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Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

Jen Lumanlan
Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive
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313 episódios

  • Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

    264: Who Really Decided Your Child Needs ADHD Medication?

    27/04/2026 | 45min
    If your child has been diagnosed with ADHD, stimulant medication is probably the first thing their doctor mentioned. And if you're trying to figure out whether it's the right choice for your family, you deserve more than a pamphlet published by a drug company. You deserve the full picture - including what the research really shows, who funded it, and the questions the medical model of ADHD hasn't answered.



    The story most parents get is a tidy one: ADHD is a chronic brain disorder, it's highly heritable, and stimulant medication is the most effective treatment. That story comes mostly from one very influential researcher, Dr. Russell Barkley, and it has shaped how millions of families make medication decisions. 



    But when you look closely, cracks start to appear - in the diagnostic criteria, in the science, and in the financial ties between the researchers who built the medical model and the pharmaceutical companies that profit from it.


    Questions this episode will answer

    What are the DSM-5 criteria for diagnosing ADHD? The DSM-5 requires children to show at least 6 symptoms (5 for adults) that appear "often" across multiple settings. But who decides how often is "often" - and whether a behavior is "inappropriate" - turns out to be deeply shaped by cultural values, not objective measurement.



    Why are ADHD diagnoses increasing? Research shows that school accountability policies like No Child Left Behind drove significant increases in ADHD diagnoses, particularly among low-income children. In some states, diagnosing a child with ADHD could raise a school's average test scores - creating a financial incentive that had nothing to do with the child's actual needs.



    What is Russell Barkley's theory of ADHD? Barkley sees ADHD as a chronic, highly heritable brain disorder rooted in deficits in executive functioning. He compares it to diabetes: a lifelong condition requiring ongoing treatment, primarily with stimulant medication. This episode examines both his framework and the places where his own research contradicts itself.



    Is ADHD overdiagnosed? The evidence suggests yes, in many cases. Diagnosis rates vary by a factor of two to three across U.S. states when there aren’t consistent biological or cultural differences between these states. Many children receive a diagnosis after a 15-minute pediatric visit, not the thorough multi-source evaluation the research actually recommends.



    Is ADHD neurodivergent? Yes - and that framing shapes how a child with ADHD gets supported. The medical model treats ADHD as a brain disorder: something broken that medication needs to fix. A neuroaffirming approach treats it as a difference - and asks whether the environment, not just the child, needs to change. The diagnostic criteria themselves embed specific cultural values about what counts as "appropriate" behavior. Whether your child gets treated as disordered or different depends entirely on which framework their clinician is working from.



    What is actually happening in an ADHD brain? Barkley frames ADHD as a deficit in executive functioning - the brain systems that regulate attention, impulse control, and behavior over time. But the research on whether stimulant medication repairs that brain development is contradictory, and Barkley himself makes both claims in different videos.



    What are the benefits of ADHD medication? Stimulant medication does improve attention and reduce motor activity in the short term - but it does this in everyone's brain, not just in people with ADHD. This episode looks at what medication actually does, what it doesn't do, and what the drug company advertising left out.


    What you'll learn in this episode

    Why the word "often" in every single DSM-5 ADHD criterion creates a diagnosis that depends heavily on who is observing the child - and what cultural standards they're applying
    How the same behaviors in children in Hong Kong were rated far more severely than those of children in the U.K., and what that tells us about what ADHD is actually measuring
    The financial relationships between the most influential ADHD researchers - including Barkley and Dr. Joseph Biederman - and the pharmaceutical companies that make ADHD medications
    Why ADHD diagnosis rates in states like North Carolina and Ohio run two to three times higher than in California and Nevada, and what school accountability policies have to do with it
    The contradiction at the heart of Barkley's medical model: if stimulant medication promotes brain development, why does he say it must be taken for life?
    How drug company ads used Barkley's and Biederman's research to frighten parents into medicating their children - and the FDA’s ineffective response
    Why the scary outcome statistics Barkley cites - including a reduced life expectancy of up to 13 years - don’t tell us much about outcomes for real people with ADHD
    What a neuroaffirming approach to ADHD looks like, and why this episode argues that the most important question isn't how to change the child to fit the environment - it's whether the environment fits the child




    Click here to download the infographic: What You've Been Told About ADHD vs. What the Research Actually Shows



    Jump to highlights:

    01:14 Jen introduces a three-episode arc examining the medical model of ADHD, which positions it as a chronic, highly heritable brain disorder. This first episode covers what ADHD is according to leading researcher Dr. Russell Barkley, how it's diagnosed, problems with diagnosis, and financial conflicts of interest.

