DATE YOUR WIFE

In today’s episode, Garrett and Danielle tackle the topic of parenting after just returning from an epic family vacation in Maui. As much as they love spending time together as a family, there’s still guilt that comes as they juggle creating & building their business empires with raising and spending quality time with their children.  *This is a previously aired episode from February 27, 2018. Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast….PARENTING Point #1: Mommy and Daddy Guilt Garrett: I was stuck inside the story that everything I was doing was fucking up my kids and messing with their future.  As a businessman this is a real killer because we are so busy with our businesses, how do we deal with the guilt and shame of not showing up as a father in a way that is actually connected or makes you feel good? Danielle felt guilty as a mom, especially when she was a younger mom micromanaging everything and always feeling like she always had to be there for her kids. Many women have a really hard time spending money or time on themselves, which can make going out on dates with their husbands extremely stressful, especially when you have really young kids. QUESTION How has playing the guilt card suffocated your relationship? What are some ways you can begin letting go and freeing yourself of guilt and shame? Point #2: Out of the Mouths of Babes During the podcast, their 11-year-old daughter makes a surprise appearance via telephone, candidly answering questions posed by her parents. When asked about vacations as a family: “I think it’s important because you get time off from work and get to spend time with us for a whole week instead of just seeing us after school, after your Date Nights, or in the morning.”  Danielle has fought hard for the vacations. She sees them as a time to reconnect as a family, create memorable experiences for everyone, and as a way to establish family traditions. QUESTION What are some of your favorite memories of family trips or vacations you have taken? Point #3: Fulfillment Comes From Purpose Garrett and Danielle both have a Purpose beyond each other and a Purpose beyond their parenting. That Purpose fulfills both of them individually, then that individual connection with themselves connects with each other as a couple, and that ‘couple love’ spreads down into their children. As they are more often on the same page, and more ok with the idea of who they are as individuals, this has opened up the possibility for their children to see a new path for living. At the end of the day, parenting is about role modeling how to live. The one skillset that you should give your children?  How to powerfully live the truth of who they are. QUESTION What Purpose have you found for yourselves individually beyond your relationship or children? How can you support each other in living that more fully? Point #4: Make Time For Each Other We have this faulty belief system that says my marriage must come secondary to the raising of my children. We think that somehow the raising of our children will happen with more power from a couple that’s disconnected, doesn’t love each other, aren’t having sex, and are not communicating. While in Maui, about 90% of the couples staying at the Four Seasons were in their late 50s and 60s, completely bored with and disconnected from each other, and questioning if they even wanted to stay together. They had lost themselves inside of the focus on their children. QUESTION What can you begin doing in your marriage to prevent yourselves from becoming a statistic when the kids are grown?  Point #5: Date Night is Non-negotiable Danielle wasn’t always a passionate advocate of Date Night. Garrett had to fight for what has now become normal inside of their relationship: weekly Date Nights. He cautions men that it’s not going to be easy at first – you’re going to have a wife that is dealing with all of the guilt and emotions surrounding the stress of leaving the kids with a babysitter, not to mention reconciling the cost of the entire evening. Gentlemen, take charge and make this shit happen! Don’t make Date Nights negotiable. Put your crown on, pick up your shield & your sword, and fight for the shit required to put your relationship back on track. A couple of resources to help you with that: care.com and warriorbook.com QUESTION When was your last Date Night? Communication Challenge: Discuss the actions you feel inspired to take after listening to today’s podcast. Date Night Topic: 1 – Go on a Date Night to schedule Date Nights. 2 – Have a conversation about the guilt that you may be experiencing individually and as a couple. Quote of the Week: “I would have you consider that the greatest parenting you could offer your children is to demonstrate a great relationship with your partner. You want to be a better father? Then date their mother. You want to be a better father? Then make love to their mother. You want to be a better father? Then show them the example of what it is to be a man fighting for a relationship and for a marriage.” — Garrett J White “You chose to get married. You chose to have a family. There’s connection with  your spouse and there’s connection with each of your children. You will always be their mom, but you’re not always going to be their parent. As you find some Purpose and Passion in your life, it’s not going to take away from anything that you will give your kids. In fact, it will give  more  to your kids. Allow yourself permission to let go of that guilt and find something for yourself.” — Danielle K White

