Triggered to Transformed with Art of Accomplishment's Joe Hudson and Tara Howley
This week, Erik sits down with Joe Hudson and Tara Howley, the extraordinary couple behind Art of Accomplishment, whose coaching has helped CEOs like Sam Altman. They share their journey from a toxic relationship to a deeply connected partnership, offering personal stories, practical strategies, and insights on how self-growth, therapy, and commitment to transformation can foster resilient, loving relationships.
Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co
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SPONSOR: Relationship Hero
It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.
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LINK/S:
Art of Accomplishment: https://www.artofaccomplishment.com/
Joe and Esme — The Teenage Years: https://youtu.be/Eg70lbiElrI?si=bK-8FB-bzYh6HqL1
How to Be a Parent (Without Messing Everything Up) | Joe Hudson and Nathan Baschez: https://www.artofaccomplishment.com/podcast/how-to-be-a-parent-without-messing-everything-up-joe-hudson-and-nathan-baschez
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FOLLOW ON X:
Joe - @FU_joehudson
Erik - @eriktorenberg
Turpentine - @turpentinemedia
Chapters
00:00:00 Preview and Intro
00:01:48 Disclosure
00:02:54 Welcome Joe and Tara
00:03:01 How Joe and Tara Met
00:13:03 Early Challenges and Growth
00:14:11 The Role of Self-Development
00:16:39 Navigating Relationship Dynamics
00:17:14 Sponsor: Relationship Hero
00:18:49 Transformation and Trust
00:27:10 Marriage Requirements and Challenges
00:28:27 Evaluating a Life Partner
00:30:27 Trade-offs and Compromises in Marriage
00:35:57 The Importance of Being Seen
00:43:11 Triggers and Personal Growth
00:44:53 Grieving and Moving On
00:46:55 Choosing the Right Partner
00:53:54 Life Changes and Marriage
00:55:18 Wrap
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Lindsay Taub & Harley Finkelstein: How to Build a Ride or Die Partnership
In this episode, Erik sits down with Harley Finkelstein and Lindsay Taub, partners of 15 years. Harley, Shopify's president, and Lindsay, a psychotherapist and entrepreneur, discuss their speed dating origin story, balancing radical acceptance with growth, and redefining work-life balance while raising two daughters together when your job is all-consuming.
Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co
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SPONSOR: Relationship Hero
It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.
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Shopify: https://www.shopify.com/ph
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FOLLOW ON X:
Harley - @harleyf
Erik - @eriktorenberg
Turpentine - @turpentinemedia
Chapters
00:00:00 Preview and Intro
00:01:39 Disclosure
00:02:45 The Speed Dating Origin Story
00:04:47 Early Relationship Challenges
00:07:27 Deciding to Move In Together
00:10:25 True Partnerships and Taking Chances
00:13:26 Sponsor: Relationship Hero
00:15:07 Building Success Together
00:17:55 Relationships Are Constantly Evolving
00:19:24 Relationship Role Models and Date Nights
00:23:09 The Value of Couples Therapy
00:24:45 Finding a Partner: What Doesn't Work
00:26:28 The Importance of Sharing Life Goals
00:29:09 Intentionality: "How You Do Anything Is How You Do Everything"
00:34:16 Raising Kids and Money
00:39:00 Teaching Gratitude and Philanthropy
00:43:21 Parenting by Example
00:48:25 The Key to Relationship Longevity
00:52:00 Incorporating Work and Life
00:54:37 Accepting Your Partner While Encouraging Growth
00:58:27 Wrap
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59:11
The Two Questions That Matter Most in Finding a Life Partner with Jared Fliesler
Today on Modern Relationships Erik Torenberg is joined by Jared Fliesler, a former executive at Google, Square, and Scribd turned founder coach, discusses how to identify core values in partners, distinguish between compromise and "horse trading," and determine when someone is "good enough." He shares insights on building meaningful connections, his co-living experiments, and navigating long-distance relationships.
Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co
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SPONSOR: Relationship Hero
It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.
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LINKS | BOOKS RECOMMENDED:
The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership by Jim Dethmer, Diana Champan, etc: https://conscious.is/15-commitments
Book: https://www.amazon.com/15-Commitments-Conscious-Leadership-Sustainable-ebook/dp/B00R3MHWUE
Positive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine: https://www.amazon.com/Positive-Intelligence-Individuals-Achieve-Potential/dp/1608322785
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FOLLOW ON X:
Jared -@JaredSF
Erik - @eriktorenberg
Turpentine - @turpentinemedia
Chapters
00:00:00 Intro
00:01:30 How to Know When Someone is "Good Enough"
00:04:20 Core Values vs. Surface Compatibility
00:07:02 Evolution of Relationship Priorities
00:14:06 Embracing Past Relationship Struggles
00:15:48 Sponsor: Relationship Hero
00:18:31 Tools for Aligning on What Really Matters
00:24:35 Values Evolution: From San Francisco to Austin
00:30:45 Living in Community: Beyond Roommates
00:39:01 House Values and Shared Agreements
00:41:17 When to Call It Quits in a Relationship
00:45:22 Compromise vs. Horse Trading
00:50:27 Communication Frameworks for Deeper Connection
00:57:30 Navigating Age Gaps and Family Planning
01:01:51 Making Long-Distance Relationships Work
01:11:00 The Paradox of Choice in Modern Dating
01:20:45 Dating Apps and Modern Gay Relationships
01:25:34 Polyamory: Complexity and Connection
01:27:38 Wrap
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1:29:45
How to Navigate Conflict and Respond Better to Emotions | Ann Pierce
Today on Modern Relationships Erik Torenberg talks to Ann Pierce, a former startup founder who became obsessed with the mission of solving interpersonal conflict. Ann unpacks why conflict isn't inherently negative but actually builds trust when handled correctly. She covers why invalidation is the most common threat most of us encounter, how we misunderstand each other through projection, and how to break the cycles of conflict.
Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co
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SPONSOR: Relationship Hero
It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.
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LINKS:
Ann Pierce Website: https://www.annpierce.com/
Ann Pierce - Understanding Interpersonal Conflict: https://substack.com/home/post/p-153042013?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Love Symposium: https://symposium.love/
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FOLLOW ON X:
Ann - @itsannpierce
Erik - @eriktorenberg
Turpentine - @turpentinemedia
Chapters
00:00:00 Intro and Preview
00:01:56 Ann's Background and Research Journey
00:04:01 The Compatibility Question
00:06:00 Understanding Healthy Conflict
00:08:00 Personality Typologies and Wounds
00:12:27 Sponsor: Relationship Hero
00:14:04 The Nature of Threat Sensitivity
00:17:07 Breaking Conflict Cycles
00:20:16 Moving Beyond Binary Thinking
00:23:02 How Emotions Function
00:28:33 Emotional Regulation Tools
00:33:44 Misinterpreting Each Other
00:39:22 Language and Misunderstandings
00:44:35 Overcoming Threat Sensitivity
00:54:31 Building Self-Worth and Self-Esteem
00:55:21 Critiques of Couples Therapy
00:59:24 Practical Steps for Self-Improvement
01:01:29 Training and Practice for Better Relationships
01:04:36 The Love Symposium and Future Work
01:05:24 Wrap
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A Female Dating Coach Explains Men's Dating Behavior | Matchmaker Blaine Anderson
Dating coach and matchmaking expert Blaine Anderson discusses the psychology behind successful dating for men in today's complex landscape. The conversation explores why instant "sparks" are often misleading indicators of relationship potential, with Anderson revealing how chemistry can develop over time rather than appearing at first sight. She explains why many men find themselves trapped in the friendzone and offers counterintuitive strategies for escaping it—including the critical step of genuinely moving on.
Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co
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SPONSOR: Relationship Hero
It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session.
--
LINKS:
Dating by Blaine: https://clients.datingbyblaine.com/hi
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FOLLOW ON X:
Blaine - @datingbyblaine
Erik - @eriktorenberg
Turpentine - @turpentinemedia
Chapters
00:00:00 Intro and Preview
00:02:26 Being a Woman Dating Coach for Men
00:03:45 Why Focus on Coaching Men
00:04:41 "Serial Killer Vibes" in Dating Profiles
00:05:08 Core Dating Advice Philosophy
00:07:13 What Dating Coaching Looks Like
00:08:33 Blaine's Dating Courses Overview
00:10:21 Common Client Types and Their Challenges
00:12:04 Matchmaking Process and Mindsets
00:13:59 Questioning Dating Criteria
00:16:22 Sponsor: Relationship Hero
00:17:15 Age Preferences and Dating Flexibility
00:19:09 Career vs. Traditional Roles in Relationships
00:21:00 How Matchmaking Works
00:23:41 How Matchmakers Find Potential Partners
00:24:45 Marketing vs. Product in Dating
00:26:26 Post-Breakup Dating Advice
00:27:52 Evaluating Potential Relationships
00:29:17 The Myth of "Instant Chemistry"
00:30:19 Escaping the Friend Zone
00:32:21 Advice for Men Who "Simp" Too Hard
00:33:00 Where Coaching Ends and Therapy Begins
00:34:46 Women's Dating Coaching
00:36:34 The Future of Dating
00:38:31 The Stigma of Dating Coaching
00:40:43 Dating Apps vs. Self-Development
00:41:55 Dating Rules: When to Have Sex
00:44:24 Transition to Long-Term Relationships
00:46:28 Blaine's Personal Dating Evolution
00:49:00 Matchmaking Confidence and Success Metrics
00:51:42 Blind Dates vs. Pre-qualification
00:52:39 How Matchmaking Services Are Structured
00:53:24 Wrap
We rarely get to hear how people actually make relationships work, especially in the high-pressure, fast-paced world of tech. While there's endless dating advice out there, what's missing are the real, unfiltered stories of how ambitious people navigate modern relationships and build a life together.
Unlike every other aspect of modern life that can be solved with an app or outsourced to a service, building meaningful relationships remains stubbornly resistant to quick fixes. Through conversations with leading relationship thinkers and candid interviews with real couples, we dig into the raw truth of what it takes to make partnerships work - from the challenges and fights to the breakthroughs and lessons learned along the way.
I believe we learn best from seeing how others have navigated similar paths. These conversations offer honest perspectives on what it really takes to make modern relationships work in our corner of the world.
Hosted by Erik Torenberg, investor and entrepreneur.
Modern Relationships is part of the Turpentine podcast network.