    06:37 Kids need six out of nine symptoms, adults need five. Each symptom must occur "often" - but there's no objective measure for what "often" means.

    10:10 Dr. Barkley sees ADHD as a deficit in executive functioning - the ability to self-regulate over time. It breaks down into inhibition (hyperactive-impulsive behavior) and metacognition (inattention symptoms, which he says are misnamed).

    12:37 Dr. Barkley compares ADHD to diabetes, saying it's a chronic condition needing ongoing treatment. Just like you wouldn't expect insulin to cure diabetes, he argues, you shouldn't expect ADHD medication to fix someone's brain so they can stop taking it.

    23:30 Barkley says parents might have legitimate reasons for "non-compliance" with training, like family stress. Training may be discontinued while stress is managed. But kids who don't comply get behavior modification - no understanding or flexibility for them.

    30:45 Barkley has essentially created a new diagnostic category called Sluggish Cognitive Tempo (marked by daydreaming, lethargy, slowed thinking) even though it's never been recognized by the Psychiatric Association.

    35:44 Barkley presents data showing males with ADHD have a life expectancy 6.8 years less than the general population, females 8.6 years less. That's on par with smoking. Outcomes include lower education and income, more substance use, higher suicide rates (three times higher), more accidents, higher obesity and diabetes rates, and higher cardiovascular disease.

    43:01 Wrapping up the discussion
  • Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

    263: What’s Really Behind Your Child’s End-of-Day Meltdowns

    20/04/2026 | 20min
    If your child holds it together all day at preschool or daycare and then completely unravels the moment they get home - melting down over dinner, refusing to use the potty, making every transition a battle - you're watching afterschool restraint collapse in action. It's exhausting. And it can bring up some painful feelings for parents too, including wondering whether your presence is making things harder, not easier.



    In this coaching call I worked with Kathleen, parent of a three-year-old who just started full-time preschool. By the end of every day, her daughter is struggling with dinner, potty time, bath, and bedtime - and Kathleen can't figure out whether to offer more structure or less, more connection or more space. If your child is having a hard time in the evenings and you don’t know how to help, this episode is for you.


    Questions This Episode Will Answer

    What are the symptoms of afterschool restraint collapse? After a full day of holding it together in a structured environment, many kids hit a wall when they get home. You might see meltdowns over small things, refusal to eat, resistance to transitions like bath or bedtime, or a child who seems to want you desperately but also can't settle when you're there.



    Why do some kids struggle with transitions at the end of the day? When a child's capacity is low - from tiredness, hunger, or being away from you all day - even simple transitions take more than they have left. It’s similar to how we might be a little more ‘snappy’ in the evening when we’re tired than in the morning when we have a bit more capacity.



    Why is my 3 year old refusing to eat dinner? For kids in full-time daycare or preschool, the need for connection with a parent can be so strong by dinnertime that eating takes a back seat. Sitting with you matters more than the food on the plate.  And even though the child might be physically capable of feeding themselves, the effort required to coordinate food onto a fork or spoon and into the mouth is just too much for them.



    Why is my child resisting bedtime? Bedtime resistance often isn't about sleep. When a child has spent the whole day apart from you, the end of the day becomes a place where unmet needs pile up. Addressing what's underneath the resistance is more effective than trying to manage the behavior itself.



    How do I support a child who struggles with transitions? This episode covers a concrete first step that addresses one of the most common unmet needs in young children - and why starting there tends to make a wide range of struggles easier.



    What is an example of a child seeking autonomy? When a child insists on choosing "the wrong option" or refuses what you've offered, they may need autonomy - especially if they spend most of their day in an environment where they have very little say. This episode explains the difference between offering choices and providing real autonomy, and why it matters.



