Office Hours with Arthur Brooks

Most of us know that we should set goals, but there is a lot of confusion about why they matter and how to choose them well.
In this episode of Office Hours, I reflect on the difference between meaning and purpose, and on how the goals we pursue quietly shape the direction of our lives. I talk about why some goals leave us feeling empty even when we achieve them, and what it means to aim our lives toward something that truly matters.
My hope is that this episode invites you to pause, think about your goals in life, and consider whether the path you are on is leading you where you want to go.
—
Brought to you by:
• ⁠David Protein⁠—The most effective portable protein on the planet ⁠http://www.davidprotein.com/arthur⁠
—
Where to find Arthur Brooks: 
• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://x.com/arthurbrooks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• LinkedIn: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
—
Timestamps:
(00:00) Intro
(05:00) The three components of meaning
(08:14) Big goals, and why most of us are not Mother Teresa
(09:55) Proxy goals, and how they can lead us to feel more purpose
(13:16) Jung’s philosophy on good goals 
(14:42) An extrinsic motivation 
(17:20) Intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation
(19:14) Goals based in avoidance 
(21:34) Positional goals 
(24:33) Focus on love, not things
(28:15) Listen to the small voice 
(31:40) Enjoy the happy journey
(34:08) Stay flexible
(37:09) Q&A: Fasting vs. a heavy protein breakfast 
(38:17) Q&A: How to teach your children to be happier 
(39:44) Q&A: Navigating a big transition
—
Referenced:
• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: https://www.amazon.com/Meaning-Your-Life-Finding-Emptiness/dp/0593545427
• The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale 
• The Three Macronutrients of Happiness, and How to Measure Yours: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/podcast/the-three-macronutrients-of-happiness-and-how-to-measure-yours 
• The why to bear any how: Goal self-concordance, meaning, and depressive and anxious symptomatology: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2024-69173-001 
• Intrinsic and extrinsic motivation from a self-determination theory perspective: Definitions, theory, practices, and future directions: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0361476X20300254
• Effects of externally mediated rewards on intrinsic motivation: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1971-22190-001   
• Evaluation of the Happiness Through Goal-Setting Training: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35084260 
• Compared to whom? Inequality, social comparison, and happiness in the United States: https://research.manchester.ac.uk/en/publications/compared-to-whom-inequality-social-comparison-and-happiness-in-th 
• The Confessions of St. Augustine: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/3296/3296-h/3296-h.htm 
• Monkey see, monkey do: Model behavior in early childhood: https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/monkey_see_monkey_do_model_behavior_in_early_childhood
• ...References continued at: ⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours⁠
—
Production and marketing by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://penname.co/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Most people don’t get hurt in relationships because they’re weak. They get hurt because they’re kind, trusting, and fall too quickly for the wrong kind of person.In this clip, I explain the Dark Triad personality traits: Narcissism, Machiavellianism, and Psychopathy, and why they’re so destructive in romantic relationships.If you’ve ever wondered why you ignored the red flags, or how to spot them next time, this is for you.If you're curious about your Dark Triad traits and tendencies, I've created a new, free Dark Triad test that asks 27 questions that test your levels of Narcissism, Machiavellianism, and Psychopathy. Take it here: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/quiz/darktriadYou’ll learn:• The 9 early warning signs of a dark triad personality.• Why some people seem incredibly charming at first — and how they weaponize empathy.• How the brain chemistry of “falling in love” makes you vulnerable to manipulation.• A psychological defense plan to recognize and protect yourself from emotional predators.Connect and Subscribe:Website: https://arthurbrooks.com/Newsletter: https://arthurbrooks.com/newsletterX (Twitter): https://x.com/arthurbrooksInstagram: https://instagram.com/arthurcbrooksFacebook: https://facebook.com/arthurbrooksYouTube: @drarthurbrooksLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/Email: [email protected]/Further Reading: • The Dark Triad of Personality: Narcissism, Machiavellianism, and Psychopathy: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886911003477 • Dark Triad Traits and Relationship Dissolution: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886917303720 • Scott Barry Kaufman – The Light Triad and Humanism: https://scottbarrykaufman.com/

Most people think emotions happen to them. In reality, emotions are signals—and you can learn to manage them.
In this clip, I break down how emotions move from the limbic system, where they’re generated, to the prefrontal cortex, where you can interpret, direct, and act on them wisely. This is the difference between being controlled by your emotions and learning to control them. You’ll learn why “counting to ten” actually works (and why 30 seconds is even better), how metacognition gives your thinking brain time to catch up with your feeling brain, and how simple practices like journaling, contemplation, and emotional documentation physically change how your brain processes stress, fear, and anger. We also explore how modern life keeps your amygdala constantly activated, turning natural episodic fear into chronic anxiety, and how to reverse that by turning vague anxiety back into clear, manageable fear using structured writing techniques.