Garrett and Danielle have a conversation about the three components necessary in order to create favorable conditions for communication inside your marriage. *This is an encore presentation of a previously aired episode from 2018. Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast….COMMUNICATION Point #1: The Mirror in the Closet Danielle has a mirror and bench inside her closet which comes in handy for the “get it done” sex. “It’s a good view for us both: He’s got his mirror and I’ve got my shoes,” says Danielle. Garrett: It’s awesome. Not only is it great sex, but it’s also visual content and stimulus for my mind for days. QUESTION How can you spice up your “get it done” sex? Point #2: Date Your Wife Podcast  Garrett came to Danielle last year at this time and told her they were going to be doing a weekly podcast called Date Your Wife. At the time of this recording, they are ready to hit their 50th episode which represents at least 25 hours of communication. Garrett: The podcast was a favorable condition that we created with time, energy, and money, and has proven to be the best therapy of all time for us. QUESTION What favorable conditions have you created in order to have better communication with your spouse? Point #3: Lacking Sex? If you’re a guy and sex is not happening, it’s a guarantee that what is also not happening is communication – direct, intimate communication which is the ability to communicate and connect. If you have not invested time, energy, or money to create those conditions, then you also cannot be entitled to the results that come through sex and connection. QUESTION Where in your relationship are you investing money and energy, but not time? Point #4: Date Night You must create favorable conditions for communication on your dates. If you are always going out with friends and family for your Date Nights, that is not an environment where the two of you are able to have deep, intimate conversation. Garrett enjoys getting together with other couples about once a month, but anything more than is too much, even if they’re good friends because it turns into Team Girls and Team Guys instead of the one-on-one time together that they are desiring on their dates. QUESTION What has been your Date Night pattern? Point #5: Time, Energy, and Money If you’re going to create communication, you must be willing to create favorable conditions for communication. You’re going to have to invest time, energy, and money at some level, whatever it is. Many men will  not  invest the time and energy, but will invest the money, or will invest the time and energy, but not invest any money. All three components of the Trifecta must be present. QUESTION What portion of the Trifecta are you missing? Communication Challenge: Figure out how you’re going to create favorable conditions for communication inside your marriage. Date Night Topic: What can you add to your sex life to spice up those times when you have the “let’s get it done” sex? Quote of the Week: “You must be willing to invest to create favorable conditions for communication to exist.” — Garrett J White “Women look to men for safety and security. In reaching for that safety and security you have to look inward and realize that you are part of creating your own safety and security inside of that relationship.” — Danielle K White

In This Week’s Podcast…MONEY Point #1: Saving & Investing As Danielle steps back and looks at their amazing businesses and lifestyle, she is curious if there is a way to start putting more money into other areas, like savings, in addition to life insurance. She wonders if she is ignoring signs from their past mistakes, knowing that their current lifestyle is more abundant than ever before. Garrett: My wife has pushed for our life to rise over and over again. At this point, we save more money than we’ve ever saved in our whole lives. I’ve also gone from the only place where I would invest is in the business, and have moved into the place of investing in the family. Ask Yourself:   How are you doing in the area of savings? Point #2: Obsession The challenge inside of marriage when it comes to the topic of money is this: making money, growing money, keeping money, and leveraging money. Seventeen years ago, after reading the book ‘Rich Dad, Poor Dad,’ Garrett realized for the first time that he could make money and became obsessed with it. He went back and forth between the hustle mode of making money and the phase of growing money as he built teams and processes which led him to the game of keeping money. Over the past several years he has invested and put strategies into place which have benefited them in massive ways inside their bank accounts and savings vaults. Ask Yourself:  Where are you as a couple when it comes to making & keeping money? Point #3: Building a Legacy Danielle: We live an amazing lifestyle. I’m at the point where I want to be able to build a legacy; an empire. If we stopped working ten years from now, I want to know that we could still live our amazing lifestyle for years to come  plus  help our children if we needed to. My parents live well but they can’t stop working. My dad is 69 and is still building