    How long does afterschool restraint collapse last? It depends on what's driving the restraint collapse - and this episode helps you figure that out. When you address the underlying needs rather than just the surface behavior, many parents find the struggles shift faster than they expected.


    What You'll Learn in This Episode

    Why full-time daycare or preschool can leave children with almost no capacity left by the end of the day - and how that shows up in their behavior
    How afterschool restraint collapse connects to a child's need for connection, and why your presence can make things harder even when your child desperately wants you there
    Why mealtime battles, potty training resistance, and bedtime resistance often share the same root cause
    What consistent Special Time is, how to build it into a busy evening, and why it functions as a kind of "differential diagnosis" for end-of-day struggles
    How to provide real autonomy to a preschooler - including why the choices you're already offering might not be meeting their need at all
    What play schemas are, and how knowing your child's schema can make it easier to keep both kids occupied when you only have two hands
    How to talk about feelings and needs with a child who won't engage when they’re already feeling overwhelmed




    If this episode resonated - especially the part about evenings seeming relentless no matter what you try - the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits live workshop will help you.



    A big part of what makes end-of-day struggles so draining is that kids who have spent all day in environments with little say over what happens come home with almost nothing left for the limits we set. 



    This workshop helps you figure out which limits are truly necessary, which ones can soften or disappear, and how to hold the ones that matter in a way your child's nervous system can actually work with.



    You get eight short lessons delivered by email over eight days, plus three live group coaching calls where you can bring your real situations and get support.



    If you're ready to stop repeating yourself and start holding fewer, clearer limits that your child can actually live with, come join us.



    Click the banner to sign up.







    Jump to highlights:

    01:36 Introduction to today’s episode.

    03:18 An open invitation to join the free Beyond the Behavior coaching call.

    08:04 Full-time preschool can be really tiring for kids because their capacity is super low at the end of the day. Plus, she's spending much less time with mom than before, so connection is more important now.

    09:15 Jen explains that special time addresses a core need for young kids so effectively. When you consistently meet the need for connection, many other struggles get easier.

    09:58 Some kids want an immediate connection after school; others need mental space first.

    14:20 The more you talk in feelings-and-needs language, the more your kid will start identifying their own needs.

    16:12 A schema is a repeated pattern of play. When you propose an activity based on the child's schema, they're going to be excited about it because you're seeing what they're really interested in and giving them a chance to do the thing they love.

    19:11 The main insight of the episode.
  • Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

    262: How Limits Show Up in Your Child’s Body

    13/04/2026 | 37min
    If your morning routine for preschool looks less like a smooth routine and more like 21 rounds of "no", "stop", and "not like that" before 8 am, then things aren’t working well for either of you.



    In this episode, we walk through one ordinary preschool morning minute by minute, from the cereal bowl to the car seat buckle.



    We also learn how to move from: "how do I get my child to cooperate" to: what is going on inside my child's body right now, and what are they trying to communicate through the flopping, dawdling, silliness, and defiance?



    Because when you understand that, you can find strategies that meet both of your needs.


    Questions This Episode Will Answer

    Why is my child so difficult in the morning? Preschoolers live almost entirely in the present moment and learn through movement and touch. When a morning is filled with a steady stream of corrections, their nervous system experiences it as "everything I do is wrong" - and the silliness, defiance, or shutdown you see is their body's response to that overload.



    Why is my child grumpy in the morning? It's often less about the time of day and more about the cumulative weight of limits. When children experience correction after correction with little room for exploration or connection, grumpiness and shutdown are common signals that their needs aren't being met.



    Why do kids dilly-dally and dawdle in the morning? What looks like dawdling is often a child following genuine curiosity, moving their body the way it wants to go, or trying to connect with you before the day pulls you apart.



    What is meant by "behavior is communication"? Preschoolers don't yet have the words to say "this is too much for me" or "I need to feel close to you right now". So they show you with their bodies. Finger-stirring cereal, flopping on the floor, asking to be carried - each of these is a message, if you know how to listen for it. When you understand that message you can help them meet their need - which also meets your needs for peace, ease, and order.



