Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

In this episode (#318), we respond to a deeply painful and thought-provoking submission from a partner married for fifteen years who discovered her husband’s long-standing pattern of visual sexual behaviors. While he insists he rarely masturbated, his compulsive scanning, voyeurism, and objectification left her questioning whether “just looking” could really constitute addiction—and why it felt so devastating. We outline how repeated denial, trickle-truth, and gaslighting created not only sexual betrayal but integrity abuse, leading to severe betrayal trauma marked by hypervigilance, loss of identity, shame, and emotional exhaustion.
We then break down why addiction is not defined by orgasm alone. While climax powerfully reinforces behavior, sexual addiction is fueled by much more: anticipation, novelty, entitlement, secrecy, and emotional escape. Visual sexual behaviors can flood the brain with addictive neurochemicals long before orgasm ever occurs, training the brain to seek stimulation without intimacy. We explain how scanning and objectification allow addicts to bypass vulnerability while still receiving powerful neurological rewards, and how edging and prolonged preoccupation can become addictive in their own right.
Finally, we address why visual sexual addiction often hurts partners more than masturbation. For many partners, “just looking” feels deeply personal—it involves comparison, preference, and emotional pursuit, not just physical release. We emphasize the vital distinction between sobriety and recovery, the necessity of full honesty through formal disclosure, and the importance of dismantling sexual entitlement rather than merely abstaining from behaviors. True healing, we conclude, requires integrity, empathy, and an intentional choice to move out of addiction and fully into relationship.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:   Can "Just Looking" Destroy a Marriage:  Understanding Visual Sexual Addiction
Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com
Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling
Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

In this episode (#317), we address one of the most destabilizing experiences betrayed partners face: the collapse of reality after discovering a partner’s hidden addiction. When betrayal comes from someone who appeared kind, loving, and emotionally present, the trauma can feel especially disorienting. Partners often question their intelligence, intuition, and judgment—but we make it clear that intuition cannot detect information that was deliberately concealed. Betrayal is not a failure of perception; it is the result of sustained secrecy, compartmentalization, and integrity abuse.
Rather than focusing on whether the addict is truly in recovery or what the future might hold, we invite partners to gently shift their attention back to themselves. Grounding becomes essential in the aftermath of betrayal, as the nervous system is often locked in hypervigilance and survival mode. We explore the importance of pausing—not freezing—so that decisions are not driven by fear, pressure, or urgency. Authentic wants and needs are not ultimatums or selfish demands; they are expressions of self-truth that deserve to be honored, especially after trauma.
Finally, we discuss what it means to reclaim self-trust. Loving another person authentically requires seeing them as they truly are, not just through hope or potential—but it also requires honoring one’s own authentic limits, capacity, and bandwidth. This episode is not about making the “right” relationship decision. It is about choosing a path that allows the betrayed partner to remain congruent, grounded, and whole. Healing does not require predicting the future; it begins by staying honest with yourself in the present.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:   From Shock to Self-Trust:  Reclaiming Your Inner Truth After Betrayal
Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com
Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling
Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

In this episode (#316) we focus on the critical role of proactive honesty in healing relationships impacted by addiction, betrayal, and trauma. Proactive honesty goes far beyond “not lying”—it means leading with truth rather than waiting to be confronted, asked the right question, or forced into disclosure. When honesty becomes reactive instead of proactive, trust erodes, emotional safety collapses, and partners lose the ability to make informed choices. We emphasize that honesty struggles are not limited to addicts; partners can also drift into dishonesty through self-silencing, conflict avoidance, or fear of toxic reactions.
We examine the many reasons honesty breaks down, including fear of conflict, shame, habitual deception, emotional dysregulation, and attempts to manage or control others’ perceptions. While these patterns may be understandable survival strategies, they are never harmless. Dishonesty—whether through outright lies, partial truths, minimization, or “everything’s fine” responses—undermines accountability, intimacy, and recovery. We explain why clarity equals respect, why intent does not erase impact, and how avoiding the full truth often creates repeated betrayals rather than preventing harm.
Finally, we outline what practicing proactive honesty actually looks like: catching dishonesty early, naming wrongs clearly, telling the whole truth, acknowledging impact without defensiveness, expressing accountability without shame, backing words with measurable actions, and allowing the other person’s response without trying to control it. We also stress the importance of choosing appropriate environments for difficult conversations—without using that as an excuse to deceive. Proactive honesty is uncomfortable and challenging, but it is essential for rebuilding trust, restoring integrity, and creating relationships rooted in safety, authenticity, and real connection.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:   What Does "Proactive Honesty" in Your Daily Life & Relationships Look Like?
Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com
Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling
Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

This episode (#315) challenges the common illusion that visible recovery behaviors—meetings, therapy, sobriety streaks—automatically equal real change. Using a devastating listener submission as the catalyst, we explain why relapse after “recovery” often hurts partners more deeply than early betrayal: by that point, the addict knows the harm and still chooses it. We distinguish reactive recovery (driven by panic, fear, and consequences) from real recovery (driven by identity change, courage, and internal ownership), emphasizing that activity without transformation inevitably collapses.
We then walk through the core barriers that block lasting change. These include terror of life without addiction, denial of full impact, unresolved trauma and powerlessness, attachment to the emotional rewards addiction provides, fear of standing fully in the light through accountability, and the belief that recovery is undeserved. Each barrier keeps addicts circling recovery without fully entering it—checking boxes while protecting the very patterns that sustain addiction.
Ultimately, we argue that half-recovery is more dangerous than no recovery at all because it creates false safety and repeated devastation. Real change requires dismantling the lies addicts tell themselves about who they are, what they need, and what they deserve. True recovery is not about avoiding loss or appeasing a partner—it is about becoming someone fundamentally different. Until addicts are willing to face these internal blocks head-on, the cycle will continue. But when they do, real and lasting change becomes possible.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:  No Bullsh*T—What's ACTUALLY Blocking an Addict's TRUE Change? 
Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com
Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling
Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

As a new year begins, many addicts and betrayed partners feel both hope and heartbreak—hope that things can change, and heartbreak from remembering all the years they didn’t. In this episode, we explain why traditional New Year’s resolutions often fail: they are usually made from reactionary emotional states, lack realistic structure, and collapse when real life returns. Instead of empowering change, these resolutions frequently deepen shame, reinforce hopeless identity narratives, and push people further into addiction or emotional withdrawal.

In PBSE Episode 314, we examine several common traps that sabotage lasting growth, including “blood oaths” and grand promises, punitive self-punishment after setbacks, and goals that focus only on stopping behaviors rather than addressing the deeper emotional and relational roots driving them. We emphasize the importance of reparative accountability—learning from breakdowns instead of shaming ourselves—and the necessity of planning for obstacles rather than pretending they won’t happen. Sustainable change requires humility, preparation, and a willingness to confront uncomfortable patterns instead of avoiding them.

Finally, we focus on two critical but often overlooked drivers of change: identity and environment. We explain how internal self-talk and identity beliefs shape behavior, and why becoming a different person must come before doing different behaviors. We also highlight how environments—relationships, routines, technology, and thought patterns—either support or sabotage recovery. Real and lasting change in 2026 won’t come from another resolution; it will come from aligning identity, environment, and daily practices with the life we are trying to build.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:  How to Attain REAL and LASTING Change in 2026!
Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com
Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling
Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services