custom homes because they have to continue working to maintain their lifestyle. I look at both of our parents and don’t want to live like either of them. Ask Yourself:  What do you ultimately desire? Point #4: A Team Effort Danielle: Ladies, money is a tough conversation. Whether you’re a woman who can take care of herself, or you’re the Mom CEO of the family, it’s nice to have a guy that takes care of you. I also want to be a part of this team effort and part of the decisions. I don’t want to sit on the sidelines and be naive about what’s going on. Ask Yourself:  How do you handle money decisions in your relationship? Point #5: Maintain Or Increase? Garrett to Danielle: Would you be willing to maintain our current lifestyle even though our businesses are increasing in revenue? We would maintain our current game, and everything else would go pure cash with no expense increase whatsoever in our personal lifestyle over the next five years. We would not change homes or cars and we would just keep the same game. We would put all the money away that you want to put away without having to up the standard, meaning… two bags, not nine. Ask Yourself:  What are you willing to do in order to be able to put money away? Communication Challenge: Have some conversations with your spouse about the game of money: making, growing, keeping, and leveraging money. Date Night Topic: If the money were to suddenly stop coming in, how long would you be able to live your current lifestyle without changing anything? Quote of the Week: “This podcast isn’t about having all the answers for you but rather a conversation where we’re in a place of figuring shit out as we go.” -Garrett J. White “When I’m seventy years old, I want us to be working because we’re passionate about it and we are choosing to – we have a purpose behind it – not to just pay the fucking bills.” -Danielle K. White

In this week’s episode of the Date Your Wife podcast, co-hosts Garrett J and Danielle K White are coming to you from the 38th-floor inside a corner suite of the Four Seasons in Las Vegas where they are celebrating Danielle’s 36th birthday. This week’s conversation is about how the unification of your standards with your spouse builds the ultimate standard, and how you can’t pull that off unless you have actually connected with your own standard. Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast…COMMUNICATION Point #1: Standards One of the gifts of being married is that we each come into it with radically different standards for life. We have standards about sexuality, parenting, making money, how we spend our time, etc., based upon our past, how we were raised, and our mindsets. Danielle: I do have a high standard based upon how I was raised but what I also notice is that I’m an extremely experience-based, detailed person which makes me hold things to a different level or standard than most people. QUESTION What are some standards you hold yourself to? Point #2: Tolerance We tolerate what our standards are. Where this ends up in collision is inside of marriage due to the different standards of each spouse. Garrett has a standard of emotional connection, which is leaving people better than when you first meet them, something that comes very natural for him. Danielle, on the other hand, will tolerate almost no communication with other people. QUESTION What are some of the differing standards inside your marriage which have been a source for collision? Point #3: It Takes Two to Tango Garrett: Without my standards for communication, Danielle would have limited her communication. She never would have launched a podcast in the hair industry, nor would have launched her own salon or training company. Danielle: I hold the standard of where we live and what we wear. When I push to get nicer things in life, we push more in business. And when we push more in business, it not only affects our family but it also creates multiple job opportunities for multiple families. QUESTION What have your differing standards created inside of your world? Point #4: Own Your Standards Garrett: We take a stand for each individual to own their identity, where neither one is a doormat or a steamroller but where we both come to terms with who we are. My standards say we do one thing and Danielle’s standards say we do another. As you come to own your standards, it allows you to actually embrace the standards of other people. Together, you create this ultimate standard as a couple. You begin to be more committed to each other, and out of that is birthed something deeper than love, which is respect. QUESTION How has owning your individual standards created the ultimate standard inside your marriage? Point #5: Co-creation Garrett: The standards across both sides of co-creation have allowed for Danielle and I to build our brands, our businesses, and our family. The unique side about all of this is there are very few powerful couples taking a stand for marriage that works, which requires you to be clear in your standards. Danielle: I’m realizing that in managing our own empires and managing a marriage – and managing it well – it’s kind of unheard of. We each have huge visions for our brands and we’re proving that it can be done; that we can have those individual standards but also come together to create more as a couple. QUESTION What have you been able to co-create as a couple that you most likely never would have on your own? Communication Challenge: Where can you push in your relationship to become more together, to grow together, and unite as a couple? Date Night Topic: What can you create as a couple by uniting your individual standards? Quote of the Week: “The mix of standards between a married couple blend together to create the ultimate cocktail of creation.” — Garrett J White “I think we push each other in all the right ways. I think that’s what a relationship is supposed to be: pushing one another to a healthy place .” — Danielle K White