    Is misbehavior an unmet need? Often, yes. When you look beneath challenging behaviors in young children, you frequently find unmet needs for things like autonomy, movement, connection, or play. The behavior is a signal pointing you toward what your child actually needs. If you want to find out your child’s biggest need (and easy, actionable strategies to meet it that make your life easier), take this free quiz.



    What are some reasons children misbehave? In early childhood, most challenging behavior traces back to a mismatch between a child's developmental capacity and what's being asked of them, combined with needs they’re trying to meet in ways you’re finding irritating.



    Preschoolers aren't misbehaving to make your life harder. They don’t know how else to meet their needs.


    What You'll Learn in This Episode

    How to walk through a typical preschool morning routine and see it through your child's eyes, moment by moment
    What your child's most frustrating behaviors (flopping, dawdling, silliness, defiance) are often communicating about their needs
    Why the total number of corrections across a morning matters as much as any single limit you set
    What your needs are in the morning routine, and why they are just as valid as your child's needs
    How it’s possible to meet your needs AND your child’s needs
    How to start moving toward fewer, clearer limits that your preschooler's nervous system can actually work with
    What the research on parent-child interaction patterns tells us about where repeated correction leads over time
    How parents who grew up in homes with heavy compliance expectations describe the long-term effects on themselves and their own parenting


    To help you put the ideas from this episode into practice, I've created a free worksheet: Your Difficult Morning Audit. You'll count your corrections, sort them, and start to see which limits are truly necessary - and which ones are habit.



    Get The Morning Audit Worksheet For Free



    If you thought "that's my kid" or "that's our mornings" - the Setting Loving (& Effective) Limits workshop is for you.



    Learn how to see how many limits you're actually setting, sort them into what's truly necessary and what can soften or disappear, and practice holding fewer, clearer limits in a way your child's nervous system can actually handle.



    You get short focused modules, three live group coaching calls where you can bring your real situations, and a community of parents working through the same things.



    If you're ready to move from correction-heavy mornings to fewer, truer limits your preschooler can actually live with, come join us in the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop.



    Click the banner to learn more.







    Jump to highlights:

    01:27 Introduction to today’s episode

    05:48 The behavior isn't defiance - it's communication about their needs.

    08:21 Young children live in the present moment and learn through movement and repetition rather than explanations.

    10:45 You're not the villain for wanting things to go smoothly. Getting out the door, you need to meet your responsibility to co-workers while staying connected to your kid.

    13:58 Your child needs connection, autonomy, movement, exploration, play, and fun. You need ease, harmony, collaboration, and responsibility to others.

    16:45 The Gottman research on couples suggests we need about five positive interactions for every negative one to stay connected.

    18:43 As a young child, Crystal learned to read the room constantly. As a teenager, she rebelled hard and ended up heavily involved in drugs and alcohol.

    30:38 Wrapping up the discussion.

    31:40 An open invitation to Setting Loving (&Effective) Limits workshop.
  • Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

    261: Why Your Kids Fight (It’s Not What You Think)

    30/03/2026 | 22min
    If your kids are fighting constantly, you're probably exhausted from playing referee. Maybe they're arguing over whose toy is whose, poking and teasing each other until someone cries, or telling you two completely different stories about what happened. And when you step in to help, nothing seems to work.

    In this free Beyond the Behavior group coaching call, parent Stacey’s 12-year-old and 7-year-old are caught in a cycle of constant sibling conflict - poking, teasing, hitting, and yes, even lying to get each other in trouble. 

    We might think that sibling fighting is about mean-ness, but actually it’s a signal of underlying needs.  Once you understand what's driving the behavior, you'll have real tools to help your kids work through conflict - and a process for helping them find solutions that work for both of them.




    Click here to download the Steps on How to Stop Sibling Conflict Infographic



    Questions This Episode Will Answer

    Is sibling fighting normal? 

    Some conflict between siblings is common, but constant fighting - where nothing you try seems to work - is usually a signal that your child is trying to meet a specific need. Once you know what it is, it will be much easier to find a strategy that works for both of you.



