Dealing with Feeling

Some kids look "easy" because they're safe and supported. Some kids look "easy" because they learned to scan the room, manage the adults, and keep their real feelings out of the way.
In this episode, Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with therapist and educator Eli Harwood (Attachment Nerd) to talk about what secure attachment actually looks like in real life, especially in the moments that make us uncomfortable. If you've ever wondered why "calm" can be misleading, why certain emotions feel like too much, or why parenting can bring your own childhood rushing back, this conversation will stay with you.
In this conversation:
Why "easy" behavior can be a survival skill
The difference between calming a child and silencing a child
What "earned secure" means, and why it matters if you didn't grow up with steady adults
Why fixing it fast can backfire when what someone needs is closeness
A simple phrase that changes hard moments: "Reach, then receive."
How to stay present with big feelings without minimizing, lecturing, or checking out
What kids learn about emotions by watching what we do with ours
Quote to take with you:
"Take a sip of the feeling. Don't chug it down. The fix can wait. The relationship can't."
About the guest:
Eli Harwood is a licensed therapist, author, educator, and the creator of Attachment Nerd. Her work helps people understand attachment patterns and build more secure relationships with their kids, partners, and themselves.
Connect with Eli Harwood:

Website: https://attachmentnerd.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd
Eli's NEW book: How to Deal with Your ____ So Your Kids Don't Have To
https://www.attachmentnerd.com/books/how-to-deal-with-your-so-your-kids-dont-have-to?offer=pwyc
Connect with Marc Brackett:
Website: https://marcbrackett.com

Instagram: https://instagram.com/marc.brackett
X: https://x.com/drmarcbrackett

Facebook: https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett
LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett
Dr. Marc Brackett's books:
Permission to Feel
Dealing with Feeling
Explore Marc Brackett's work at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, where he serves as founding director, and learn more about RULER, an evidence-based, systemic approach to SEL developed at Yale that supports leaders, educators, students, and families in building emotional intelligence and creating healthier school climates.
A special thank you to the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence for supporting this webcast. Thanks also to Oji Life Lab for their generous support. To develop your skills in leadership, emotional intelligence, and more, visit https://ojilifelab.com or click the link in the description of this episode and use promo code DEALINGWITHFEELINGS to save 25%.

"Feeling like you matter" often gets treated like a nice idea. Something soft. Something optional. In reality, it is a core human need, and when it's missing, the consequences show up everywhere, from disengagement at work to loneliness at home.
Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with journalist and bestselling author Jennifer Breheny Wallace on Dealing With Feeling to talk about what mattering really means, why it's not about ego or achievement, and how everyday interactions quietly shape whether people feel valued and able to add value.
In this conversation:
What researchers actually mean by "mattering," and why it has two essential parts
The SAID framework and how it shows up in daily relationships
Why disengagement is often a sign of pain, not laziness
How life transitions can collapse our sense of mattering, and how to rebuild it
Parenting for healthy mattering without tying worth to performance
Intrinsic vs extrinsic values, and what they do to well-being over time
Why workplaces that ignore mattering struggle with retention and productivity


About the guest:
Jennifer Breheny Wallace is an award-winning journalist and the author of the New York Times bestselling books Never Enough and Mattering. Her work focuses on achievement culture, connection, and how individuals and institutions can build environments where people feel valued and able to add value.
Connect with Jennifer Breheny Wallace:
Website: https://www.jenniferbwallace.com
Connect with Marc Brackett:
Website: https://marcbrackett.com

Instagram: https://instagram.com/marc.brackett
X: https://x.com/drmarcbrackett

Facebook: https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett
LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett
Dr. Marc Brackett's books:
Permission to Feel
Dealing with Feeling
Explore Marc Brackett's work at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, where he serves as founding director, and learn more about RULER, an evidence-based, systemic approach to SEL developed at Yale that supports leaders, educators, students, and families in building emotional intelligence and creating healthier school climates.
A special thank you to the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence for supporting this webcast. Thanks also to Oji Life Lab for their generous support. To develop your skills in leadership, emotional intelligence, and more, visit https://ojilifelab.com or click the link in the description of this episode and use promo code DEALINGWITHFEELINGS to save 25%.

