealthy power dynamic, and why most of what we see about kink and BDSM in movies sets totally unrealistic expectations.
If you're ready to go deeper than a podcast episode, visit https://HeatherShannon.co to request a free consultation and learn about Heather's signature Pathway to Passion coaching program.
Timestamps: 0:00 Amanda's path from marine biology to the Wall Street Journal to a Craigslist dominatrix job 4:30 Discovering a more powerful, dominant version of herself 8:00 What a Dom's real job actually is, and how to avoid burnout 17:00 Why you need to talk to your partner before you talk divorce 19:30 How a real negotiation between a Dom and a client actually works 26:30 Why being patient with yourself matters more than getting it right the first time 30:00 The four types of Dominants, explained 36:20 The submissive types, and how to find your own style 37:50 How to vet a Dom (or any partner) for safety 45:00 Why movies like Secretary and Baby Girl are not how-to videos 51:00 Amanda's free worksheet for talking about your desires with confidence
Take the free quiz: https://TheBetterBedroom.com
Learn more about Heather's Pathway to Passion coaching: https://HeatherShannon.co
Get Amanda's free worksheet, Speaking Your Desires With Confidence: https://AmandaDames.com

This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis:

Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp