Pillow Talks

• EPISODE 214: The Truth About Being Touch-Starved (Even In A Happy Relationship)

  This week, we’re diving into something that seems simple but holds a lot of power in your relationship: touch. Whether it's a lingering hug, a soft shoulder squeeze, or just holding hands while watching Netflix — physical touch is one of the most important (and underrated) ways to build connection, intimacy, and trust. But if you’ve found yourselves touching less — or if touch feels off somehow — you’re not alone. We asked our audience, and: 47% said they want more touch 37% said they want better touch In this episode, we’re breaking down why touch is so essential — and why so many couples stop doing it. (Spoiler: it's not just about sex.) Plus, we’re giving you practical tools and one super simple free exercise (takes 5 minutes) to start reconnecting through touch today. 💛 Here’s what we’re covering: The emotional and physical benefits of touch (for both of you) Why “touch starvation” is real — even in long-term relationships The surprising ways you may be unintentionally avoiding touch The difference between sexual and non-sexual touch — and why both matter What to do if your partner says “touch just isn’t my love language” Quick, everyday ways to bring more affection into your relationship (no grand gestures required) ✨ Ready to explore all the ways to touch? We created The Secret Touch Blueprint to help you and your partner reflect on what kinds of touch feel best to you — and how to talk about it together. Grab it here → https://free.vmtherapy.com/touch-blueprint And if doing that exercise leaves you thinking, “Wait… I want more of this,” you’ll love what’s coming next. This July, we’re launching a 4-week Sensual Touch Challenge exclusively inside our Deeper membership. It’ll walk you through 8 specific types of touch — from relaxing to arousing — with fun prompts, step-by-step videos, and guided exercises to try with your partner. It’s designed to bring back the playfulness, the exploration, and the kind of touch that makes you feel again. 💥 Pillow Talks listeners get 25% off their first month of Deeper with code PILLOW → https://vmtherapy.com/touch Links & resources: 👋🏻 The Secret Touch Blueprint →https://free.vmtherapy.com/touch-blueprint 💥 Join the Sensual Touch Challenge (starting July 7 inside Deeper) → https://vmtherapy.com/touch Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏 Thanks Cure. Get 20% off your first order. Stay hydrated and feel your best! ➡︎ https://curehydration.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first box of premium, wild-caught seafood. ➡︎ https://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Alloy. Get $20 off your first order today. ➡︎ https://myalloy.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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• EPISODE 213: What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 3 (Doggy Style, Aging, Leg Hair & More!)

  Have you ever wanted a peek inside a man’s brain? 🧠 We’re back with Part 3 of one of our most talked-about episode series — answering all the burning, bizarre, and brutally honest questions you’ve always wanted to ask men. This week, we’re diving into what men really think about everything from doggy style to aging to the internet daddy of the moment, Pedro Pascal. 🎙️ Here’s what we’re getting into: What are men actually looking at during doggy style? What do they think when they see a woman who’s prettier than their partner? Is it true they can literally… think about nothing? How do they feel about things like… Women aging, messy buns, leg hair, and more How do they stay so chill about daily life stuff (kid schedules, groceries, appointments)? What really keeps them engaged in a relationship? This one is honest, funny, and surprisingly vulnerable. And of course, Xander’s not holding back. 🔗 Links & Resources: 🎧 What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 1 ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode56 🎧 What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 2 ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode69 ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Your questions deserve more than just a quick answer. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you actually take the next step — with expert-designed tools, guided content, live sessions with us, and unlimited access to Vanessa AI (your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach). 🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ **https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander** 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Goodwipes. Goodwipes will elevate your everyday hygiene with premium wipes that deliver a superior clean that no dry toilet paper can match. 👏 Thanks ZocDoc. Download the ZocDoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. ➡︎ https://zocdoc.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks 👏Thanks Remi. Give your teeth a break without breaking the bank with Remi and save up to 50%. ➡︎ https://shopremi.com/PILLOW) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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• EPISODE 212: Why You Flinch When Your Partner Touches You (And How To Fix It) "The Bristle Reaction”

  Have you heard of The Bristle Reaction? It’s a term Vanessa coined—and when we posted about it on TikTok, over 8 million people watched. (You can watch that here 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@vanessaandxander/video/7206335375453867306?lang=en) The Bristle Reaction is that moment when your partner reaches out for a hug or a kiss… and your body instinctively recoils. Even when you love your partner deeply, their touch can sometimes create a sense of tension or irritation—and it’s more common than you think. We asked our Instagram audience, and a whopping 84% said they’ve experienced this reaction. But the question we keep hearing is: “How do we fix it?” In this episode, we break down: The 3 biggest reasons The Bristle Reaction happens 6 actionable ways to start enjoying your partner’s touch again Why this topic hits so close to home for so many couples If physical affection has started to feel complicated or triggering, this episode will give you clarity, tools, and hope. 🔗 Links & Resources: 📘 Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life 📝 Initiation 101 Guide ➡️  https://buy.vmtherapy.com/art-of-initiation?ref=podcast-212&utm_term=podcast-212 ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Your questions deserve more than just a quick answer. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you actually take the next step — with expert-designed tools, guided content, live sessions with us, and unlimited access to Vanessa AI (your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach). 🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏 Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair, and skin with Blissy. Get an additional 30% off ➡︎ https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD. 👏Thank you goPure. For a limited time, get 25% off. ➡︎ https://www.gopurebeauty.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks 👏 Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial PLUS 25% off your annual subscription ➡︎ https://dipseastories.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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• EPISODE 211: Ask A Sex Therapist: Penis Pumps, Pegging, + Postpartum Sex

  Ask a sex therapist is back! Have you ever Googled something about sex and then immediately deleted your search history? 🥵 In this week’s episode, Vanessa (a sex therapist with 20+ years of experience) and Xander (her ever-curious, regular dude husband) answer your most personal, pressing, wait-am-I-the-only-one? questions about sex, intimacy, and everything in between. Here’s what we’re diving into: Is it weird if my partner and I don’t kiss during sex? (Pretty Woman, anyone?) What exactly is pegging? Is it normal for other things to be “better than sex”? Can using a penis pump have consequences? Should you get a vasectomy? (Xander’s in the club!) Postpartum sex — what are men really thinking? Can responsive/spontaneous desire be taught? Like can you switch your type? ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Your questions deserve more than just a quick answer. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you actually take the next step — with expert-designed tools, guided content, live sessions with us, and unlimited access to Vanessa AI (your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach). 🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper Resources Mentioned: Ultimate Foreplay Guides 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay Ultimate Sex Guides  👉🏻 https://buy.vmtherapy.com/ultimate-sex-guide?ref=podcast-211&utm_term=podcast-211 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ ⁠https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander⁠ 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 ⁠vmtherapy.com/subscribe⁠ 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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• EPISODE 210: How To Know When Enough Is Enough

  Maybe it’s a gross habit that totally kills the mood… Maybe it’s a bigger issue that leaves you feeling unseen or disconnected… This week, we’re diving into a question we hear all the time: Should I be putting up with this in my relationship? Whether it’s your partner’s lack of ambition, a dead bedroom, constant yelling, or socks in the couch cushions (yep, really) — we’re breaking down how to tell the difference between healthy compromise and straight-up self-betrayal. We’re walking through real stories submitted by our audience and sharing tools to help you: Tune into your own boundaries. Get clear on what’s worth working through. Speak your truth without blowing things up. The difference between patience and people-pleasing. When to accept a quirk vs. when to draw a hard line. How to handle dead bedrooms, defensiveness, and money fights. What to do if your partner’s gross habits are killing your vibe. The truth about “sticking it out” vs. knowing when you’ve had enough. 🎧 Whether you're questioning the little things (like nose-picking 😬) or the big things (like being completely ignored emotionally or sexually), this episode is here to help you figure out your next move. Ready to go Deeper with us? Inside our Deeper membership, you’ll get access to our full library of expert-created resources, including the guides, courses, and coaching tools we wish every couple had. PLUS — instant answers to your most intimate questions via Vanessa AI, your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach (and new bestie). 🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper 🔥Treat your partner to the best f0repl@y they’ve ever had with The Ultimate Foreplay Guides 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.  Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ======================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ======================== 👏Thanks Remi. Give your teeth a break without breaking the bank with Remi and save up to 50%. ➡︎ https://shopremi.com/PILLOW 👏 Thanks Cure. Get 20% off your first order. Stay hydrated and feel your best! ➡︎ https://curehydration.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks 👏Thanks Flure. Being you is sexy! Explore what you like on Flure Dating App ➡︎https://www.flure.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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