"Be patient" gets treated like a virtue in every system. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it is the line that keeps unfairness in place, because it asks the people carrying the cost to stay quiet so everyone else can stay comfortable.
Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with Dr. Christina "Chris" Cipriano on Dealing With Feeling to talk about what patience looks like when it is wisdom, and what it looks like when it becomes compliance. They also talk about how to interrupt harm without turning it into humiliation.
In this conversation:
When "be patient" supports growth, and when it protects comfort
Why "that's just how we do things" can be one of the most dangerous phrases in any system
Calling people in vs. calling people out, and what each one asks of a leader
What it means to hold urgency and dignity in the same moment
A simple reset you can use when tension spikes and you still have to lead
How to respond when you feel that stomach drop, but you cannot opt out of the room
About the guest:
Dr. Christina "Chris" Cipriano is an Associate Professor at the Yale Child Study Center and the Director of the Education Collaboratory at Yale. She is the author of Be Unapologetically Impatient: The Mindset Required to Change the Way We Do Things.
Connect with Dr. Christina "Chris" Cipriano:
Website: https://www.drchriscip.com
Connect with Marc Brackett:
Website: https://marcbrackett.com

Instagram: https://instagram.com/marc.brackett
X: https://x.com/drmarcbrackett

Facebook: https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett
LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett
Dr. Marc Brackett's books:
Permission to Feel
Dealing with Feeling
Explore Marc Brackett's work at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, where he serves as founding director, and learn more about RULER, an evidence-based, systemic approach to SEL developed at Yale that supports leaders, educators, students, and families in building emotional intelligence and creating healthier school climates.
A special thank you to the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence for supporting this webcast. Thanks also to Oji Life Lab for their generous support. To develop your skills in leadership, emotional intelligence, and more, visit https://ojilifelab.com or click the link in the description of this episode and use promo code DEALINGWITHFEELINGS to save 25%.

We call it "being productive," but for a lot of us it's a nervous system stuck in go mode. Always on. Always bracing. Then someone says "just breathe" and it sounds like a joke.
Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with former NFL wide receiver and mindfulness facilitator Brandon "SOUL COLE" Coleman to talk about what happens when performance mode becomes your identity and stillness starts to feel unsafe.
In this conversation:
The identity crash after injury and why it can trigger anxiety, depression, and shutdown
Why five minutes a day can actually change your patterns if you stick with it
Mindfulness vs. breathwork and why "just breathe" isn't enough
The five senses reset that works for skeptics in under two minutes
Masculinity, vulnerability, and unlearning "tighten up"
What it looks like to plant these skills early for kids and communities
About the guest:
Brandon "SOUL COLE" Coleman is a former NFL wide receiver and mindfulness facilitator who helps people build practical tools for regulation, resilience, and real-life performance.
Connect with SOUL COLE:
Instagram: @b_cole16
SOUL Impact Foundation: https://soulimpactfoundation.org
Connect with Marc Brackett:
Website: https://marcbrackett.com
Instagram: https://instagram.com/marc.brackett
X: https://x.com/drmarcbrackett
Facebook: https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett
LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett
Dr. Marc Brackett's Books:
Permission to Feel
Dealing with Feeling
Explore Marc Brackett's work at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, where he serves as founding director, and learn more about RULER—an evidence-based, systemic approach to SEL developed at Yale that supports leaders, educators, students, and families in building emotional intelligence and creating healthier school climates.
A special thank you to the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence for supporting this webcast. I also want to thank Oji Life Lab for their generous support: https://ojilifelab.com. Oji Life Lab is the leader in mastery-centered learning for the workplace. To develop your skills in leadership, emotional intelligence and more, visit oji life lab dot com or click the link in the description of this video and use the promo code DEALINGWITHFEELINGS to save 25%.

We call it "normal life."
But for most of us, it's a low-grade chronic stress loop.
News alerts. Group chats. Doomscrolling. Constant urgency.
In this episode of Dealing With Feeling, Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with clinical psychologist and author Dr. Elisha Goldstein to explore how tiny emotional shifts can interrupt stress patterns, strengthen relationships, and change the trajectory of our health over time.
This is a conversation about emotional longevity — and what it means to stop living in permanent survival mode.
In this conversation:
Why anxiety is not your identity, but a reinforced loop

How low-grade stress becomes "the water we swim in"

Elisha's 4R method: Recognize, Release, Refocus, Reinforce

Moving from blame into skillful emotional requests in relationships

How small shifts in real moments create long-term change

About the guest:
Dr. Elisha Goldstein is a clinical psychologist, teacher, and author whose work focuses on mindfulness, resilience, and emotional health.
Guest links:
Website: https://elishagoldstein.com
Instagram: https://instagram.com/drelishagoldstein
Connect with Marc Brackett:
Website: https://marcbrackett.com
Instagram: https://instagram.com/marc.brackett
X: https://x.com/drmarcbrackett
Facebook: https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett
LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett
Dr. Marc Brackett's Books
Permission to Feel

Dealing with Feeling

Explore Marc Brackett's work at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, where he serves as founding director, and learn more about RULER—an evidence-based, systemic approach to SEL developed at Yale that supports leaders, educators, students, and families in building emotional intelligence and creating healthier school climates.
A special thank you to the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence for supporting this webcast. I also want to thank Oji Life Lab for their generous support: https://ojilifelab.com. Oji Life Lab is the leader in mastery-centered learning for the workplace. To develop your skills in leadership, emotional intelligence and more, visit oji life lab dot com or click the link in the description of this video and use the promo code DEALINGWITHFEELINGS to save 25%.