    What causes siblings to fight so much? 

    The reason kids fight is often not what it looks like on the surface. Common needs children are trying to meet through fighting include:
    Connection with a parent (when they hit a sibling, they know they have your attention!)
    To be seen/known/understood by you, and they don’t know how to express that, and they take out their frustration on their sibling
    To play!  A surprising number of kids will hit another kid to say: “Will you play with me?”




    What are the most common triggers for sibling fights? 

    Most sibling fights start with an immediate need to play, a need for connection with you (and fighting with their sibling gets your attention) or a broader lack of wellbeing in the family that they express through hitting and fighting.



    Is it okay to let siblings work it out themselves? 

    Stepping back feels logical when nothing you do helps. But kids may think that you don’t care whether or how they fight, which doesn’t lead them to fight less.

    Instead, spending some time teaching them some new conflict resolution skills now will save you from years of refereeing their fighting down the road.



    How do you get siblings to stop hitting each other? 

    Sibling hitting is almost never just about aggression. There's usually something else going on underneath it - very often needs for things like connection, to be seen, known, and understood by you, and maybe even play with their sibling. Addressing those needs changes the behavior far more effectively than consequences do.  You can do this by:
    Connecting 1:1 for 10 minutes a day, doing something your child enjoys
    Understanding the major challenges they’re facing (e.g. school, new sibling, other major life changes) and supporting them through those challenges
    Teaching kids how to say: “Do you want to play?” and “Yes!”, “Not right now, but maybe later” and “No thanks!”.




    How do you handle it when siblings lie about who started the fight? 

    When both kids are telling different stories, trying to figure out who's right pulls you into a dead end. Instead of investigating the past, shift your focus to what each child needed in that moment - and how to help them get it in a way that works for both of them.



    How do you resolve sibling conflict without refereeing every fight? 

    You can teach kids a specific process to stop their fights: name their feelings, identify what they need in that moment, and then brainstorm strategies that could meet both people's needs. Parents can teach this by practicing it in low-stakes moments first - not in the middle of a fight.



    How do you get siblings to stop tattling? 

    Tattling usually happens when a child wants a parent to take their side. When kids learn to identify what they need in a conflict and how to ask for it directly, the motivation to tattle drops - because they have a more effective way to get their needs met.


    What You'll Learn in This Episode

    Why sibling fighting is often a bid for connection - and why that reframe matters for how you respond
    Why one child hitting another can actually be an attempt to play, not a sign of aggression
    What it means to make a "bid for connection", and how to help both the child making the bid and the one receiving it
    Why stepping back and letting kids handle conflict themselves can backfire - and what needs to be in place before that becomes a realistic option
    How to use feelings and needs language as a conflict resolution tool - and why starting with low-stakes moments between you and your child (not between the kids) is the most effective first step
    Why special one-on-one time with each child plays a bigger role in sibling conflict than most parents realize
    How to work with kids who shut down and won't talk - including non-verbal ways to stay connected in a hard moment
    A practical way to help even young children start solving conflicts together - including a real example of a 3-year-old and 5-year-old doing exactly that within weeks of their parents starting this approach




    Jump to highlights:

    01:48 Introduction to today’s episode

    03:42 Parent Stacey shares the situation wherein her 12-year-old and 7-year-old are constantly fighting, poking, and teasing. Both kids have admitted to lying about what happened because they want to get each other in trouble.

    06:03 Conflicts often start over objects, but attention, specifically connection, is the real driver behind much of the fighting.

    06:39 Jen explains how we can shift from the negative connotation of "attention-seeking" to understanding it as kids looking for connection with each other and with parents.

    10:58 Jen helps Stacey think about when one-on-one time could happen, like during drives to sports practice, and how to balance everyone's needs, including the parents' needs for rest and couple time.

    12:45 What's missing is a real understanding of what needs are coming up for each person in their interactions.

    17:43 Kids try to meet the same needs over and over. Connection and autonomy are almost always in the top three.

    20:13 Wrapping up.

    20:33 An open invitation to join the next Beyond the Behavior call.

