Office Hours with Arthur Brooks

Dante had a particularly gruesome punishment for the envious: their eyes were wired shut. In this episode of Office Hours, I explore why envy is such a powerful happiness killer—and how to stop feeding it in your own life.
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Where to find Arthur Brooks: 
• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• In-person Retreats: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://retreats.arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
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Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
7:15 Dante’s Divine Comedy
11:56 Definition of envy and its purpose
18:46 Benign and malicious envy
24:13 The effects on the brain when you’re feeling envy
28:30 What people envy
33:25 5 ways to be less envious and much happier
45:06 Q&A: Four classic temperaments
46:34 Q&A: Developing your PhD research question
48:40 Q&A: Romantic love: addiction or happiness?
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Referenced:
• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-of-your-life 
• Arthur’s newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter 
• The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale
• Dante’s Purgatorio, Canto 13: http://dantelab.dartmouth.edu/reader?reader%5Bcantica%5D=2&reader%5Bcanto%5D=13
• Josef Epstein. Envy: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00VQVKUPC?lv=shuf&channelId=500&plpRedirect=mhFallback 
•Envy: An Adversarial Review and Comparison of Two Competing Views: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1754073919873131
•The Role of Subjective and Objective Social Status in the Generation of Envy: https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.513495/full
•When your gain is my pain and your pain is my gain: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19213918/ 
•Is envy harmful to a society's psychological health and wellbeing?: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29316510/ 
•Envy: Functional specificity and sex-differentiated design features: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2012-11291-001 
•What to Do When Social Media Inspires Envy: https://daily.jstor.org/what-to-do-when-social-media-inspires-envy/ 
•Mitigating malicious envy: Why successful individuals should reveal their failures: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2019-11196-001 
•How gratitude inhibits envy: From the perspective of positive psychology: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33300284/ 
•Bragging and humblebragging in online reviews: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0160738319302063?casa_token=2WdCSNbKzdQAAAAA:2PlvLLvja-2c9_454Rnb8h9GB55Kt0Rg3A1pY7XpBxksabWaNZBsbdjbnay4DhKlrJXhk-aEow 
• ...References continued at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
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If you’re an introvert, you might not like what the research has to say: Extroverts tend to be happier. But before you start striking up conversations with strangers in the elevator, there’s more to the story. 
In this episode of Office Hours, I explore how your personality might shape your happiness, what introverts and extroverts can learn from each other, and why understanding your natural tendencies can help you cultivate habits towards a more connected and, therefore, happier life.
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⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠—
Where to find Arthur Brooks: 
• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
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—
Timestamps:
(00:00) Intro
(09:00) Personality traits and genetics
(10:47) Jung’s work on personality
(12:54) The Big Five personality traits (OCEAN)
(20:55) Eysenck’s theories on introversion and extroversion
(23:26) Why extroverts tend to have a happiness advantage
(32:02) What introverts can learn from extroverts
(38:44) What extroverts can learn from introverts
(43:04) Happiness homework for introverts and extroverts
(45:01) Q&A: Budgeting, vacations, and happiness 
(47:02) Q&A: Dealing with romantic failure 
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Referenced:
• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: themeaningofyourlife.com
• Meaning Membership: https://hub.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-membership 
• Arthur’s newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter 
• The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale
• The development of markers for the Big-Five factor structure: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1992-25730-001
• Carl Jung: https://www.thesap.org.uk/articles-on-jungian-psychology-2/carl-gustav-jung/ 
• Extraversion and happiness: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1991-12567-001
• Intelligence assessment: a theoretical and experimental approach: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/5341403
• Happiness, introversion-extraversion and happy introverts: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232553189_Happiness_introversion-extraversion_and_happy_introverts
• Hans Eysenck's interface between the brain and personality: Modern evidence on the cognitive neuroscience of personality: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886916302628
• ...References continued at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
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Why do so many people drift from faith in early adulthood, only to feel drawn back to it later in life? 
In this episode of Office Hours, I explore the Hindu concept of Ashramas and the parallels with what modern science tells us about how our priorities change with age. 
As we get older, the worldly rewards we once chased can start to feel less satisfying. We begin asking deeper questions about wisdom, meaning, and transcendence. That’s what happens when you enter Vanaprastha—the stage of life when we turn our attention inward. 
I also share five practical steps for beginning (or rebeginning) your own spiritual journey.
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• Noble Mobile—With Noble, there is only one plan: The No-Bull Plan. It’s simple. It’s transparent. And if you use less data, you get cash back. Get an exclusive offer at: https://noblemobile.com/arthurbrooks
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠—
Where to find Arthur Brooks: 
• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• In-person Retreats: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://retreats.arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
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—
Timestamps:
(00:00) Intro
(07:10) Lessons from Hinduism 
(16:50) Ashramas: The four stages of life
Brahmacharya