Website: https://arthurbrooks.com/
Pre-order My New Book: https://TheMeaningOfYourLife.com
Newsletter: https://arthurbrooks.com/newsletter
X (Twitter): https://x.com/arthurbrooks
Instagram: https://instagram.com/arthurcbrooks
Facebook: https://facebook.com/arthurbrooks
YouTube: @drarthurbrooks
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/
Email: [email protected]

Why do we care so much about what other people think of us?
In this episode of Office Hours, I explain the science behind why concern about others’ opinions is so powerful in the first place. I talk about the two reasons we are wired to care what people think, how our brains treat social judgment as a real threat, and why this fear can quietly shape our choices, our behavior, and even our sense of self.
Once we understand what is happening in our minds and bodies, we can start to loosen its grip. I share three ways to break out of this pattern and begin caring less about other people’s opinions, not by ignoring them entirely, but by relating to them more wisely. My hope is that these ideas help you move with more freedom, show up more authentically, and live with less unnecessary fear of being judged.
—
Where to find Arthur Brooks: 
• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://x.com/arthurbrooks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• LinkedIn: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
—
Timestamps:
(00:00) Intro
(03:20) The two reasons you care what others think about you
(13:53) BIS and BAS: why fear of judgment can keep you stuck
(19:00) The role of shame and when it turns destructive 
(23:46) Way #1: No one cares
(27:05) Way #2: Rebel against your shame
(30:42) Way #3: Don’t judge, and you will not be judged
(34:01) Recap of the 3 ways to stop caring so much about what others think of you
(35:06) Q&A: Helping someone regulate emotions during conflict
(38:53) Q&A: Adapting the morning protocol for late or irregular schedules
(40:06) Q&A: What we know about cold therapy and depression
—
Referenced:
• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: https://www.amazon.com/Meaning-Your-Life-Finding-Emptiness/dp/0593545427
• The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale 
• The sociopaths among us: How to spot (and avoid) a Dark Triad: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/podcast/the-sociopaths-among-us-how-to-spot-and-avoid-a-dark-triad 
• Meditations by Marcus Aurelius: https://vreeman.com/meditations 
• Intellectual Trust in Oneself and Others: https://www.amazon.com/Intellectual-Oneself-Cambridge-Studies-Philosophy/dp/0521793
• ...References continued at: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours
—
Production and marketing by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://penname.co/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

In this episode of Office Hours, I sit down with my friend Hoda Kotb and talk about how we meet change when it shows up uninvited. Hoda has lived through transitions that resist simple narratives. Early rejection in her career. Public reinvention. Serious illness. Grief. Becoming a parent later in life. Each chapter forced a decision about how to move forward when there were no clear answers.
Hoda is known to millions as the longtime co-anchor of NBC’s Today Show and as the host of Making Space. In our conversation, those titles matter less than the life behind them. What connects us to Hoda’s story is not her achievements, but the ordinary human moments that shaped her values and continue to guide her choices. I hope this conversation leaves you not only inspired by Hoda’s life but also more willing to meet your own with honesty, courage, and care.
—
Brought to you by:
• David Protein—The most effective portable protein on the planet http://www.davidprotein.com/arthur ⁠
—
Where to find Hoda Kotb:
• X: https://x.com/hodakotb 
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hodakotb 
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HodaKotb
• Website: https://www.hodakotb.com  
• Podcast: https://www.today.com/podcasts/making-space
Where to find Arthur Brooks: 
• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://x.com/arthurbrooks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• LinkedIn: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
—
Timestamps:
(00:00) Intro
(03:22) Introducing Hoda Kotb
(06:03) Hoda’s origin story as a first-generation American
(07:27) The inspiration Hoda gets from her mother 
(08:48) Hoda’s mother’s journey with grief and what it teaches her
(11:23) Lesson #1: Reframe tragedy as opportunity
(16:25) Lesson #2: Turn constraints into decisions
(27:25) Lesson #3: Persistence creates destiny
(31:44) Lesson #4: Keep learning
(32:40) Hoda’s breast cancer journey
(37:55) Lesson #5: Your suffering is your strength
(40:39) How Hoda became a parent at 52
(46:42) Lesson #6: Choose love
(52:20) Lesson #7: Choose a new tree
(58:50) Lesson #8: You’re in charge
(59:05) A quick recap of the eight lessons
—
Referenced:
• Jump and Find Joy: Embracing Change in Every Season of Life: https://www.amazon.com/Jump-Find-Joy-Embracing-Change/dp/B0DZ5BVKH8 
• Joy 101: https://www.joy101.com 
• Joy 101 2026 retreat: https://www.joy101.com/spring-retreat-2026⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
—
Production and marketing by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://penname.co/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.