    20:40 An open invitation to the flash sale on one-on-one coaching until April 5.
  • Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

    260: How the World’s Toxic Systems Live Inside Our Parenting

    09/03/2026 | 44min
    If you've been watching the news and feeling despair because you can’t do anything about it, this episode is for you.

    The Epstein files, revealing how powerful men think about, talk about, and treat women.

    ICE raids tearing families apart.

    Strikes on Iranian cities - and schools full of children!

    In this episode, I make a direct connection between these social issues and what happens inside our homes every day.

    The patterns playing out on a global scale - where the person with more power decides whose feelings count - show up in our families too, often in moments we don't even notice, and that seem like they’re about discipline. The decisions we make in those moments are quietly teaching our kids lessons we may not intend to pass on.
    Questions this episode will answer

    What do ICE raids have to do with parenting? When children watch some families live in fear of being separated while others are basically safe by default, they learn that some people's safety matters more than others. That same lesson can show up at home when we use our power as parents to override our kids' feelings and needs.

    Why is it important to teach kids about consent? Research shows that girls start shifting from seeing their body as something that helps them do things to seeing it as something to be judged - often earlier than we realize. Teaching consent starts long before those conversations about sex. It starts when we stop forcing our children to accept hugs and give kisses they don’t want from well-meaning relatives.

    How do you explain consent to children? Consent is about whose body, feelings, and needs matter most. When we override our child's no - even in small everyday moments - we teach them that the person with more power wins. This episode explores what it looks like to do things differently.

    How do the Iran strikes connect to how we raise our kids? When leaders frame bombing cities where children live as "protecting freedom", they're using the same logic many of us heard growing up: that hurting someone with less power is justified when the person with more power decides it's for a good reason. This episode traces that logic from foreign policy all the way back to the family dinner table.

    What does it mean that we're all part of the system - not just the people doing obvious harm? It's easy to point to the person at the center causing the most visible damage. But around that person are rings of people who actively enable them, then people who know and look away, and then the rest of us - making decisions every day in our families and communities that make it more or less likely that people with power can keep using it. This episode explains what that outermost ring looks like in ordinary family life, and what it means to resist it from there.
    What you'll learn in this episode

    Why the same power dynamics driving ICE raids, the Epstein files, and the Iran strikes also show up in everyday parenting moments
    How the language our leaders use about migrants, women, and foreign countries shapes what our kids quietly absorb about whose lives matter
    What research tells us about how girls experience the shift from body ownership to body judgment - and what parents can do to slow that shift down
    Why the parents who explode when their kids say no are often people who were never allowed to say no themselves
    How using power to manage our kids' behavior in stressful moments teaches the same lesson as the biggest injustices in the news - just on a smaller scale
    What it looks like to build a home where your child's feelings and needs count - even when you're overwhelmed


    Taming Your Triggers

    If you recognized yourself anywhere in this episode - if you know that when the poop hits the fan you fall back on power because you don't know what else to do - that's exactly what we work on in my Taming Your Triggers workshop.

    In the workshop, we go deep on why you get triggered, what you actually need in those moments, and how to build a different response from the inside out - so you're not just white-knuckling it through the hard moments anymore.

    Click the banner to learn more.



    Jump to highlights:

    00:44 Jen explains she's pulling back the curtain on how bigger social systems like racism, sexism, and power dynamics connect directly to our parenting decisions and our children's development.

    02:51 Listeners said social systems have nothing to do with parenting, but the stress of staying silent was literally showing up in her body.

    04:00 How bad actors at the center are enabled by people who actively support them, people who know but ignore it, and the rest of us who make daily decisions that either challenge or reinforce these power structures.

    06:43 When we use power over our kids in everyday moments like getting them to eat vegetables or put on shoes, we're teaching them who has power and who doesn't, normalizing the idea that more powerful people can and should control weaker people.

    07:03 How powerful men treat girls' and women's bodies as disposable, and the whole system backs them up. This isn't unique - it's a pattern where online harassment and threats silence women who put ideas and opinions into the world.

    11:31 When we try to be thinner for the male gaze, watch movies where the point is getting married to a guy, or don't discuss with our kids how all the girls in books end up partnered, we're part of creating an environment where girls see their bodies as objects to be judged rather than tools to do things.