Grihastha

Vanaprastha

Sannyasa 

(30:05) The link between spirituality and midlife
(35:30) #1: Loosen your commitments to not believing
(38:47) #2. Spirituality as an entrepreneurial endeavor 
(40:09) #3: Walk towards what you seek 
(42:27) #4. Get a buddy 
(44:14) #5. Find a teacher  
(46:03) Q&A: The evolutionary purpose of dark triads 
(48:35) Q&A: Having a two-way relationship with god
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Referenced:
• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-of-your-life 
• Arthur’s newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter 
• The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale 
• The Autobiography of a Yogi: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1785991663
• From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life:
https://www.amazon.com/Strength-Finding-Success-Happiness-Purpose/dp/059319148X
• Why do levels of religious observance vary by age and country: https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/2018/06/13/why-do-levels-of-religious-observance-vary-by-age-and-country
• Stages of Faith: The Psychology of Human Development and the Quest for Meaning: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060628405
• More Americans say they’re spiritual, but not religious: https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2017/09/06/more-americans-now-say-theyre-spiritual-but-not-religious/ 
• The sociopaths among us: How to spot (and avoid) a Dark Triad: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/podcast/the-sociopaths-among-us-how-to-spot-and-avoid-a-dark-triad

• ...References continued at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
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Being a parent is one of the most meaningful things you can do with your life, and one of the easiest things to worry about getting wrong. Most of us ultimately want the same things for our children: for them to grow up to be good people and have a good life. But how much influence do parents actually have over those outcomes?
In this episode of Office Hours, I explore what the research can teach us about raising happy, well-adjusted kids, including how much of our children’s personalities are inherited, where we as parents really can make a difference, and why what we model often matters more than what we say.
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Where to find Arthur Brooks: 
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Timestamps:
(00:00) Intro
(05:04) What most parents want for their kids 
(09:29) What the research has revealed about nature vs. nurture 
(17:00) How parenting impacts personality 
(29:12) Parenting principle #1: Even a hot mess can be a great parent
(32:52) Parenting principle #2: Be warm and loving 
(34:29) Parenting principle #3: Be an actor 
(38:42) Q&A: Overcoming bad habits learned from your parents
(40:50) Q&A: How to support a child with a toxic partner 
(42:49) Q&A: Teaching children the discipline of happiness
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Referenced:
• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-of-your-life 
• Meaning Membership: https://hub.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-membership 
• Arthur’s newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter 
• The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale 
• The Pursuit of Happiness with Arthur Brooks: https://www.thefp.com/s/the-pursuit-of-happiness-with-arthur
• Parenting in America Today: https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/01/24/parenting-in-america-today
• OCEAN: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/1635039/ 
• Heritability of the big five personality dimensions and their facets: a twin study: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8776880
• Longitudinal associations between parenting and child Big Five personality traits: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2022-24205-001

• ...References continued at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
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Most of us prefer spending time with people who are like us. They think like us, share our values, and make us feel comfortable. But while similarity may be easy, it isn't always what helps us grow.
In this episode of Office Hours, I explain why some of the greatest benefits in life come from building relationships with people who think, believe, and live differently from us. I explore the science behind why diversity of thought can make us wiser and more successful, and share three practical ways to bring more variety of opinions and values into your life. 
And if you want to get better at disagreeing better, check out one of my earlier episodes on loving your “enemies.”
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Brought to you by:
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Where to find Arthur Brooks: 
• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• In-person Retreats: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://retreats.arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
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Timestamps:
(00:00) Intro
(06:48) Bonding vs. bridging social capital
(14:04) Why we prefer people who are like us
(20:17) Why diversity makes us happier
(21:44) Demographic diversity vs. diversity of ideas
(29:20) How disagreement can improve your thinking
(32:36) Step 1: Talk to strangers
(36:07) Step 2: Become a social scientist 
(38:40) Step 3: Celebrate heresy 
(43:48) Q&A: How video games affect happiness
(44:56) Q&A: What happens when positivity goes too far
(46:26) Q&A: How to avoid being ruled by pleasure
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Referenced:
• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-of-your-life 
• Meaning Membership: https://hub.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-membership 
• Arthur’s newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter 
• The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale 
• The Pursuit of Happiness with Arthur Brooks: https://www.thefp.com/s/the-pursuit-of-happiness-with-arthur
• The Meaning of Your Life Retreats: https://retreats.arthurbrooks.com
• World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue and Development, 21 May: https://www.un.org/en/observances/cultural-diversity-day
• ...References continued at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
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