In this week’s topic of Money, Garrett and Danielle explore the idea that the best return on investment you can make is that of time and experiences with your spouse and children. They share stories and tips on how to pull this off successfully, no matter what circumstances you may currently find yourself in. * This is an encore presentation of a previously aired episode. Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast…MONEY Point #1: Feeling Like An ATM or Piece of Ass? Inside the game of Relationship, money itself is a controlling tool for most men. Men use money to control women, and women use sex to control men. At the end of the day, this seduction loop leaves many men feeling that the only validation they get is when they make the money, leaving them feeling like an ATM machine. The wife can be feeling like she’s ‘just a piece of ass’ and an unpaid slave. Taking care of the home and the children is a full-time job in and of itself, worth a  lot  more money than many men are giving their wives permission to spend. QUESTION What actions tend to follow when you feel like an ATM or a piece of Ass inside your marriage? Point #2: Unplug and Let Go Women understand that men have worked all day yet want them to unplug from work and just be present with the family when they are home. Men feel like their day never ends. They come home from a long day of work and then are expected to be fully present with their wife and children. Garrett: I want to spend time with you, not the stressed-out version of you that’s worrying about cleaning the fucking house right now. I don’t want a fucking checklist of things to clean. I want to be with you. QUESTION What do you do that helps you transition from work to home in becoming present with your spouse and children? Point #3: What’s Your Story? Garrett: There are going to be guys with stay-at-home wives up in arms about this, saying, "What?! Let me get this shit straight. I’m going to go pay somebody to come into my home to clean and do the laundry? That’s the woman’s job. She has to do that. That’s why she’s home!" What if you questioned the story that ‘my wife’s the one that’s supposed to clean and make dinner, and it’s the guy’s job to mow the lawn.’ Who made up these rules anyway? QUESTION What stories are you hanging onto about the different roles of men and women that are hindering your ability to grow together? Point #4: Spend Money to Buy Time Garrett: One of the ways you can use money as a man inside your home and inside of being together as a couple is to use your money in a way that buys the thing for the family that gives them what actually matters: time.  There’s this transition that comes with being willing to spend money to buy time. Danielle: People get emotionally bogged down over the stupidest shit. No matter what role you play in your family (working mom, stay at home mom, community mom) there are all of these little things that could lift the weight off our shoulders, relieving tension and guilt, and freeing up more time to spend with the family…which is  so  worth it to me. QUESTION Where in your life could you make some little adjustments that would free up more time to spend together as a couple or as a family? Point #5: Your Family Is An Investment Garrett: Gentlemen, I’m going to have you consider that the greatest rate of return is to make sure that you stay together as a family. One of the ways to pull this off is to create conditions for your wife to actually have more opportunities. Garrett started looking at their marriage like a business where Danielle became an asset inside of this business. He was willing to hire people to come into their home to free up time so that the family could do more things together. QUESTION How are you investing in our family in terms of  dollars, time and experiences? Communication Challenge: At the end of the day, if your money doesn’t serve you and your marriage and family, then what is the point in having it? Date Night Topic: What are some of the investments you can make regardless of the amount of money you have? How are you going to take some dollars this week to buy some more time for you and your family so that you can have the time and experiences that matter? Quote of the Week: “You tell me where you’re going to get a higher rate of return: money in your 401k plan, or money in a babysitter to watch your children while you take your wife out on a date?” — Garrett J White “Guilt is the #1 destructive thing. It’s the enemy; it does  not  serve you. If you find yourself feeling guilty, ask yourself: How can I let go of this guilt? How can I change this story? Find your balance, find out how to let go of the guilt, and more importantly, learn how to create a story that serves you best.” — Danielle K White