    18:23 Our children are learning that some families are always on the edge of being torn apart, while others are safe by default, and this same pattern shows up at home when we use power because we're overwhelmed.

    22:47 The message our children hear is that it can be acceptable to kill some people's children to keep our children safe; their children's bodies are less valuable than our children's bodies.

    29:18 If we live without violence, we're outsourcing our conflict to unseen powers and detonating it elsewhere. The invisible privilege of our peaceful existence is actually an act of violence carried out by people in the global south, people in ghettos, and economically marginalized people in prisons.

    30:42 If our homes look calm because our kids have learned to shut down and stop bringing us hard truths, that's not real peace; the conflict has just gone underground into our children's bodies, where they've learned to stuff down their needs for connection, autonomy, and boisterous play.

    33:40 Whether we talk to our kids about these issues matters less than how we are with them. They remember what we do more than what we say. If we use power over them in daily moments, we're creating the conditions where all that other stuff can happen in the world.

    36:38 Parents in the Taming Your Triggers workshop share how understanding needs, widening their window of tolerance, and creating a pause between behavior and response helps them stay regulated instead of outsourcing their overwhelm to their children.

    41:50 An open invitation to join the Taming Your Triggers workshop

    References:

    Carmo, A. (2025, November 20). AI and anonymity fuel surge in digital violence against women. UN News. https://news.un.org/en/story/2025/11/1166411

    National Organization for Women. (2025, March 5). One in four American women face online harassment: 69% of women believe current laws to protect them are insufficient. https://now.org/media-center/press-release/one-in-four-american-women-face-online-harassment-69-of-women-believe-current-laws-to-protect-them-are-insufficient/

    Rice, E., Gibbs, J., Winetrobe, H., & Rhoades, H. (2014). Tweens and teens who receive sexts are 6 times more likely to report having had sex [Press release]. USC Today. https://today.usc.edu/tweens-and-teens-who-receive-sexts-are-6-times-more-likely-to-report-having-had-sex/

    Spencer, T. (2024, July 1). Newly released Epstein transcripts: Florida prosecutors knew billionaire raped teen girls years before cutting deal. PBS NewsHour. https://www.pbs.org/newshour/nation/newly-released-epstein-transcript-florida-prosecutors-knew-billionaire-raped-teen-girls-years-before-cutting-deal

    Wihbey, J., & Kille, L. W. (2015, July 13). Internet harassment and online threats targeting women: Research review. The Journalist's Resource. https://journalistsresource.org/criminal-justice/internet-harassment-online-threats-targeting-women-research-review/...

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Sobre Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

Parenting is hard…but does it have to be this hard? Wouldn’t it be better if your kids would stop pressing your buttons quite as often, and if there was a little more of you to go around (with maybe even some left over for yourself)? On the Your Parenting Mojo podcast, Jen Lumanlan M.S., M.Ed explores academic research on parenting and child development. But she doesn’t just tell you the results of the latest study - she interviews researchers at the top of their fields, and puts current information in the context of the decades of work that have come before it. An average episode reviews ~30 peer-reviewed sources, and analyzes how the research fits into our culture and values - she does all the work, so you don’t have to! Jen is the author of Parenting Beyond Power: How to Use Connection & Collaboration to Transform Your Family - and the World (Sasquatch/Penguin Random House). The podcast draws on the ideas from the book to give you practical, realistic strategies to get beyond today’s whack-a-mole of issues. Your Parenting Mojo also offers workshops and memberships to give you more support in implementing the ideas you hear on the show. The single idea that underlies all of the episodes is that our behavior is our best attempt to meet our needs. Your Parenting Mojo will help you to see through the confusing messages your child’s behavior is sending so you can parent with confidence: You’ll go from: “I don’t want to yell at you!” to “I’ve got a plan.” New episodes are released every other week - there's content for parents who have a baby on the way through kids of middle school age. Start listening now by exploring the rich library of episodes on meltdowns, sibling conflicts, parental burnout, screen time, eating vegetables, communication with your child - and your partner… and much much more!
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